My girlfriend has serious anxiety problems.

Question

We've been together for about 9 months. Things were rocky at first, but got better after about two months. About once a month she seems to freak out and can't relax around me. She says she's had anxiety all her life, and she is seeing a therapist, but I can't help but feel angry and frustrated.

Her anxiety is controlling the relationship in every way. For example, she refuses to plan anything ahead of time. Sometimes when she has a weekend off, we'll make plans and she gets so anxious about it that we don't go out, or if we do it's uncomfortable because she won't talk or act natural.

I've tried to be supportive so far, but I can't help feeling like I should leave her. What can I do to help her feel more comfortable around me?

We have great communication and I do understand the reasons why she feels anxious, but it still frustrates me that sometimes I don't hear from her for days because she freaks out so bad.

She's definitely not cheating, as some people might think. And I really do think she wants to be with me. What should I do here?

Answer 1

Since you have great communication, why don't you try talking to her about this? tell her exactly what you said above.

dealing with mental illnesses in difficult, and if you don't think you are prepared to deal with this for the rest of your life then maybe you should consider cutting you losses. I know that is kind of harsh, but wouldn't it be better after 9 months than 6 years and 2 kids later (ok, maybe a little exaggerated, but you get the point).

Good luck!

Answer 2

You either love her for her and continue to be as supportive as possible, or you end the relationship.  

Answer 3

1  don't make plans....just get and up and go where ans when the mood sticks...no time to get nervous

2  don't ask her to explain her fears...you should se by now that there is no explanation

3  if she needs to talk, she will....be sensitive, but DON'T push

4  always be ready to listen, but never tell her she is wrong to fear

good luck

Answer 4

Me and my boyfriend are having similar problems. I would hope that he would understand that it isn't really me and that its not his fault for anything. I do think she has anxiety problems but also does this occur around her cycle. If so it could also be a hormonal imbalance. I think if you haven't already talk to her and tell her that no matter what you are there for her. Tell her how you feel and just don't give up on her. She could go to the doctor if she hasn't already and see if he can't give her something to help her with her anxiety.    

Answer 5

I used to feel the same way. Please take this into consideration. It worked for me, although I am not you.

I had overwhelming anxiety. It turned out to be my use of Splenda. Yup Splenda. How could something that taste so good, be so bad?



I like to say sucralose, not Splenda, because that is what Splenda is. And it is in a lot of stuff. Sadly, the package doesn't have to say Splenda or diet to have sucralose in it. You have to read labels. So, you might be using it and don't even know it!



Sucralose is poison. It ruined five years of my life. I had a laundry list of medical problems while taking it, including overwhelming anxiety, depression, mood swings, insomnia, gastrointestinal issues and more.

Go ahead, google: anxiety splenda or anxiety sucralose or insomnia splenda or insomnia sucralose



The slogan, "Made from sugar..." is very misleading. Splenda might be made from sugar, but it is far from sugar. The resulting chemical is an organochloride (chlorocarbon). Organochlorides are typically poisons.



carbon monoxide - made from oxygen so its like a breath of fresh air

Answer 6

What I find really helpful to have a relaxed stress and anxiety free day is to drink a good quantity of alcohol. Have a few good swigs in the morning, take a hip flask with you when you go out, or go to work, and then get stuck into the booze in the late afternoon. It really gives you a good nights sleep and when you wake up feeling a bit fuzzy the next morning a few good swigs will set you up for another good stress free day. I’m having a ball and doing really well with my studies at Uni and part time work

Answer 7

She really cant help it- im the same way. Is she on any meds for it? I was placed on Zoloft and it has helped tremendously! If you're seriously thinking about leaving her you need to get it over with and not lead her on. I can definately see how you wouldnt understand because I personally thought it was a bunch of bull sh*t until I experienced it myself...

Answer 8

Hi, I am the author of http://panicattackresearch.blogspot.com

Do not worry, I am not spamming my site - my site don't sell products or anything. My site is solely dedicated to panic-attacks or people whom have anxiety. I give tips on how to sleep even if you have anxiety.

Please do visit and post any questions there or here so that I can help you further.

I have been a sufferer for 12-years and am doing well. My blog is dedicated to help. I will be updating my blog every 5-7 days on new ways to cope anxiety. I have just made few good entries on coping - I hope it will help you or her.

I started out taking prozac 20mg daily.. then it dropped to 10mg and now I am just taking 5mg and still doing very well. I might be considering taking medication off my life.

And most importantly, I am here to help you or her because I know how it feels to have anxiety or panic attacks.

I have just posted a new entry and uploaded some good files for her to do some relaxation, and there are techniques to overcalm immediately!

All the best,

Seng

Answer 9

Sounds much how my anxiety used to be.  Maybe she should see a psychiatrist in addition to the therapist.  Sometimes anxiety and that panic freak out reaction is because of the brain not functioning correctly.   A anxiety med might help her greatly.  Its a world of a difference.

Also, do you really feel you should leave her, or is that more just the frustration speaking?  Trust me, if you think its frustrating on your end, its many times worse on hers.  Imagaine wanting more then anything to go out and spend some time with someone you care about  and then freaking out where you cant fuction and cant go out  cant stand even thinking about being in a public place and around people, and are afraid that they are mad at you for it.

If you really feel you should leave her, do it now.  Things like this will not  just go away.  It may be something she will always deal with to some extent.  Even with meds and thereapy and mostly controled, there can be moments.  If you dont think you can continue to support her through this and dont want to stay with her even if it would always be a problem she will have to live with, then end it now.  It may be controled and never something you will notice once it is, but it may continue.  There ARE people on dissabillity because they cant even leave their house to work, or go shopping because of anxiety...at least she isnt that bad.

If its more just your frustration and you really dont want to leave her, maybe see a therapist yourself.  Would do a lot of good for you.  Many people involved with people with mental illnesses find a lot fo good in therapy.  Or possibly even couples therapy.