My girlfriend thinks i'm going to hit her??

Question

when she's being really stubborn (and i mean, REALLY stubborn), i get so frustrated sometimes that i punch the wall and i start swearing a lot but seriously, what guy doesnt? she read these articles in her magazine that said "signs that you have an abusive boyfriend" and she told me she was scared because i had all of the signs. honestly i think her magazine is complete bullshit and its making women judge men wrongly because i swear on my soul i would never hit a girl even if i was extremely angry. one time she yelled at me over the stupidest reason so i got mad and punched the wall and told her to stop being so ******* immature. she got scared so she tried to run away but when i tried to grab her arm and tell her i wasn't going to hurt her, she screamed and started begging me to let go. how do i stop her from overreacting like this? she told me that her dad abused her when she was growing up so she can "sense" that i will hurt her in the future too and it's ******* pissing me off that she doesnt trust me. how do i get her to stop thinking like this?

Answer 1

Get help. It sounds like you have serious issues. Punching walls & cussing out your girlfriend? Not normal, not by a long shot. Like others have said, it's only a matter of time before you get so angry that you do actually hit, shove, or otherwise manhandle her.

I know this b/c my little sister went through something similar with her ex-fiancee. He didn't have a history of hitting anyone, but he did have a history of anger problems. He would do the same thing you did, hitting walls & cussing out his girlfriend. He eventually started doing that to my sister & it escalated to the point where one night he started pushing her. It started small, but it went on from there. It began that he pushed her EVERY time they fought & then eventually he started hitting her. She'd put up with it at first (we didn't know) b/c she thought that she'd done something to deserve it, but left him when he started hitting her. When everyone had a chance to calm down, he was shocked by the way he acted & was horrified that he had become abusive to my sister. He then started getting help for his anger issues, but the relationship was unsalvageable. (Luckily he's very happy with his new wife & they haven't had any issues such as that.)

Never assume that you will not become abusive. All it takes is one time blacking out for you to hit her. Get help for your anger issues before it is too late. Until then, leave whenever she makes you angry. Don't stay & make it worse by arguing & punching walls. As it is now, you are slowly becoming her father & your relationship will end as a result.

Answer 2

My boyfriend doesn't punch the wall. He goes on walks. Walks. Like he walks around outside for fresh air and comes back in.

So how dare you act that way? Do you really think it's ever appropriate in a relationship to punch a wall in front of your girlfriend out of anger? What's next? No - WHO is next? Dead serious. It only starts with the walls. So learn some self control. If you are freaking out and intimidating her, then she has a right to feel the way she feels. So why don't you go take a walk and quit being such a "maaaaan."

Answer 3

Right Andrew, let's put your brain into gear here and start thinking a bit as if you were your young lady.

She has told you that, in some way or form, her dad abused her when she was growing up. Now what form of abuse, you don't state, but surely, you can see that she is going to be d**n wary of anything that lights up the danger signals for her.

Once abused, you try to make pretty certain it isn't going to happy again, and are always on the look out for the danger signals, even from someone you love, as in the past, it was someone who was very close to her that has hurt her.

You say her magazine, in your opinion, is bullshit, but she obviously doesn't, and you have to respect that different people have different opinions.

By your own admission, you punched a wall in anger, something which someone who has been abused will be scared of, and she tries to get away, so you try to grab her arm, again something that could be seen as violent.

People who have suffered personal violence against them are very wary, and in many ways, need that little bit extra from a partner to feel totally secure, because even when they may think that he/she wont hurt them, there's always that little doubt in the back of their mind.

I know you need to let off steam at times, who doesn't, but for the sake of you both, try and find a non violent way, deep breathing exercises, or counting to 10 (or more) might help.

Good luck,

mike t.

Answer 4

you may know that you will never hurt her but if she grew up with an abusive father then she probably fears men a bit and wen you get angry and punch things and swear that can be very scary especially if her father abused her, you need to learn to control your anger. she must be terrifyed of you wen your angry  

Answer 5

Dude get some help!

Answer 6

If she has been brought up in an abusive environment, she will be more prone to getting scared than other "normal" girls. It is quite alarming that you think it is normal for guys to punch walls and swear your head off when you are extremely angry. I agree many do, but in your situation (it is a unique one too), I think you should be more considerate. If you are aware of her and her family history, you should approach her differently when she is being stubborn  and unyielding. Try breathing loudly and slowly. Tell her that while you are trying to be understanding and considerate, you find it hard to control your temper when she is being so stubborn (but does she have good reasons being stubborn about things??) and make her understand that you will NEVER hurt her by telling her how much you love her. And that while her dad might have been abusive, not all males are like that and there is no need to be scared of you (if you stopped punching walls, etc and stopped displaying even the slightest violent behaviour, she will believe you!)  Tell her when you are CALM and everything is going well. Not when you are angry and obviously very upset. Hope this helped. And by the way, I think it's great that you want to improve your relationship by asking for help.

Answer 7

How can you say that she needs to grow up and stop over-reacting?

You yell, swear, and punch walls over seemingly pointless things.

You can get her to stop thinking like that by growing up.

Most people stop throwing tantrums long before they even hit puberty.

Answer 8

if she told u her Dad abused her when she was growing up i bet he used to shout and hit the wall before he hit her  ..... when u get angry she is reliving her past in her mind and that's not to nice so it seems .... i think u need to try and bite ur tongue if u get angry if u need to hit something make sure it's somewhere out of sight and ear of ur girlfriend  ... it's hard sometimes to bite ur tongue but u really need to do  it  

Answer 9

For starters, stop grabbing her.

I don't like those chick mags either, but this time I'd have to agree. Let me explain.

When you punch a wall, it's out of frustration. I do it too. There's a big hole in my old apartment.... :P

However, to someone watching, it is a demonstration, and it is showing how strong you are, that you can punch holes in a wall. "Look at me, I can punch the wall like this when you p**s me off, so imagine what these fists can do to YOU!"

Easy to understand once you get in her shoes. Grabbing her afterwards just makes matters worse: "I punched the wall and I can't let you go, because I may want you to be next."

To be fair, she's probably initiating it by yelling at you. This is what I would do. Next time she starts an argument and gets pissy, just ignore her. Calmly tell her you'll talk to her once she calms down, then go to your room, and lock yourself in. Give her all the time in the world to scream through the door, and when she's out of breath and tired, THEN come outside and say "so what do you want to talk about?"

By then she'll be too tired to vocally abuse you, and you can actually have a real conversation. The system works.

To RDV: your boyfriend probably goes on walks to punch the walls outside. Lots of guys do this to save ourselves the hassle that made this page possible.

Answer 10

Well first off, you DO have an anger problem. Punching walls & cussing her out isn't a healthy way to deal with it. How long do you think it'll be before you get so angry that you hit her without realising it? You can lie & tell yourself that it won't happen, but dude... most guys that hit, hit while they are angry & don't know what they are doing. Guys like that are honestly scarier than the guys who are fully aware of what they are doing since the unaware guys could end up putting their woman in the hospital, raping them in anger, or killing them. NEVER assume that you won't be one of those guys.

Go talk to someone about this. The odds are that you WILL end up hurting her later on down the line. If not her, then someone else. You have anger issues that you need to deal with. Normal people don't hit walls & cuss out their girlfriends. Next time this happens, get up & walk away. Talk to your girlfriend about this beforehand so she knows that you aren't leaving her, you are just leaving until you can calm down. Go anywhere as long as it's away from her, even if it's to go walk around the house or to walk around the block.

Again, seek help. You have anger issues & you don't want to deal with them.

Answer 11

Well, first of all, don't get mad and start punching walls when she says those things. And when you do get angry, try to not be so aggressive. Girls get scared when guys are like that, even when it's not toward them.

My boyfriend used to pretend to punch me, even when he was just kidding, and it would really scare me! He was really hurt that I would ever think that he would harm me. I trust him, but sometimes it just scares me a little!

So just look at it from her side and be understanding. Nothing will make her more happy than telling her you're sorry and that you will try to work on it.  

Answer 12

You sound, quite honestly, a little scary. I think you should just be more tolerant until she learns to trust you and also explain to her that she has misunderstood your intentions.

- FB

Answer 13

ok buddy listen to me carefully. dont get mad!!! what has getting mad gotten you? its gotten you your girl scared of you!! control the anger!! or when your girl does something stupid or say something dumb agree with her or ignor her!! EXAMPLE::: your girl yells at you for some stupid thing only girls can get mad about what should you do? you simply agree with her in a low voice or just walk away into another room and do your own thing. just dont puch stuff it makes you look like a child and on roid rage or something