My husband and I are looing to adopt privately. We recently experienced a miscarriage. Can anyone help?

Question

I want a "private adoption" meaning that I will not go through an agency. I don't want to go through an agency because they charge way too much and I feel that is money that could be spent on the baby's needs, right?

Secondly, I can have children ( I didn't have a "miscariage" I just delivered early at 22 weeks and my son lived for 2 1/2 hours) I have an incompetent cervix and so the next time I do get pregnant, it will have to be planned and I will have to get a cerclage.

We are trying to adopt now because we feel that it would be best (since we do want to adopt anyway) that our first child be adopted so that they will not fel inferior to any of our natural children- if that makes since. Also we are a young couple that wants to expand our family and conceiving is not an option right now, we have decided that adoption would be our 1st step in family planning. I really just don't know how to get started. There are teens out there pregnant... is that a better way to go in adoption?

Answer 1

I think you should get with a lawyer or agengy first to find out if you even qualify to adopt.  Every state has their different rules.

Answer 2

Revised since you added details:

I am so sorry for your loss.

First of all, you need to decide what type of adoption you are interested in.  Is your heart set on a newborn, or could you take an older child?  Do you want to adopt from the US, or go abroad?  How are your finances?  All types have their pros and cons so I can't really advise you about that without knowing what your priorities are.  You will need to get a homestudy whichever type you choose.

If you are looking for a newborn, http://www.parentprofiles.com is an excellent site to let potential birthmoms know about your family.  You can use this site in lieu of getting an agency/attorney to make the match for you, thus cutting costs.  If you want to adopt through the state, which is MUCH less expensive than any private adoption, search for waiting foster children here-

http://photolisting.adoption.com/foster-...

I wish you the best of luck!

~Kelsey

Answer 3

If your recent miscarriage was one of several, and you feel capable of moving forward because you are experienced at this process, then I would say go ahead and start moving to find out more.  But if this is a new experience, please -- stop and take time to grieve, completely .  If you don't, your feelings will not be resolved, you will not be ready, and your expectations may be unrealistic.  The best way to honor our children is to be ready for them -- emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.  When you are -- adopt!  It will fill your life with joy!

Answer 4

If you say you would like to adopt privately, it can mean two things. Are you looking for a private adoption which birth parents will have no contact with the child or adopt privately without an agency?

I understand that a miscarriage is hard to get over,  but I suggest you should still try an agency, since there are a less chance to find a child by your self. ( A agency can promise birth moms many things, including finanicial status of the adoptive parents, a thorough background checks, parents that already educated themselves with adoption classes.) That's why there are more chances for adoptive parent who went through the agency.

Answer 5

I am very sorry to hear of your loss.

I know in the UK you have to wait a while after losing a child before you can adopt. Its because they think you atre trying to replace a child that you have lost.

Me and my husband were in a situation too but its very differentt to yours. We have IVF and we are in the process of fostering our nephew (long term) but we were told that this could have been a problem for us too as they dont always review it  as they think the same, that we just "need" a child.

It may be different for private adoption and I hope you are ready

Good luck to you