My husband and I got married 2 yrs ago and didn't have a wedding ceremony but now I want one, is it too late?

Question

My husband and I have been married for almost 2 yrs. We got married at a court house and didn't invite any family members mainly because all of his family lives in another country, and my mother is deceased. In addition, the rest of my family and I aren't tight-knit. My sister and father are not against my relationship, yet I feel a uncomfortable with the fact that they are not unified when it comes to doing family events. Since my husband and I are going to his country for Christmas this year, I figured we could have a small, religious ceremony for a fraction of the cost over there. We'll be there for four weeks, so I figure we would have time to enjoy ourselves. My husband, however, seems to think that once we get to his country, we could plan everything over there instead of planning from now. Any time I ask a question related to it, he starts saying that I don't need to worry about anything that all he needs to do is make a few phone calls and that he has family members that could prepare everything. In addition, on one hand he'll start saying how things are expensive things and then on the other hand that his family is simple and that we don't need to put a lot of energy into this.

I'm so hurt that he thinks that this is for them. He doesn't realize how much this means to ME. I starting to think that he would prefer not have anything, yet he just doesn't want to say it. Everyday for the last couple of weeks, I've been trying to express ideas to him, and then it turns into a dispute of some sort. I'm frustrated and don't know what to do. I spoke to his sister about it, and she says she'd definitely help out, but she's so far away I just feel she's not going to be easily accessible. Should I just forget about this whole thing? Or am I being extreme about this. My husband keeps saying that I'm so dramatic. He constantly ridicules me for showing interest in this whole thing. Any advice? HELP ME!

Answer 1

Hi.  You don't say what country you are traveling to, but you need to research the wedding customs/traditions of that country.

Yes, here in the U.S. many have a vow renewal or a blessing of the marriage (if in a church), but that is certainly not the tradition in every country.

No one on here knows your husband, but it seems to me that he is not "that into it" because of his thoughts (we can plan it when we get there)....(his family is simple).  So, you need to sit down and have a real discussion with him.  Ask HIM exactly what he wants and tell him exactly what you want.  Yes, maybe there could be a small church blessing, but i wouldn't turn it into the "wedding you didn't have."  You are married now so that is that.

Answer 2

Seems awfully selfish to me. You say it's about YOU. A wedding is supposed to be about the couple.

Answer 3

You had a wedding ceremony - it was just small and convenient. Get over it. You could let them plan a RECEPTION for you, and then do a short vow renewal at the time but no matter what country you go to, you can't get remarried in a church or hall or barn. Marriages are honored world-wide. Some churches will do renewal/confirming ceremonies but, after two years, it seems a bit immature to want to do the whole church wedding scene just because you feel left out. Your HUSBAND is probably thinking that you regret marrying him when you did and that this is a total waste of money and he is right. You are acting like a diva. After 2 years, you should feel very thankful that his family would wish to plan and host a big reception for you.

Answer 4

This is a sticky situation, and my heart goes out to you.

Your answer is almost entirely based on what the wedding customs of his family's country are like. From an American perspective, a very small vow renewal ceremony is probably your best bet. Unfortunately, it really is a little too late to have a great big fancy affair with the big white gown. You've been married for two years, after all.

But a vow renewal ceremony can be very touching and can give you the satisfaction of the wedding feel that you want to recapture. You don't have to go all-out like you would as a fresh new bride. A few simple words by a religious officiant, a small reception afterwards and the presence of your husband's family and a pretty dress will do the trick for you.

That being said, your husband is being a jerk about this. He's completely disregarding your feelings on the matter, and that's just not right. I think that might be a much bigger issue than the renewal anyway. Try telling him flat out that he's hurting your feelings, and that you wish he'd just hear you out.

If he's so sure that this can be done while you're over there, then ask him to explain everything to you because it sounds like you're not from the same heritage as he is. Lay off it for a couple of days and do some research on what wedding customs are like in his family's country. Go to your husband armed with information. Talking to his sister and your mother-in-law might be the way to go with this, because they can give you good advice on what their customs are like.

As for your concern over whether or not he wants to do this at all, I can assure you that he thinks it's unnecessary. I have met very few men that are at all interested in weddings, wedding preparations, vow renewals or anything else. They want to be married, sure, but they can do without the big bruhaha that we women like. They don't care as long as they have you. Which, in its own way is sweet, but they can be dunderheads about it.

In essence, talk to your in-laws and THEN talk to your husband. It's difficult to plan any kind of celebration when you're miles away from where you're having that celebration, and if you can't get help with it, then try to find something else to satisfy your (understandable) need for some kind of ceremony.  

Answer 5

It's never too late.  Maybe have a small re-newal ceremony AT the reception.  I don't know how receptive people will be of a whole ceremony first. (many may not show).  But if you can afford it and it's what you want then GO FOR IT! their loss if they don't want to come.  

Sit down and tell your husband this is not about them, youve dreamed about this your whole life and it is what YOU want. If he still doesn't listen withhold s*x til he agrees (lol. I am just kidding.)  Maybe he's afraid of having to do some planning too.  Let him know you want his opinion on things but don't expect him to do all the work.

Good luck hun!

Answer 6

explaIn to hIm that you need to feeel lIke a women on her specaIl day. And remember Its never to late to  get "remarrIed" but If you waIt a lIttle bIt lIke 3 yrs. Then It could be for ur annIversery.

Answer 7

Its never too late! Get "remarried" and have a huge party.

Answer 8

Weddings are a big waste of money! Its just most important that the two of you are happy cause you wont be if you waste lots of Flake on a large cerimony.

Answer 9

of course you can.

Answer 10

First of all, it's really important to take your husband's nationality into consideration when trying to figure out why he is responding to you in the way he is. You are justified in wanting to have a ceremony, but he could also have something in his mind, that may change your perspective on the situation. Be clear and let him know what this means to you, not that you want it to bring your family closer, but because you want it so that you two have a day to remember. Talk to him in a casual, and calm manner, maybe while you are having dinner and not while your passing by a flower shop and you mention, "those will be nice for our wedding". Maybe you can take a different aproach and ask him what he wants, or whats on his mind and let him tell you instead of you continuously asking him...hope this helps!!