My husband and I don't agree on where to live. HELP!!!?

Question

My husband and I have been on and off for the seven years that we have been 'together', largely due to the fact that he wants to live in Orlando and I want to live in Mobile with my extended family. We have tried both places and he wasn't happy there and vise versa. We have come to a point where we have to decide because we are both comepletely unhappy with the way things are going. There are three children involved, we are both under 25, and we have been legally married for over four years. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

I have moved 35 times in my life!  When I was younger of course I had to go w/my family where ever they went. My Dad was a minister, & we moved a lot due to that.  When I got married we moved around a lot as our family grew & we needed more room.  I also have been married a couple times & therefore more moves.  But I was always happy where ever I went as long as my husband & I were happy, home was where the heart is.  As for your situation, I don't know why you would have to live near your family.  I know it helps to have family near by, but I left home when I was 17, & moved to where my fiance was to be closer to him.  I got a job & was happy as long as I was w/him.  That's all that mattered.  If your husband likes one area, why can't you adjust to your surroundings, make friends & be happy & grateful you have a happy marriage.  Maybe even a compromise & a place that's near Orlando.  But honestly, comes a time when we must figure out what's most important.  You can always go visit your family, they can come to visit w/you.  When we get married, our home is truly where our heart is.  If your husband is happier in a certain area, is able to get a job more readily in a certain area, that's where you truly belong.  If the two of you truly love one another, get along in all respects, but you wanting to be near your family is the only problem, I'd say it might just be best you go & belong w/where your husband feels most comfortable.  He must have a reason for liking that area, & I don't think his reason is family.  IF by some chance it is, then I feel you should make a compromise & live somewhere inbetween the two areas.  If it's for the sake of emploment, then I'd say he has a legitimate reason for Orlando.  But if your ONLY reason is family, I think you need to let go & just know you easily can do visits now & then & that should be fine w/both of you.  He very easily could resent your family because that's the only reason you "want" to live there.  That would not be a good reason for blocking your mind against Orlando.  I'm sure if you gave yourself an honest chance, really tried hard to make friends, you'd finally feel more comfortable all around & would be able to make a go of it in the long run.  Your marriage comes FIRST & foremost & that's what you must consentrate on.  To me, where you live is not most importamt, your marriage should come first & foremost before anything else.  At one time I even lived in a tent for 3 wks. 5 1/'2 hrs.away from my children  to be where I needed to be, & that was w/my husband.  So just do a reacessment of everything invvolved, take everything into consideration & go from there.  Best to you...:)

Answer 2

I'd say write down a list together about the pro's and con's about Mobile and Orlando.  First thing on the list should be where either of you can get a better job (increased earning potential). be honest

Answer 3

Both of you should take a breather. There is no rush here. Take this idea, and get some paper - I want for each of you to separately put your personal choices on a sheet of paper. Then, on a second level, add the children's preferences in as well. I believe that you guys love each other. This should NOT cause you any further problem. Then, if you so desire, you might be able to come up with a way to satisfy both ends of the 'coin.' What shall we then say to these things? If GOD be for us, WHO can be against us? - Romans 8:31  The Lord daily loadeth us with BENEFITS, even the GOD of our salvation. Selah. - Psalm 68:19   Peace!!!

Answer 4

Try Tallahassee or Pensacola.  Why not live in the middle somewhere?  It only seems logical to me since you'll both be just a few hours away from each of your friends and relatives.

Answer 5

What are the reasons both of you want to live where you do?  For you, is it because you would be close to your family, so it wouldn't matter where else he wanted to live if it wasn't Mobile it wouldn't make you happy?  And for him is it due to a work situation, or does he just like the weather in Orlando or going to DisneyWorld or something?  If he wants to live in Orlando because of a job opportunity, you should respect that, especially if it's an opportunity that doesn't exist in Mobile.  And he should respect your desire to be near the family, but again, you need to compromise.  Split the difference between the two if you can.  If you can't, something else is going to give.

Answer 6

you two need to grow up and think of your children first, remember, they didn't ask to be here.

Answer 7

Marriage is a give and take, one of you needs to be able to do this!!

Answer 8

Somebody's going to have to give and take a little...maybe seriously consider living where your husband would like to live if you really want to see your marriage last. It's all about a compromise, and i'm sure one of you will make it better for the other person..because that's love.  

Answer 9

Pick a different town neither Orlando ot Mobile something between them. Compromise is the only way to get through it.