My husband and I are considering foster care (in Ohio). We are far from rich, but caring, educated, clean...?

Question

Ultimately, we'd love to adopt. I've had surgery which reduced my chances of getting pregnant GREATLY. I know foster parents are needed urgently, but I don't know anyone who has done it. Can people who have done foster care and/or adoption share some stories with me? I am so ready to share our home and our life with a child who needs someone to care. Caring we have in abundance, just not money. Is that going to really hurt our chances of being considered? We eat very well (healthy, homecooked balanced meals), have good health insurance and all... HELP! Is the world of foster care very cut-and-dry?

Answer 1

You don't need to have a lot of money to foster children, you just need to be able to house, feed and clothe yourselves and a child adequately.  You also need to provide adequate room and a safe home for a child, pass criminal checks, and be willing to describe yourself, your partner and relationship.

From what you've told us, you sound like ideal candidates to start your applications, the only qualities that are mandatory are a love of children, compassion and a willingness to help families.

I decided to become a foster parent instead of having biological children, and every day I thank God that I made that decision, otherwise I wouldn't have the gorgeous kids that I have in my life now.  It's hard work, I'm not going to lie, you need patience, dedication, patience, love, patience and more patience, lol.

But every single hiccup is worth it when you see these children growing, developing, and turning into whole healthy kids.  It makes it all worthwhile.  I've seen my  little ones come from a severely neglected, bordeline attatchment disordered toddler, and a hugely delayed and malnourished infant into 2 perfectly healthy, stable and loving children.  They're quite literally different children entirely, and it scares me sometimes how much I love them and have become attatched to them.

There are the sad stories, obviously, it's not all rainbows and butterflies, but try to remember that however much it may seem like a child is failing, something positive, however small, has been put into their lives by having people who love and care about them.

I say go ahead and look into it, contact your child services department, go to an info session, and have a talk to your husband.  Personally, I have no regrets.  I've included a link to foster care info for your state, hope that helps.

Good luck!

http://codes.ohio.gov/oac/5101:2-7

http://www.jfs.ohio.gov/factsheets/foste...

http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cb/cwmo...

http://www.adoption.about.com/od/bystate

Answer 2

Well figure out how much the government pays you each month if you have a foster child, because that money can help a lot. Not to be mean or anything, but get to know the foster child you are considering taking home real well before you decide. Some foster kids may have witnessed terrible things at a young age so their minds may be different from normal kids. If you adopt it can cost several thousand, I think. My parents adopted my two oldest brothers, but they definetly didn't regret it.

Answer 3

My father lives in Chardon, Ohio and he has adopted four kids.  They are far from rich as well, so don't worry about that.  Your finances will be gone over, but so long as you can support the child and have a place for them you should be fine.  Try to remember that when your case worker is going over your home and finances they are NOT looking for reasons to exclude you.  As you said, people like you are desperately needed so the case worker will be looking for ways to make sure you qualify so take any advice he or she has to give.  Good luck to you!

Answer 4

Hi Scout, I am a former foster child from New England. I spent half my life in foster care, four different homes before I spent several years in my final foster home where I returned to during college vacations. I will share a bit of my story with you. I was old enough that I was given the choice as to whether I wanted to be put up for adoption, and I opted out. *No specific details to protect privacy.

In my case I had a somewhat normal upbringing until a few years before the family seperation my single parent suffered from mental illness and addiction. At the time there was no other family to take us. I and my siblings were seperated because DSS could not find placement for all of us in one location.

My first foster home was an overnight emergency fosterhome with 4 children, 2 adults, in a small apartment. I was given a air mattress on the playroom floor to sleep on that night. The next day, I missed school while I was brought to my 2nd foster home, this would be my permanent home for the next 9 months until my fosterparent had a heart attack.

The 2nd fosterhome, the fosterparent had adopted 2 brothers as young children, both were behavioral problems and constantly in trouble. During my time there on a biweekly basis DSS caseworkers dropped off new foster children, sometimes one, sometimes siblings.

There were the group of very young children who had been constantly neglected by their mother, left alone so long they were found foraging in a next door dumpster for food. They were very happy despite what they had been through, and would smile occasionally. They were moved to another fosterhome eventually, last I heard DSS was working on family unionization.

Another set of siblings, I do not know the full story, one arrived w/ a burnt hand. She later confessed to burning herself by holding her hand to a bare lamp lightbulb, and was constantly witnessed her trying to get to the stove. Eventually both were moved to a special behavioral facility for foster children.

3rd fosterhome was a temporary 4 month stay after this place was closed due to foster parents health. I was the only fosterchild, had my own room for the first time in my life, and peace and quiet. It was like a vacation.

4th fosterhome, and my last. I was here for 10yrs. This became my new "family", over time I interegrated into this family because they were special people. I was not placed in this home for any grand reason, only reason was b/c they had a daughter who attended the same high school as I did, it was either this home ofr one 4 towns over & a school transfer mid-year. Thus, is the life of an over crowded fostercare system.

Now, a bit on this family, they took in fosterkids for over ten years. Had 2 biological children, and adopted 4 children. I was the last before they closed for personal reasons. 3 of these kids were special needs who require behavioral medications to function, Dr visits are a biweekly occurence, and abnormal behavior & reactions are common. This family had 1 child since infancy, 2 as toddlers, and 1 as young child. 2 had monthly visitation w/ family for several years before adoption became final. Parental rights were terminated by the state in all cases. Three kids are as happy in life as most can be in a crowded busy house, btw school, friends, medications, and the known behavior problems - ADD, ADHD, Down Syndrome, Fetal Alcohol, Depression, occasional nightmares, in the past there was bed wetting, hyperactivity, and other behaviors shown by abused children.

I dont tell you this to scare you just to give you the truth from inside the foster home perspective, and so you may understand where some of these kids come from. The idea of a creating a loving home is grand, but some do not seem to be aware of who or what they are bringing into their home. The child is not a teddy bear that can be fixed merely with hugs and kisses, it will take alot of love, time, patience, forbearance, and discipline.

Child #1 was the child of a mentally handicapped woman who was raped, raised in DSS from infancy, adopted, Down Syndrome & Fetal Alcohol.

Child #2 As an infant, beaten by drug addict father, suffered heart failure & neurological damage. Placed in DSS after released from medical care, for first years of life was unable to walk. My fosterparents did not give up on him and is an obnoxious p*****n, with severe behavioral problems, but if kept to a strict routine, medications, and environment is a great person. Abnormal behavior: the color red always triggers nightmares.

Child#3: Adopted as young child, molested by parent, DSS supposedly could not find evidence again parent, finally after several years adopt went through. Child has worked through alot of behavioural problems with therapy.

Child #4: Adopted as older child, did not exihibit problems for several years, had friends, very intelligent a+ student, always helped around the house. A few years ago, as teen start acting out violently, ran away, stole from family, lying, failing grades. Police had to be involved, violent behavior escalated to the point teen was placed in several juvenille facilities, after several incidents at the facilities involving weapons, outbursts, etc. it was decided permanent placement in said facility until age of 18.

One foster child who I always remember is a baby at this foster home, was given up at birth. In the fosterhome for nearly 15 months, and had started calling the fosterparents Mama - Dada as you expect a baby to do. During this time, the baby was a fosterkid, but was also listed on the adoptee list, so was visited several time by prospective parents. Baby was caucasian - blue eyed, chubby, smiling, no physical deformity, was the cutest. At 9 months a supposed family was found, multiple visits took place, and baby was brought to the adoptive family home for visit...things progressed until baby was diagnosed w/ Kleinfeld Syndrome?, the family stopped adoption proceedings. At that point my foster parents were heart broken, they loved this baby but were already financially & emotionally tapped with 5 kids of their own still in the house under 16, 1 foster kid (myself). But, unbelievably they had actually started going through the process to be considering for adopting the baby. At this point they were mama and dada to baby.

Happily and sadly, a new adoptive couple soon came on scene. After the adoptive process, visits, and awareness of the future neurological problems baby would have, they adopted baby. They update the foster family several times a year, baby is doing great.

My short story, I was raised in an okay home, not beaten, neglected, or molested. It was the last few months things fell apart due to mental illness and drugs, and deteriorated to the point parental rights were terminated by the state several years later, after attempts at family unification. I am under the category of the "luckier" foster kids, because I at least do not have horror stories and nightmares that will haunt me. I to was left with some baggage that is common with adult foster children, after meeting several. I went to college, work full time, and support myself since 21 yrs old, no teenage pregnancy, no arrests, drug problems, and graduated high school. There are others who have made it, but they travelled a rougher road, but they deserve more credit b/c they had more demons to fight.

After rambling on for so long, my point after all this, there will always be children in need, some can be helped, some cannot - no matter who or what is done for them, as cold hearted as it sounds a select few are damaged goods, due to lack of bonding, neglect, damage to the mind, body, and soul. But, they still deserve a chance to make it, unfortunately they do not often get it.

Alot of us have made it because of people who have cared enough to try and have succeeded. Maybe you will be one through foster or adoption, but before you do thoroughly research, and if you start always get as much background about the children as possible and always be prepared for the unexpected. I hope some of this can help you.

Answer 5

You do NOT have to be rich to be foster parents. The caring is the important part, and it sounds as if you've got that.

Here's the specific Ohio law regarding income, etc.

"5101:2-7-02 D) A foster caregiver or applicant shall have an income sufficient to meet the basic needs of the household and to make timely payment of shelter costs, utility bills, and other debts."

And here's the whole law on foster care in Ohio:

http://codes.ohio.gov/oac/5101:2-7

A few more details:

--You don't even have to own your own home--renting is fine.

--Children can share a room (up to 4 children of the same s*x), but not deprive any existing family member of a room or bed (makes total sense or else there'd be jealousy).

--"5101:2-7--08 (A) A foster caregiver shall be responsible for the full-time care of a foster child. This does not prohibit both foster caregivers in the case of a couple, co-parents or a single foster caregiver from working outside the home."

--If you are providing specialized foster care (for a child with special needs) and you need "respite care" (i.e. it just becomes too much and you really need a break to be able to go back and be a good parent to the child(ren)) then respite care will be provided.

--You may not spank foster children, or deprive them of meals as punishment.

As you can see, this is all pretty basic stuff -- you CAN do this. You only have to be able to be good parents -- extra good parents, because children in foster care are rarely unscathed -- if their homelife had been decent they would still be there. But you don't have to come into the process knowing how to do this. The agencies will give you plenty of training in the needs of foster children and in general parenting. A lot of this training would be great for ANY parent to have. And the children will have ongoing medical care and counseling available.

Here's a great article on how to become a foster parent in Ohio, how the process works, and about how long it takes:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article...

For more information, contact your local County Family and Children's services office.

Good luck!

Answer 6

currently in my state, California, they'll pay you money each month to adopt a foster youth. I think that is definately the way to go when looking into adoption. Most children who are in the foster care system have been removed from abuse and neglect in their homes. These are the children who NEED LOVE, stability, structure and a place to call home. Permanency.  

Thank you, for thinking about the children.

Answer 7

In Oregon, part of the foster care qualifications is that you have to make enough money - without the pay from foster children - to be able to support your own family.    As long as you're not getting into it for the money, the state of your family's finances are not an issue, and the most important thing is, in fact, the caring.  Keep on caring, and good luck!

Answer 8

I can only speak from my own personal experience which is as a foster and soon to be adoptive mother in Canada.

Foster care was a rewarding experience but I won't lie.  It was very hard at times. Dealing wiht social workers (some good some bad) birth parents (some good some bad) and living in a giant fishbowl.  Imagine something normal happens everyday to everyday children such as they fall down and get bruised.  As a parent no one looks twice, but as a foster parent can get questioned up the wazoo, have false allegations etc.  We were avid journallers so we never had a large problem but we saw it happen to others.  This is normal and expected to ensure safety of children but nonethess less stressful on the foster parents.

Saying goodbye also hard (well for most kids anyway lol), especially if you knew they would be back in two months anyway.

That all being said, watching the joy on a child's face and assisting greatly in their development to get over past trauma's, neglect, etc. or whatever their circumstances was rewarding.

As for money, here you don't have to have money to foster.  Money is NOT an indicator if you can raise a child or not, but they want to ensure the motive for fostering is NOT to get more money.  (110% of all monies we received went back to our kids)

They look for homes that are:

Safe

Clean (not pristine but not moldy etc.)

happy

Can deal effectively with a wide vareity of children

Have good motives for fostering

And really in some cases they are so desperate they just need beds.

How will they be able to handle saying goodbye

As an aside, we are now in the process of adopting three children ages 4,5,6.  We finish our homestudy and classes end of Feb. and we are hoping by April.  This process has been smooth.  

If you are ready for a rollercoaster, foster care is for you.  If you are unsure, meet and talk wtih the agency adn they will give you more information.

Good luck!