My girlfriend has PTSD from a rape, and it's destroying us. What can I do to save "US" other than be patient?

Question

She was brutally attacked prior to us meeting, we fell in love everything was on the perfect path. Spending the rest of our lives together is all we talked about. Until she finally started dealing with the ramifications of the attack. "It's not you." is all I hear, we hardly see each other or speak now. All I do is give her space and support. I get a glint every now and then of how it was. We have not been intimate for months. We are both still loyal to each other(as far as I know). She is letting herself slip health wise.I am really worried about her. She always had so much pride in her appearance and health. I refuse to walk away, this is something very, very special. Please help!!

Answer 1

Your girlfriend needs more than time.

I have read many articles in magazines and papers, heard stories on the radio, of women who have been raped and come to terms with the attack, even grown stronger through resolution of the experience. There is hope, much of it.

Your girlfriend is going through a crisis right now, it is not unusual. You need to be there for her, even if she is pushing you away. She needs to know that she is not filthy or dirty or in any way to blame for what happened. I can only imagine that her self confidence and self esteem are in tatters. You need to remind her that she is a great person with whom you are in love.

See if you can't find someone to talk to. Either a woman who has been rapped or her husband / partner. You also need help to get through this.

Somehow you both need to pull on reserves of strength that you don't know you have.

Answer 2

Maybe you should just be friends and support her the best you can.  She may not be ready for any relationship right now (or quite some time in the future).  Just be friends, listen, support, but don't put romance, intimacy into the mix.  You may have to eventually move on.  You can't force a crime victim to enter into something she is incapable of.

Answer 3

Your dedication to your girlfriend is beautiful.  As she is going through this in counseling, I am sure she is going to have reactions.  Try to remember they are not about you and do not take them personally.

I would suggest that you talk to a therapist (different one) yourself and possibly look for a support group for families of crime victims or rape victims.

I am so sorry for what you are going through this, and sorry for what your girlfriend has gone through.  I hope that everything will work out eventually for the two of you.

Answer 4

Has she tried counselling? Couples counselling may work too so that you can see what is going on.

It might just be a bad time. If she does love you...she'll come back when she's ready.

Answer 5

Well obviously this is going to effect her life in a very dramatic way, and as it has become PSTD *mental health issue if u like* its going to be harder.

But you need to stand firm by her side because wether she realizes or not yet she really does need you there. Be her shoulder to cry on and try and be as understanding as possible. You will have to go to h**l with her to find your way with her. Do the things she likes together, make her see that not all men/women are the same.

i really hope things get easier for you both :) and if u ever need to talk just add me babe!  

Answer 6

It's hard situation you are in...BOTH of you....you say you fell in love? perhaps she needed someone to be there for her while she dealt with this....if you love her? Get her help...there are Rape Crisis Centers that specifically deal with this....

It's a violation of her body and soul.....the violence she endured has left a huge mark on her life....

This may take a long long time for her to get back to where she was....if EVER...

Get her help....and you also speak with someone so you can help her along with this...if you love her....It might just be the help she needs if you get it for her?