My husband's ex-wife ignores my emails, do you think I should stop acting as a peacemaker?

Question

My husband and his ex-wife pretty much hate each other. They do not communicate at all ( only through letters, 1 letter a month). They have 2 teenage kids together, we only see them once a month. According to their divorce agreement my husband has a right to see the kids 3 days a week, but since they live in another town and have all kinds of activities every day we don't see them very often. Or maybe it is just their mother's excuse, I don't know. She told the kids they didn't have to come to our house at all. We do go to all their concerts, sporting events, etc. Anyway, I think the kids need to see their father more often. They have all kinds of emotional issues and I think they need their father to be more involved in their lives. Since my husband refuses to deal with her ( I know, it is childish, but he is being stubborn) I decided to contact his ex and tell her that the kids should spend more time with their dad in our home. I emailed her several times, sent her letters, etc. She ignores my emails. The emails were very polite and friendly, I never say nasty things to her. mess? I don't like being in the middle, but I think it is very important for my husband to repair his relationship with his kids. We used to have the kids in our house 3 days a week before their mother got married and moved out of the kids' school district.

What should I do? I am worried about the kids because one of them tried to commit suicide and I know they need their father in their life. I want to be there for them too, not just 1 day a month. I think they would benefit from spending more time in our home, but how can I convince them and their mother that it is a good idea? The kids say they are very busy.....

Answer 1

yeah, you don't really have the right to step in to their business like that. so evrything would be better off if you just stop.

Answer 2

STOP !

You are being wayyyyyyyyy  over-responsible.

You can be there for your man and support him to deal with this if and when he is ready !

Answer 3

You should stay out of it, not trying to make you mad but that is the best thing to do.  There may be more going on than meets the eye with these kids, and maybe their father knows this and that's why he's not making a big deal of it right now.  Let him take care of this, it's his place to not yours.

Answer 4

stop acting?  you never should have started in the first place

Answer 5

you need to stay out of it, sad to say, but you cant make a situation better that you have no control over. let him deal with the drama!

Answer 6

Yes, He is your husband now.....

But put your nose back in its place. Its their children, their divorce, their problems. You are in the middle cause you put yourself there. Get out of their stuff. You married him knowing it was this way. Live your life. Not live theirs.

I would do the same thing she is doing. You have no just cause to interfere.

Answer 7

I know you're trying to do what's right for those kids, but it isn't your responsibility to bring them together. Your husband is being stubborn and selfish to let him relationship with his ex get in the way of being there for his kids. They are teenagers, he really wouldn't have to deal with the ex because teenagers now have cell phones, email, IM services, etc and he could keep in their lives if he wanted to but that's not up for you to decide for him, he has to decide to step up and be a real man and a real father. Maybe one day they'll both come to their senses and realize that it's in the children's best interests but they have to be the ones that decide that as the children's parents. You are trying to do what's right, but it's getting you no where because you're not supposed to be involved in this. Let him decide to step up or let his ex decide that he needs to be there, you can't do that for either of them.

Good luck.

Answer 8

I know it's because he is your husband, but let him send the emails ect..As an ex-wife I wouldn't really want the new wife trying to get involved.  I like my ex's wife and I am nice to her but when it involves the children, her and my new husband sit back and let us deal with our kiddos.  I know u are trying to help, but it doesn't sound like she wants you to be involved.  Good Luck to you!

Answer 9

your husband needs to contact his children directly via telephone or email and ask them what their schedules are like so that he can spend more time with them. if they blow him off, there is not a lot that can be done.

you need to stay out of it, it will only cause problems between you and your husband, him and his kids and you and his kids, let alone the ex wife.

if the ex is not following  a visitation agreement, you can always go back to court.