My husband's spending habits really worry me. He has a terrible spending habit. What can I do?

Question

My husband feels comfortable spending most of his paycheck on electronics that he just "has to have" because he knows that his mom will always have his back. She buys him gas in return of running errands for her. And takes us out to eat and such. (I haven't been working because I left my job in another city to marry him and move in with him-- two months later I have a job! You bet I don't spend my money the way he does!).

Anyway. I don't know what to do. It seems like every week he NEEDS to buy something. Whether it be ANOTHER guitar, ANOTHER video game that he already has, but "needs" it for his other console... ANOTHER computer because the one he has is running slow. Yesterday he blew his whole paycheck on a computer and now he's broke. His mom takes care of his gas but he eats nothing at work because he has no money. Oh, but he complains when he has to buy groceries and stuff we both use. Stuff that he used freely without asking me when I used to stay over at his place over the weekends before we got married. I was working at the time so I didn't mind, but now that I've been broke for a while I've had the nerve to ask him to buy those things that he uses too, which I also use. And he has the nerve to say he's buying ME stuff!

Anyway. I wish he was more rational when spending. It's bad enough we live with his mom. When I was living with my mom, I was always used to imagining that I don't HAVE my mom, and that if I spend my money foolishly I alone will deal with the consequences because she won't bail me out. Now I am grateful for my mother's strict ways. But my husband's mom is always more than willing to "save" him and spoil him. This really worries me. Will he always be spending this way? Or will he "change?" This makes me very nervous. One of the excuses he gave for buying the computer was that he was very depressed over an argument we had and he needed to feel better. He is very emotional as it is... so if he goes on a spending spree every time he gets depressed, he is going to be our financial ruin! Either that, or we'll be his momma's kids forever! What can I do with this beloved but irrational boy of mine?

Answer 1

Money breaks up more relationships than any other conflict. The first thing you have to realize is this is not about money its about trust. This is the man that you want to spend the rest of your life with and you need to feel like he will provide a good standard of living.  The problem is that you can not trust him to take any kind of responsibility because he is not worthy of it. If you have any hope of making this relationship with him work you have to create boundaries that are non negotiable. I am not saying the word ultimatum!!! What I mean is letting him know what will work for you and what won't. If he loves you as much as you say, he will make the sacrifice. However if the material things are more important to him than you than maybe its time to walk away before things get ugly. Furthermore you need to have a talk with you Mother in law and let her know your concerns.  She would not be bailing her son out if she did not love him and maybe she shares your concerns about his spending habits.

Answer 2

He won't change.  He's a shopaholic.  He's just as addicted as a smoker or a crack addict.  Even if he had (in your eyes) everything he NEEDED he would just find something he WANTED.  It never ends.  My husband is the same way.  He ran up credit cards buying plasma TV's (3 of them), Playstations, games, laptops, etc.  He received an inheritance & talked a BIG game about investing the money.  He put it in a checking account instead & spent $30,000 the first month.  YES 30K in 30 days.  He spent another $30,000 over the next 6 months as well.

Unless you plan on taking full control of all the money he will always spend it.  Either you manage it ALL & treat him like a kid or just don't ever expect him to have anything left.  There's really no middle ground with a person like that.

Answer 3

he either gives you most of the paycheck and you are the family money person, or you resign yourself  that you are the second wife after his first wife, his mom.  and you accept that he will never see you as someone he would want to care for and cherish like a real grown man would, you are really just a roomate to him, his mom is the main partner in his llife,  and if you can accept that then dont complain.

and here is a hint, he is not depressed.  dont even go there.   that is his sneaky excuse to get what he wants.  it is ridiculous.  

does he also like to drink do drugs and has no real motivation to do much of anything?  well, you picked him.  

you married a child and you must have known this.  will he change, the short answer is that he has no reason to.  so, you would be well advised to never have a child with him because that child will go without also.  dont forget, you picked him.  

adults agree on financial issues and know each others habits with money before they move to a new city and get a new job and move in with the guy and his mother.  you perhaps are too young to know this?  well, this is answers and now you know more than you did before.

Answer 4

Hide all the cash.

Answer 5

dump him he will never change.

blame his mom she`s the culprit!

or should i say dump them both!

Answer 6

Maybe your husband is a compulsive shopper?  He might need help.  

I think that your financial problems are going to really mess up your marriage.  A discussion about managing your finances together is long overdue.  If you can't work it out yourselves, there is nothing wrong with seeking a marriage counselor for help and advice.

Answer 7

not much until his mom decides that its time to cut the apron strings and let him be responsible and be a man. she has no idea what she has created nor what **** she will cause him in the future if shes unable to stop supporting him and you. my advise is either go along with the system until you can't handle it anymore or sit down with him and talk, if that doesn't work honey i hate to say. there's not a lot of future for the both of you.  

Answer 8

I wish I could tell you it will change but I don't think it well. My husband is the same way. If he has to have something then he will make sure sometime there is way he can have it.

He has spent thousands on a computer,game system, games, but has yet to buy me a wedding band and we been married close to a

year:(

Then when I was pregnant with out daughter I was put on bedrest for health problems. He never gave me money for nothing! Every month I would get an electric shut off notice. I didn't have money to go to the store when I needed to. It sucked so bad!

But yet guess what he goes out and trades in his car that cost way more than his old one. With about 150 more a month on top of the payment he was paying. If I would ask him for money it was seriously like I would have to beg him, that's pretty much how it was too. I ask him to pay the light bill or cable it would be a fight. Sense 2008 he has only given me cash twice. Paid the elctric bill 3 times and electric 3 times.

But yet he can go out and charge a computer. When he needed a cell phone O you better believe he made sure he got one too.

He got deployed here recent all he left me with girl was a box of diapers.

No cash at all for over 2 month. I had to borrow money from my aunt and my friend to by our baby diapers and formula. He paid almost 200 bucks on his cell phone bill plus had a few extra bucks to hit the bar with. But yet I'm at home with our newborn baby with nothing out in my kitchen. No gas in my car  lost my car insurance was on my final notice for electric.  

So I guess him paying his cell phone was more important than his family. I guess s***w it if we starve or the baby has no diapers.

I went to my aunt and one of my guy friends and they gave me a loan. I put gas in my car put the baby in the carseat and went everywhere looking for a job.

So now I work 2 jobs and am the soul supporter of myself and our daughter. He gives me a little money but it isn't jack! Gas in my car to go to work and a baby sitter eats that up.

My point is hun please listen to me THEY DON'T CHANGE!

I love my husband to but girl it comes a time in life where enough is enough. I am still thinking of divorce with my husband. It would break my heart if I do end up divorcing him but you know what who can live with someone for the rest of their lives who can't even spend money right or buy a loaf of break.

Think about it and I wish you luck...

Answer 9

Counseling sounds like your best option..or you'll be in divorce court soon.

Answer 10

My sister's husband did the same thing. You could have him see a counselor and I think also you should put him on an allowance!

Answer 11

You knew all this, married him.... now you expect him to change? Why do people do that to themselves?  

Answer 12

Eventually your beloved but irrational boy will put YOU in the poorhouse and blame YOU for it. But mommas boy will be safe and cozy with his mommy in her home, laughing at you.  This is an unwinnable battle you are headed into sister, and YOU are going to be the only casualty....

Answer 13

you are not talking about a man   it seems like  you are talking about  a college  girlfriend   he needs t0 st0p  and  d0 s0mething ab0ut it  if = u  lve him   help him   h0w ?  idk  but  he needs t0 take kare 0f  y0u  n0t  u  take  kare 0f him  or get an0ther husband  and live him  with his  games  and  c0mputers  he needs  t0  grow up