My husband and I are not rich by any way you look at it BUT.....?

Question

We would love to adopt a baby. I looked on the net,even look at older children in poverty stricken countries. I was told that if we didn't have like $20,000 dollars to just visit the place a few times and pay for the fees to bring the child here, not to even think about it. I mean what the h**l? They would rather see these kids stay in an orphaniage and probley die, than let them come live with 2 parents who have a brand new home,land,and with a father who has insurance and been with the same company forever. My question is... Is THIS RIGHT?

Answer 1

I'm afraid you don't understand all of what goes into an agency being able to place that child for adoption.  An agency takes on a lot more than just placing that child.  Most gencies work with 4 times as many birthmothers than actually place for adoption, and those expenses have to be covered  somehow.  If you want to see what a typical agency's expenses go for, you can read one of my previous posts on adoption fees.  (It is very long!)

But don't be discouraged!   If agency fees are too high for your family, you have other alternatives!

1.  Private adoption (can be as low as $5000+) --  You put an ad in the newspaper, or contact attorneys, or put your profile on an internet adoption site like Parent Profiles.

2.  Foster to Adopt -- You go through the state and foster a child in hopes of adopting.  Infant adoption is possible.  Fees=0

3.  Adopt an older child -- Again, through the state.  If you are really wanting to HELP a child, this is where the need is!  There is NO need for more parents for ANY infants --anywhere.  There are now way too many adoptive parents wanting to adopt infants than there are infants.  That's why countries like China, and more to follow, are getting stricter about who can adopt their children.

Is it right?  Well, it is how it is.  Adoption agencies protect your rights, the child's rights and the birthparent's rights.  Lawyers are hired for each of you.  And housing, groceries, utilities, clothing, transportation, medical care, hospital stay, etc. is paid for their birthmothers for up to 10 months.  And many birthmothers do not place their baby after being supported by the agency.  How is that expense going to be paid?  It is what keeps the doors open for the birthmothers who do place, so those babies can be adopted.  It's the system we have.  If adoptive parents did not pay these fees, then many birthmothers would not be able to place a baby for adoption, and many would feel forced to seek out abortion as an answer.  

I hope this helps.

Answer 2

no one has the right to tell you that by no means especially if they are a reputable agency. I know going to other countries to adopt is hard because you have to jump through lots of hoops and red tape with INS and such just to be considered. I personally want to adopt domestic in my country just because of those reasons. the only thing they should expect from you at the start of the process is your application fee and help you get the necessary paper work done and profile completed before asking for more money to do a home study, there is no avoiding paying out money it is just in how they do it. if the agency wants the complete amount right way I would look into another agency. it is not right what they are doing to you and you haven't even started anything yet.

Answer 3

Go through you county agency.  Do a search online and you will probably find a phone number to call.  You can take classes and do a homestudy through them usually for free.  If you qualify they will place you on a list.  It can be stressful but is worth the time.  There are plenty of children probably right where you live that need a loving home.  It isn't about being rich, you just have to be able to financially afford to care for a child.  The homestudy will go over your financial situation to make sure you can take on a child (they don't want the child to starve or anything), they will ask for personal references and the more you get the better, they will ask questions about your family history, fingerprint you and make sure you don't have a criminal record containing certain things (they aren't worried about the mistakes you made as a teen just as an adult).  Any adoption with a lawyer, agency or international will go into the thousands of dollars because of all the expenses.

Answer 4

You have several different options.

The first is international adoption.  This is expensive because of the process and everything that is involved.  The ratification of the Hague treaty standardized things more and also has the potential for increasing adoption related costs.  

The second is doing a domestic private adoption.  You can contact an adoption attorney or agency and talk to them about the process, the wait and the costs involved.

The third is to consider adopting from foster care.  Your chances of getting a "healthy white infant" are pretty slim here, but if you're open to parenting a child of a different race, older age, or with special needs, it could be a very good option for you.

To choose an agency or attorney if you go international or domestic/private, research & see where you want to adopt & Google to find agencies that have programs that work with your goals (adopting from a particular country for example).  Make a list of the agencies including their fees, wait times, process, post placement services, etc.  Narrow the list down to about five of them & then interview them, asking them tough questions that haven't been answered yet, ask for and check the references, do an internet search & find others not on their reference list who have used them & check those references, too.  Contact the Better Business Bureau and see if they have any complaints & how they were or were not resolved.  Then you have the information you'll need to know which agency/attorney you'd like to work with.

Keep in mind that there is a federal tax credit (http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc607.html for more info) that you can qualify for.  Some states have tax credits, too.  Contact your state department of revenue to find out if yours does.  You can apply for adoption grants (Google for it) or do fund raisers, too.  We took out a second mortgage on our home.  Some employers offer adoption assistance benefits.  See if your dh's employer does or if they don't...if they'd consider it (go to http://www.davethomasfoundationforadopti... to see about asking for this benefit).

I wish you the best!

Answer 5

It is not right, but there are ways that you can still adopt even if you do not have a ton of money.

We have adopted our daughter (at birth) for $500 agency application fee, $17000 to the agency at birth, and $700 for finalization costs.  With the $17000 it was all on loan, $10000 home equity and $7000 through something called the ABBA fund, which is around to help Christian adoptive families with no intrest adoption loans.

I am a stay at home mom, and my husband bring in less than $2500 a month...if we can do it, anyone can!  Good luck!

Answer 6

You can do a private adoption. All you need is money to cover lawyer fees. There are lots of scared pregnant girls out there who want to find a loving home for their unborn child.

You can also be a foster parent since you have no problem with an older child. Being a foster parent is great, and the requirements are significantly lower. Depending on where you live, after a year you would have the option to adopt the child.

Answer 7

Adoption is a multi-billion dollar business. Sad but true.

Answer 8

I agree that adoption is a huge expense, however, when you start to understand the reasons behind the fees, it does start to make more sense.  Most of the fees associated with adoption are set up to protect the child.  From fingerprinting fees, to background checks, to home studies, etc., these things all protect the children so that they are not placed into abusive or dangerous homes.  If adoption was free or cheap, we would run the risk of children being placed into homes of pedophiles, child abusers, etc.  I want to believe that the monies we paid during our adoption process helped to protect the children waiting for loving families.

That all being said, I do believe that our government needs to step up to the plate and assist adoptive parents once they have been approved by an agency or once the finalization has occurred.  By allowing adoptive parents to claim the entire adoption process on their income taxes, or by offering government subsidies for expenses, it would certainly make it easier for families to take out loans, etc., to start the adoption process.

Answer 9

The reason that the fees are high for a quality adoption is because the lawyers do a lot "behind the scenes" for the birth mom and the adoptive parents.  If you can get lucky enough to use the same lawyer that the birth mom uses, then the fees can be relatively low.  More common is the situation where you are using a lawyer that is local to you, and that lawyer locates a child for you through a vast network of adoption attorneys.

There are some fees that may sound questionable when you first see them, such as advertising.  This may sound very strange, but when you adopt a child, part of the money goes to help pay for the next adoption that attorney does.  The lawyer's office doesn't collect any money until the adoptive parents take custody.  However, their staff still needs to be paid while they process the birth mom and locate the adoptive family.  Birth moms couldn't find the attorney is there wasn't good advertising.

Answer 10

no, its a load of c**p.  sometimes i cant help but think these organizations are just trying to make money/ take adavantage of people.  good luck to you guys.

Answer 11

No, it's not right. There is a lot of this that is c**p, and is completely wrong. Many of those Countries the fees get so high, and they ask for a gift to the orphanage but the orphanage never see's it and it goes straight into the governments pocket.  A lot of red tape and bullchit for money. They don't care about the child, they only care about the money. It's wrong on so many levels.

Have you looked into domestic adoption?  Call and ask around. Places like Catholic charities, and private attornies.

Also, have you thought about foster care? There is a program out there called Concurrent Planning. I don't know if it's available in your state. However, it is meant for children that more than likely will not return home. They are on two tracks. One being reunification if their birth parents get it together, the other being adoption if they don't. Instead of moving them around from place to place, they are placed in your home and your home only. You can decide the age, and issues that you are okay with. Yes, babies do exist and are very common so don't believe what you've always heard. If you all are interested in older children there are a ton of kids available and waiting for adoptive homes in foster care. In fact if they are older, your state probably has some incentives for you to adopt them. Like full paid college tuition to an instate college, insurance, an ongoing stipend, etc.

The children in care often are not unlike those in other Countries. If you are interested, or want to look into it, call your local DCBS office and ask when their next informational meeting is. They'll be glad to tell you.

We adopted our son, and they even covered the adoption costs. He was a newborn when placed with us. He's the best little one I could ever hope for.