My husband and I are having some issues...?

Question

My husband and I are having some issues that are just hard to deal with. Over the years he has been mean and mostly just gone doing his own things.... Well, I found someone else and am ready to move on with my life and now all of a sudden he wants to be dad, husband... I can't get over the anger and well, I just don't feel that way for him anymore... Well, my new guy told me we should take a break for one month and let my husband get his head together 'cause he has started fighting with me everyday... My husband knows nothing of my new guy... But he pushed me against the door jam last night twice and now I have bruises all over my arms and legs. He broke the blood vessels in my right hand yanking my cell phone out of it. Of which he took my cell phone and slammed it into the door and busted it to pieces.. Now he wants me to forgive him and just move on..?! I don't even know where to start! I love someone else, my life has moved on. But I can't leave him 'cause he takes all the money I make working. So, I have nothing. I am trying to go up the ladder to get my education and I'm closer than he thinks. At that time I plan on leaving him..I just need some good advice on this 'cause I'm missing sleep and it's just really, really hard... Any thing please? And don't be rude, you have never walked in my shoes...

Answer 1

It isn't a good idea to get involved with someone else when you are married to another....I think your new guy is right and doing the right thing by suggesting that you take a break for AT LEAST a month....You need to decide if you want to stay with your husband and work on your marriage....or if you want to leave him...and do the necessary things to do so if that is your choice....When there is a will to make changes...there is a way....may not be a quick way....but a way non the less....

Answer 2

file a police report for abuse before he kills you ! how angry is he going to be over the new man ???????

Divorce if you are not willing to repair the relationship, then move on..

Answer 3

You only have to figure out what exactly it is you want here and whether you want to accomplish this with or without your husband and then go from there. Personally, I would say forget the guys and finish your education. That way youre never dependent on another guy ever again and you have complete control of your life. You have your husband on charges of physical abuse if you want to file but you definitely dont need to put up with him, but to go from one relationship right into another is not good either. So take some time for yourself and do something for just you that will help and be good for you. The rest will take care of itself

Answer 4

The only reason I have never walked in your shoes is I left an abusive man with not much more than the clothes on my back and went to live in a homeless shelter until I could scrape some money together to rent a room. If you're not willing to leave, you have no choice but to put up with the abusive behavior. I chose not to, even tho I had no place to go at the time. Your paycheck has YOUR name on it - take it and run.  

Answer 5

if your not happy and your sure your marraige wont work than it is time to move on

you deserve to be happy

Answer 6

If he's physically hurting you now, he'll keep doing it. Get away from him and tell the cops. How is he taking all your money that you worked for? He sounds like a control freak and not someone you should be with. Good luck and i hope things turn around for you soon and you get to your happy place with the new guy or wherever it may be.

Answer 7

Four things.

1. Go to the police/hospital/doctor and get the bruising documented straight away. You may need to use that to get him out, or to get him to leave you alone.

2. Leave the other guy alone. The boyfriend's right - you can't work on what you want/don't want if he's around making things even more complicated. If your marriage is truly over let it be because you're done with your husband, not because you already have a replacement waiting in the wings.

3. You are wrong. It sounds to me that hubby does already have an idea that there is someone else involved. That whole "but I can change" and attacking your phone use indicates that. Be careful, if you live in an at fault state, he may be able to prove adultery on your part, and lessen the divorce settlement because of that.

4. If you are going to move on with someone else now, file for divorce - now. Using hubby until you are ready to leave is abdominal - perhaps he feels that coming from you? You are using him. Yes, he may be a bad husband, but you are being no better.  

Once you are done, the paperwork filed, and things sorted, take some time with just you. 90% of relationships that start with someone cheating are over within 5 years. So if you leave hubby because of the boyfriend you may well find yourself alone anyway. Better to know if you can, and how to cope with that.  

Answer 8

Take what you can and go elsewhere.  Don't stay around till your husband beats you to death, and he could.  Get shed of him.  Get a restraining order.  Get a divorce.  Don't give him forgiveness and more time.  He's had that too much already.  Maybe I don't condone already having someone new, but I want you to know I do want you to get out of the situation you are in.  There is no sense to letting a man beat on you.  The jerk.

Answer 9

I guess I would say leave him. I understand he makes the money but you're a woman and you can start being independant and make the money yourself!! Don't be afraid to do that because if that is whats holding you back that is sad! He is a jerk and he does not deserve you. If he thinks he can put his hands on you like that and even think that its okay and you can just forgive him he is in a dream world and needs to wake up! Get out of there as soon as you can and start making your life what you want it to be! Take care!

Answer 10

aww poor thing! he sounds like a real d-i-c-k. If he's continually harming you physically than you need to go.. at the point when your safety gets involved than it's a serious matter. My advice is to leave before it gets any worse

good luck hun

Answer 11

Well for the first thing, your money is your money. Get a checking account in only your name and keep your money there.

An abusive husband is not one that yo want to stay with too long. Do you have somewhere you can go? I also wonder why your new guy is not there for you right now.

Answer 12

regardless the existence of the other guy you're seeing, you will have to leave your husband anyway, he is abusive.  

Answer 13

If he is physically abusive then leave. Is he your pimp because I dont know why he would take your money from YOUR job. Leave him and dont count on your new guy either because he shouldn't even let you stay with someone who is abusive and if he sees you stay with someone abusive he will lose respect for you as well.

OR wait til you finish school, the new guy will wait if he really cares for YOU.

Good luck...

Answer 14

First of all I would never judge you for whatever reason you feel you need to stay in the relationship.  But to me it seems the relationship has escalated to abuse.  My only concern is the next time he may either kill you  or you may be hospitalized.  Please reconsider staying, I know this will be very hard for you but if the plan is for you to be with this other man you might want to think about it.  I wish you the best!

Answer 15

The way things are going you may not live long enough to leave him!

Answer 16

Good for you finding someone you love who loves you back!!!  Don't worry about the money, it'll work out. Consult with a lawyer - sometimes free - and get divorced ASAP!!!  Move on with your life and don't let your mean husband stop you!!  One word of caution - if your boyfriend is also married - be careful!!!  When his time comes he may not get out of his marriage regardless of what he tells you - even if he believes it and you believe it - chance are better than good he won't get a divorce!!  You will still be way happier without your husband though - good luck!!

Answer 17

You really do need to get out.  I know its hard to finally do that, but you said it yourself... you have moved on.. and you have found someone else.  If your husband hurt you for some other reason than finding out about the other guy, what will he do when he finds that out?  I have a friend that is in the same boat but without the other guy and last month her husband opened her head with a head butt, (after years of pushing her)  she ended up with 7 stitches on her forehead.

you owe it to yourself and your children to seek help.  I know how hard it is, I ran three weekends straight with my children until I ran the last time.  that was 5 years ago.. it has been hard to see my friend go through this.  an abusive person remains an abusive person.

leave him for you and for your children not the new guy.work on that later.  good luck!

Answer 18

um havent ive seen this type of c**p on an eposode of cheaters?