My husband and I are completely diffrent, can our marriage surrvive?

Question

My husband is 34 and I am 23. We have a 2 year old daughter. We have been together 3 years and been married 2 years. I am a stay at home mother. We have one 2 year old. We fight a lot of everything b/c we have different views. For example, I don't want to clean 8 hours a day, I want to spend time playing with our baby. I also babysit a 2 year old 8 hours a day. He wants me to clean all day. I like us to do things as a family some times, he likes to sit home. I like to go out to eat, he likes to order out. I like to go to the movies, he likes to rent movies. I like us to go out with friends, he wants to invite them over to our apartment. I like to go shopping, he doesn't. He is a home body, I am not. He doesn't like intimate, I do. I am affectionate, he isn't. I like to give him attention, he doesn't like it. And other things. Can we survive?

Answer 1

I would like to understand how is it that you fell in love with him in the first place. Does he know that you may feel like a prisoner in your own house doing the same thing everyday. Marriage has its good and bad times. I think you can save your marriage only if your husband is willing to cooperate and that both of you put an effort to make each others life better and your kid's too. I suggest to try to look at the good side of the bad things. If he is gonna order food, order something you want to eat. If hes gonna rent a movie, you pick the movie, etc... He might think everything is fine if you don't talk to him about the issue.

Answer 2

You want to get out cause you are a stay at home mom. He wants to relax at home cause he is working. It's not the differences that is the problem but the respect of each others differences. And honestly most relationships don't last without affection, friendship and enjoy doing things together. Give and take go out some times stay home some times. You may not make it forever unless you can be happy like this or he is willing to do some changing too.

Answer 3

First of all, if you are babysitting a two year old, then you have a job.  Secondly, tell him you will clean 8 hours a day if you can drop the babysitting job and get a nanny to come in for a few hours a day.  Being around kids is tough work!  

Other than that, it sounds like normal couple stuff.  If you can learn to compromise with each other and alternate when you go out vs stay in, you can create a balance so you can both be happy.

Answer 4

Yeah you guys are just destined for eternal happiness...

Sheesh!  Why the h**l did you get knocked up?  HIS MONEY?!??!?!

I guess sometimes the writing on the wall needs to be translated to moron.

Answer 5

You both need to see a marriage counselor because when your child is old enough you might be anxious to get a job or go to college part time.  at your age it is wise to keep a back up plan to protect yourself.  I sense you are with a very controlling man and at your age you didn't have much of a chance to enjoy your young adult years.  Hopefully this is just a new adjustment to starting a family and that is why I suggest a counselor.  If he doesn't want to go it will help you to see one yourself so you can have a professional help you sort out your feelings and also to know your rights in your family unit.  You are his wife not his slave.  You also maybe new to having a household and make it clear that you are in charge of the home and don't be afraid to assert that.  I know that small kids can be tough at that age.  make it clear that you both need a neat home even if not perfect.  when my son was that age I had a playpen and I did the big stuff around the house real quick. As long as they are in it for just a small amount of time it wont hurt her.  when I was folding, ironing and hanging clothes my son would try to mess them up and it was quicker to put him in the playpen and take him out after I put them away.  he fussed a bit but it didn't hurt and do the dishes before he gets home. Give the bathroom a wipedown daily when the baby is napping. If he is not satisfied with clean dishes and laundry in check and has a problem with a few toys on the floor than you tell him there is a child in this household too and tell him to quit picking on you.  If this behavior continues try to work to help the marriage, but at your age you need to have the option open to self support.  I have seen too many women around my age (44) who are scrambling to support themselves and kids after a bad marriage.  I was fortunate because I married young too, but continued my education and worked.  My husband was several years older and a control freak and I did leave him, but I was prepared.  I am not trying to scare you, I am just being realistic.  I hope all goes well for you and your family.

Answer 6

And just why did you marry this guy?...you both need counseling, or go your separate ways....

Answer 7

Didn't figure this out when you were dating him? There is a reason a woman his age wouldn't marry him. He is controlling and insecure with himself.

Not real sure this can be fixed...........

Answer 8

Welcome to marriage.

As a stay at home wife myself -i understand. Sometimes the guys have unrealistic views of WHAT we can/cannot do with our time. (If I clean all the time - I cannot prepare a dinner for you!) in your case its "If I clean all the time, I cannot take care of the baby!" Things have priority's...baby, food on table, then cleaning. Make him understand this...if he does not - Stop doing one of the things. (Aka - Clean allot, but dont cook food) He will learn quickly.

As for the differences, its ok. Compromise. Tell him "We can do take out today, and Sit in and eat tomorrow!" or "Lets go to a movie today, and next time we can rent!" ...etc. Compromise with each other. (as for affection - tell him you wish for more passion...that you feel a hole in your body that only he can fill...that only his love can. Tell him that you love him...and that you have needs that must be meet too)

Seems like he demands allot - Make a few yourself. Also what helps - just pounce on him one day...MAKE him want you. :D You can make this work! You are a great women...you can do this. Your strong, your smart and creative.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 9

It sounds like you need a professional therapist to help you guys get on the same page about the important things.

People in a marriage don't have to be the same about everything....but they do have to have the same ideas about the big stuff.

Answer 10

People who are so very different can survive as a married couple, but it takes something I'm not sure you are mature enough to understand: COMPROMISE. Sometimes you do what he wants, sometimes he does what you want, & hopefully along the way you'll find things you both like to do. Without compromise on both parts, you'll have a tough time. What brought you two together in the first place? That might be a good place to start & build on.