My grandpa is dying and I don't feel like crying at all? Why? I'm 17?

Question

ok, say I'm close friends with someone and they move. I cry when I figure out they're leaving but once they're gone, I don't even notice it. I just continue on with the other friends I have. We keep in contact, yaddy, and occasionally I'll recall a memory and I'll "miss them", but other than that, even the day after they're gone, it's like they were never here and I don't miss them a bit (this has happened 4 times). When we get back together on visits, we just pick up where we left off, no awkwardness or anything. My parents go out of town all the time, and sometimes I leave for a week or 2 (for camp or something), and not once, have I ever missed my parents or gotten homesick. Same as before, don't miss em when they're gone, just pick up where you left off when you get back together (no matter how long its been). My granpa is now on his death bed. He's not going to make it past next week. This is going to be the first time anyone close to me has died. And so far, I don't feel like crying at all. My parents (its my mom's dad) aunts, Granny, all cry, and here I am emotionless. I love people, I'm not some emotionless robot. I experience love, hate, etc. But why is my Papa dying and I don't feel like crying. I'm afraid at the funeral everyone will be boohooing and look at me. "she's not crying, she must not have loved him as much". i'm afraid he's gonna go and it'll be just like with my friends, i won't cry or miss him, but occasionally a memory will pop up. i'll just go on like he was never even here. i talked to my mom, and she said all people grieve differently, but why am I like this? what's wrong with me?

Answer 1

Nothing is wrong with you.  It's not a law that you have to cry.  You surely don't have to have to prove to someone else how you feel.  

Who knows maybe you just don't know how you'll react since you have never lost anyone close to you.  Either way, it's your right to grieve how ever it comes to you.

Your mom is right.....people grieve differently.  Only you know if it's something more than your reaction to separation.  

Answer 2

If this is your first time losing someone, then you really have no basis to go by. That's why your feelings and emotions have not shown themselves yet. Don't worry, they will. You're still young and you're still developing your schema for life and death. Nothing is wrong with you. Give it time and be with your family.

P.S. - I was the same way with my grandfather and I had the exact same questions as you. Nothing is wrong with you. Just be there for your family. I wish you and your family the best.  

Answer 3

I did the same thing. When my grandpa died I didn't cry. My mom did and my uncles and my grandpas close family did and my oldest sister did. But I didn't. I saw my grandpa a lot. I was very sad that he dies but I think I was more sad for my mom considering he was her father. And then when my grandma died(my fathers mom) again I didn't cry. And most of that was because she had alzheimer's for years before she died. It had been almost 2 years before she died that she remember who I was. So I had already lost my grandma. So by the time her body left this earth. I had already lost my grandma and said good bye.  

Answer 4

Nothing is wrong with you. You sound very secure and healthy actually. You probably detached from this person a long time ago when you saw this coming. While its not something you want, its a lot easier , and more expected, to lose an elderly relative. You have probably known since you were 8 that grandparents die and realized that was reality for you as well. I did the same thing with my grandma. Well, I cried, but nothing like I did when my dad died. I would imagine it would be the same way. Dont worry about what other people think of you, they arent even paying any attention during times like these. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 5

nothing is wrong with you i know that you are probably sad but you just might not be as sensitive as others.

Answer 6

Hi,

You may just be not as emotional as other people, but belive me you will cry at the funeral. I was exactly like this when my grandpa died last June. He was also the first person ive ever lost. My mum was proberly wondering why I was not upset.... And at times I questioned myself... However once I got into the funeral car I totally broke down... It just hasnt hit you yet trust me... I no you may think your friends moving away hit u and you stil didnt mind, but this time someone goes for good. Its such a sad time, spend as much time with him as you can. It will hit you at some point, dont question yourself, everyone has there own way of dealing with things. Once his gone you will mourn, and at the funeral also. Your mind proberly dosnt belive it yet, or needs some kind of proof. Im unsure, but you will be upset trust me. You could aways see ur friends & parents again and you knew this, you knew they were fine and in no harm, but the fault of your familys live being taken away... will sadly eventually hit you..

Hope I helped,

<3 KTE x

Answer 7

I am the same way, and have spent a lot of time thinking about why.  I have come to a conclusion.

I take life for what it is, and I fully understand that life is not permanent.  When someone close to me passes away, I choose to be happy about the times we had together.  I choose not be sad about the time we won't spend together in the future.  I don't see death as a time to be sad.  

In all honesty, I think it is often selfish to be sad when a someone passes due to natural causes.  A loved one just spent days, weeks, or even years suffering and finally that person has closure... and people wish that he was still alive???  Why would you wish that?  Is seeing somebodys animated flesh really worth the suffering they are going through?

I don't see death as a time to be sad, I see it as a time to celebrate the time they were alive.  May God have mercy on your grandfather, and I hope he dies with as little suffering as possible.

Answer 8

Nothing is wrong with you. Probably you did not spend enough time with him to develop deep emotions necessary for a relationship to be stronger. A person cries when his or her emotions are heart. If yo will recall the stories  narrated by him to you when you were a child you will feel emotionally disturbed. However do you duty to pray for him that may his soul rest in peace after the death if takes place or for his recovery.

Answer 9

nothing. absolutely NOTHING!

i know how you feel cuz i do the same thing.

see, it hurts to hurt... you feel so vulnerable and heklpless and afraid and soemtimes stupid, and you harden yourself to where you don't or can't cry. i'm that way. i hurt so bad inside, i'd love to jsut get it over with one night and just cry. but i don't. cuz i can't. it's only in moments where alot of junk is on my mind and i'm all alone that i cna cry.

i'm sorry for your loss and i'm sorry cuz i know it sux to feel this way.

Answer 10

Its because you had too many good memeoires with him, and they'll always be in your heart. My uncle and my aunt came from Portugal, and when they left, EVERYONE WAS CRYING! but we didnt even like them..we acutally wanted them to leave:P

it was odd. But when my cousins came and left (their like 46)...NO ONE CRIED! we had such a great time with them!

soo, thats probabyly why ... and dont think you have problems or you dont love him.

Answer 11

Everyone deals with their emotions differently at a time like this. How ever you deal with it is your business. You don't have to cry to prove to other people that you loved your grandpa. If anyone calls you on it, just tell them: "I am dealing with it in my own way, and for you to question my love for my grandpa really hurts me."

If you are just worried about your own reaction, the I would say don't be, what ever you feel is normal and it's also normal to see a counselor after something like this happens. Sounds like you may benefit from it.

Answer 12

There are two possible answers and you have to decide which is true of you:  The first is that perhaps you are a well adjusted person who feels secure and is independent.

The second is something that is called disassociation.  Disassociation is when we don't allow ourselves to deal with issues.  We disassociate to save ourselves the pain of dealing with it.  This is not a healthy response and if this is what is happening to you, then you need to work on making yourself think about things or getting counseling.