My great-uncle makes rude comments about my weight...any advice?

Question

I have been overweight for the last 5 years, since my daughter was born. I was in a bad marriage and just stopped caring about myself. Yes, it does bother me that I am now since I'm trying to take better care of myself. I seek no sympathy or approval from anyone. I realize that it's unhealthy being overweight.

Anyway, I haven't seen my great-uncle (my great-grandmother's brother) in nearly 10 years. He used to be my favorite relative and I did all kinds of sweet thoughtful things for him. I saw him again over a year ago at my great-grandfather's funeral. I took care of my great-grandfather and was really close to him, and was very upset. My great-uncle saw me, and of course didn't recognize me....other than being bigger than what I used to be, the fact was that 9 years had passed. I went up and told him who I was and his reply was, "Girl...why'd you get so d**n fat?!" I usually have a very clever response to comments like that, but this time I was in total shock. I never expected to hear such words, especially at a horrible time and place. I ignored him and walked off. He never said sorry and he had several chances to try to "redeem" himself. My great-grandmother is spending more time with him a lot, which unfortunately includes me since his wife has divorced him just a couple months ago (lol go figure..in their mid 90's).

Every single time I am around, he always has to make such rude comments about my weight. I try to refrain myself from being disrespectful, which was the way I was raised, but he is just down right a jerk (nicest way to put it). I confide in my great-grandmother, but she says that they were all just raised differently, and that's just how it is. Then she brings up how perfect and beautiful I used to be, and that I should just lose the weight quickly and get over it. They act like I can just snap my fingers and it will just fade into nonexistance. Yeah, right. Ok.

So I can't really say much to my great-uncle. I mean...he's so unthoughtful and doesn't care how others feel. I don't want to take that kind of c**p off of anyone, especially someone who has no class especially since he had always been overweight.

Maybe I am just having an attitude problem? Maybe he's just a jerk? What are things that you would do if this were happening to you?

It really does make me feel bad, and yet SO mad that I can't hardly take it. He's getting to me, but how can I stop it? Lol, I am almost scared to think of his reaction if I could ever think of anything to say.

He's not the type of man who you can just sit down and talk to about how he makes you feel. He doesn't hear well, he's old, and I guess he's like every average man who only cares about the body. He does say nice things about how sweet and pretty I was. BUT...it always leads into not having a nice body.

Any advice you can give?

Answer 1

bring back your s**y body, take care of yourself. fight!fight!fight! Don't be a loser. good luck.

Answer 2

Be honest with him or ask your great grandmother to say something to him about how disrespectful that is to your generation. There is no cause for disrespect (even if he can't hear or comes from an older generation--even THEN, it would have been rude). If he says something to you again, I'd turn right around and say, "When you say things like that, I feel really hurt and disrespected when you criticize my weight and compare me to how I used to look instead of realizing I'm still the same person in this body. If you feel it's more important to criticize me than have a good relationship, then continue in this way, but I'm not going to be around to listen to you." It's never OK to be rude. If you at least say your piece, you'll have things out in the open and can stop feeling so helpless. You don't want to have negative memories of this mean whom you once had a dear relationship with. If he's unable to accept that his actions are harmful, then simply tell him you'll limit your interaction with him b/c no one deserves to be hurt regularly like that. I had to have the same conversation with my mom, but she has gotten really better about saying anything (she's cut down from a daily harangue to only once a month or so).  

Answer 3

since he's so old he should know better than to treat someone like that . I would tell him very nicely that he needs to stop. it sound like your familyis just little bit uncaring of others feelings . if your scared to talk to them then just try not to let their nasty comments bother you allway consider the source.  

Answer 4

My advice is that he is old and old people won't change who they are they have lived long enough to set their minds on the way they think and not really want to change.  i no how hurtful it is, my dad always did it to me and that lead to alot of eating disorders but the most i can say is to sit down have a heart to heart let him no that if he has nothing nice to say then its better not to say anything. and if he can't hear you then u'll have to keep ignoring it and remember your beautiful no matter what.

Answer 5

just ignore him. he's to old to even worry about.be yourself and enjoy your life and your family.