My husband's mistress finally dumped him, is it over?

Question

They were having a relationship for 3 years and it was always back and forth between me and her. He told me that her immaturity was a turnoff for him and he wanted someone level-headed like me.

We have been working on things and it seems to be going well, but she was still in the background. He was really sneaky and I almost didn't know she was there. Well, I found out that he went to see her last week and she threw a tempertantrum. She ended up ending things with him in a childish way. Will this finally be the end? It's obvious that she's not willing to be a mistress now that he's home with his family. She said she never wants to talk to him again. Will he finally be able to let her go?

Answer 1

as long as both of you ladies put up with him, he will always be there

Answer 2

It might be the end of it - until he meets the next one. Your husband has shown you over and over again that he can't be trusted. When are you going to get the message? If you want to live like this the rest of your life, that's your choice. But, please, don't continue to bother those of us on Y!A with your drama, because you're creating it.

Answer 3

First of all ...What in the world are u doing staying?!?! You need to pack his bags and tell him where to go. If she doesn't take him back you don't think he will find another one?!  

Answer 4

I'm sorry but I honestly doubt it. Even if this relationship ends, there isn't any guarantee that he won't start another. How will you be able to trust him?

You say that he's sneaky and he's been bouncing between the two of you for the past three years. I get the impression that your husband really isn't fully committed to your relationship.

I'm finding it hard to imagine what your home life and relationship must be like. I don't think that I could have a calm rational discussion about how some one else was childish and a turn off.

I get the impression that there are children involved and this may be why you're working so hard on what would otherwise be an unbearable situation.  May I suggest that you both try marriage counseling to work on the underlying problems about trust and commitment.

If you guys don't do something to change, then nothing will change. You and your family deserve so much better.

Answer 5

Dump him and get on with your life. He is a bum.

Answer 6

While I think it is very wrong to accept a mistress in your life, I can understand your situation of feeling superior to her as the wife, and not wanting leave him. You have your reasons why this is the relationship you choose to stay in. But the sad truth is that even if the mistress is finally done with your husband (and I don't think she is, immature women often throw fits and then apologize and come back the next day) She won't be the last. He wants this lifestyle of experienced, stable wife and family at home, and young, fun to keep on the side for whenever he feels the need to take out his "toy" to play with. By you knowing and letting it continue, he now has permission to keep a mistress. You didn't leave. And you aren't going to he knows that, so do you, and so does the mistress who may be finally realizing her self worth and after 3 years of being the toy is ready for more. That is the way it works he will now look for a new gullible replacement for her.  

Answer 7

You have been sharing him for 3 years , why stress about it now?

Answer 8

I have a question for you...Why did you along him to come back and forth between you and this other women.  

Why did you let them decided if it was over.

You need to stand up for yourself more.  

Answer 9

Im so sorry u r going thru this. Its really hard to say whether its over and I know u dont want to loose but he is getting everything, He knows u will be there so its really up to her whether its over. It sounds like he really doesnt understand the damage he is doing. Really why give it up if he can get away with it and thats probably whats going on in his mind whether it be subconcious or consious. My heart goes out to u. u are a very strong person to be able to put up with this situation and I hope that he realizes what he is doing and the good person he has in u. good luck

Answer 10

sweetie it SHOULD NOT BE what he wants. at this point it SHOULD BE ALL ABOUT YOU AND YOUR WANTS AND NEED. you need to leave him alone and let him be with her or by himself or whatever, but the point is he will continue to go back and forth UNTIL you two GIRLS GROW UP and realize that he is a LOSER and a USER. he may be married to YOU but his HEART is with HER and you need to accept and respect that and leave him alone for good. he is not worth the headaches and the pain that he is putting you through regarding his cheating. dont EVER knowingly be a man's FOOL. let him go because she is not going anywhere. you both are playing the wait and see game. you want her to leave and she wants you to leave but either are making him be a man and chose. you need to be the bigger woman and chose for him. GodBless

Answer 11

Ermm why are you staying in this marriage again!?

Answer 12

Why are you worrying about this now when for the last THREE years you've tolerated this? My guess, especially since you say she's immature, is that she's using this as a ploy yo once more try to get him to leave you. If it doesn't work, she'll probably take him back. Either way you need to make some decisions here. If he won't leave you, do you tolerate this affair - or another which is sure to follow - forever? Or if he chooses to leave you, are you prepared to live on your own?? Make some decisions here for yourself before someone else makes them for you!

Answer 13

I HOPE IT'S OVER FOR YOUR SAKE.  BUT... unless he goes thru some form of change and you demand better than sloppy seconds, he will do it again.  having a mistress is not so much about the s*x as it is about the home---sorry.  at home he has responsibilities and has to worry about the bills and the house and you and the cars and... with a mistress, he just has to show up and he is treated like a god.  dont get me wrong, he is a hound for doing this but he is also insecure, immature and selfish.  

    The question to you is: when are you going to take control of your life??  it doesnt have to be today but get a plan.  if youre gonna stay then plan the plan.  talk to your husband, tell him you get all of him or none of him.  but what ever you ask of him, be ready for both answers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

     if youre gonna go PLAN PLAN PLAN. IE: get copies of his paychecks, the taxes, checking accounts, life insurance...  Plan for the timing of your children so you dont have them in daycare full time.  get a job.  

Answer 14

One never knows.  Apparently you are the only mature one of the three.

Answer 15

Why are you putting up with this?

Do you not think he is berating her in order to placate you?  He has been playing you for a fool for three whole years? What makes him to much better than you? Get a new haircut and some clothes, get out there and ignore the likes of him.

Answer 16

Just the fact that he's continued this behavior of going to see her as little as just a week ago makes me think that he never intended on dumping her in the first place. You said he went to go see her, for what? If it was for anything else then to tell her it's over then that gives me the impression he has no idea how wrong what he's doing is and will most likely do it again.

Your question shouldn't be "is SHE over him?", but "is HE over her?".

If you're so level headed, you should show it by ending it with him. Cheating on you for that long shows that he has no remorse, no sense of maturity, and no respect for you.  

Answer 17

o yeah he can let her go there are countless others to take her place, your husband will find anther one its in his blood and soul to act that way so either get used to his wandering ways or get rid of him

Answer 18

Shes never gonna dump him . What they had was true!. You need to say goodbye to him b/c she was the one he could share his feelings with but you are who  he feels is STUCK with him . Although ,you are his wife ,he feels guilty leaving you but she is who he is IN LOVE  with.   I expect that is why it has ben back & 4th  4  ..u .... I  Think she is waiting now for him 2  make  a decision.  She is wanting him in her life but will not B   2nd fiddle .  Pick up a song and go along to the beat of your new drum . How can U stay with someone who has broken your vows?  Let him leave and find the one he tells all his secrets 2 . I suspect she understands him that is why she will let him make the choice where he wants to be and where he will be happy growing old . Good things are hard  2 let go but winding turns will lead you to new surprises.   3  years is far 2 much time 2 wait for something that doesn't want to be ! You share a family together,but  a family is consistant. he is not as he keeps wanting her .  Let go 4 you will always share that family but your marraige and what it is suppose 2 b ....is over !   Good luck . Find someone who is in  love with  YOU!!

Answer 19

He may be done with her. But not with being a cheater. Once a cheater always a cheater. If you guys were really working things out he wouldn't have still been seeing her. He never needed to stop because you stuck around even though you knew she was in the picture. If it happened once, he'll think he can do it again. Where is your self respect? How can you just be ok with it? If he truly loved you he wouldn't have the need for another woman.

Answer 20

Can I ask you something? Why have you taken this man back when he has cheated you with a mistress for THREE YEARS behind your back, then has been back to her yet again?! Don't you deserve better than this??

I have a horrible feeling that his fling with the mistress is not over. He will probably go back and see her again for s*x. And if she doesn't want him, he will most likely go out and find another mistress for s*x. Will you let him do this?

If I were you, I'd be firm with him. Tell him that from this moment forward, he needs to be faithful or else you are leaving him for good. To be honest though, he probably sees you as a soft touch because he knows he can get away with it. If you find out he keeps on seeing this mistress or other women behind your back, will you end your marriage to him or keep trying to work it out?

It seems like he only chose you because you're "level headed" and she was "immature", but it sounds like he's just having his cake and eating it. He wants both of you at the same time and you let him come back to you when really you should have kicked him out for cheating.

I'm sorry, but I do not think he will remain faithful to you. I don't know your husband but if he was able to have a fling with her for three years then he is capable of anything. A cheater will always cheat again.  

Answer 21

i guess my question with this whole situation do you have that low of a self esteem that you are happy knowing that you are second fiddle. even if this is over who's to say he wont find another, your not doing anything to be proactive your allowing and condoning the immaturity that he is doing you didn't marry a man you married a boy someone who is very impulsive i don't really care if it is over with his and this girl my question to you is were is your self worth and why are you condoning this immaturity and why are you still there you need to get counseling and consider other options in this life and find someone who will treat you the way a woman should be treated and be faith full

Answer 22

The s**t is just some creature that he's having s*x with.  Who cares about her!  YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE MAJOR PROBLEM!

How the h**l could you even look at this loser?  He doesn't love and respect you.  He's not a husband and you're not a wife!  He's not a father and you're not a mother!  You aren't married and you are raising children in a disgusting way!

You've accepted the fact that he was having an affair for 3 years?  You have absolutely no pride, dignity, morals and values.  It is too bad that you say you have a family.

Now you're wondering if he finally let her go?  YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING!  YOU HAVE TO LET HIM GO!  

I would say if you choose to treat your life in this sick way then who cares, BUT YOU HAVE CHILDREN AND PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE DESTROYING THE MEANING OF MARRIAGE AND FAMILY!

Answer 23

No but you should  

Answer 24

No he will find someone else,as long as he knows your their on the inbetween days he will keep cheating.You need to leave him find a good man to love ,honor,and respect you.Don't waste your life away being used.Good Luck