My husband and I got married 4 months after his divorce to his ex. ?

Question

When we met they had been seperated for less than a year .. He was honest with me about all of this and had already moved out and was living on his own. WHen we got together things progressed really quickly, we moved in together got married and had a baby all in under a year. Now that we are together, his ex won't let his kids come around if I am around. Why is she being this way when we met after they were seperated? It's not like he cheatd on her. She asked for the divorce but tried to come back to him but it was too late. He told her that he'd met someone and wanted to move on. And know this is the situation. She even tells the kids that our baby (my husbands and I) is not related to them. So when I have the kids over, (hers) they are really weird around me- which I know is based on stuff that their mom has said. What is your take on all of this? My husband and I need to make her understand that there is no reason to be bitter.

Answer 1

No your husband need to step to her like an man,and those kids.Tell her not to talk bad about you to those kids.That they have another sibling.And he's not going to tolerated any bullsh## behavior.

Answer 2

Honey it could take years before you can mitigate what the 'ex' fills their heads with.  Truly - it's NOT your problem.  It's your new husband's problem and HE has to deal with HIS ex wife at some level. I've been in a similar situation and u just need to enjoy ur new life with him. She'll have to move on at some point and u can't control her twisted thinking BUT the new husband can have words with her to play it down.  

Answer 3

Why did things progress so quickly? It seems a bit strange for a man who had only recently left his family. Is he not someone who gets strongly attached or feels losses? How hard were you pushing? And how do you know that their reaction to you is based on her 'brainwashing'? Kids have minds of their own and can form their own conclusions. Four months is not a long time and they will have been holding out hopes of a reconciliation - then suddenly dad has new wife and new baby. They and their mum have been replaced with phenomenal swiftness! How would you like it if half of your own child belonged to a family which was not connected to you in any way and which you could never be a part of? Stop trying to expect everyone, and especially children, to be reasonable in such an emotionally hypercharged situation.

Answer 4

Does he have shared custody? she cant stop him from haveing the kids, unless she can prove your place unfit or unsafe. Try to stay cool, Dont say anything negative about her around her kids, seems like she is filling thier heads with stuff. Kids are smart, they will see thru her lies. Sounds like she needs to go to some counseling.

Answer 5

she still wants him, hubby must be firm with her and make it clear to her that he will never go back to her, and all what she is trying to do is useless.

he also must talk to his kids and explain to them the real situation now.

Answer 6

maybe your thoughts are mute

and his ex-wifes thoughts are right

why do you want his children over there

they are not yours

Answer 7

If I were you I would let him work that out with his ex but I would d**n well make sure those kids would hear this baby is your blood everytime they would come around every single time, I would even take pictures them with the baby brother and send them home with them.. I would do that because your baby counts and she better never forget..Another thing dear your husband can take her to court and she will be obligated to surrender the children for vistitation and then he can take them home with you an anywhere, she sounds like a bitter ***** to me.. Enjoy your marriage and your baby.

Answer 8

find her a boyfriend that will give it to her on a daily basis.  she will forget all about her issues with you and hubby.

i also agree with kitty.

Answer 9

well, this is how i see it from my owwn experience: he has someone, she prolly doesnt, and, even though she's the one who wanted the divorce, it still leaves her bitter and jealous because how can her ex, who was supposedly horrid enough to not be able to live with for the sake of the kids, have a new wife and new family, and she, who is the perfect wife, mother, and woman, does not?

i swear, its like jealousy....

my mans ex would rather fight with him to have some kind of communication than accept that they are divorced and he, the one who was left, is actually happy.... she picks fights over everything he does and doesnt want to give him more custody either.. now, i have heard nothing bad said about me and the kids love me, but, she lives to make his life miserable.. she thinks he has manipulated me to his liking and thats why i "think" i love him.. truth is, i have already been there done that, thats why i am divorced also... but, my man and i have been together over a year.. his ex wanted the divorce, she got it, but had had multiple s*x partners (unbeknownst to the kids) since and actually says she's proud of that.. that she hasnt settled for one guy yet and hasnt brought a man into her kids lives.. that we know of.. but, really, she's jealous that he's happy in love and she hasnt found it...

its going to be a long road, which i am sure you knew when you met him... have your hubby have a talk with his kids, see if he can find out whats up, non chalantly...  maybe he can set things straight... other than that, try to let the ex roll offf your back with the shower water.. cause thats all she's worth... be respectful, as she is the mom of your step kids, but since she's not going to be mature, you have to be... and, with your baby, every time the step kids are around, say to them, "hey, can you watch your brother/sister (u didnt mention the s*x)" or, "hey, can you help me with your sister, please?" or whatever.... know what i mean.. then you and your man will gget the chance to explain a half sibling, and how really, its no different than a full sibling... my sisters have a different father than me, but they are my sisters and nothing less...good luck

Answer 10

It happened too fast. She was not prepared for him to get married and you will pay the price. She is very jealous. I have a man whose ex is a demon. She won't even let my man see his 14 y/o son. She has caused much distress. The less you deal with her, the better. Remember, it is not the kids fault. They are only going on what they are being told. She is a very selfish and self centered woman, who is going to be very lonely one day. It will all come back on her. Just try to be patient. Be strong. Don't let her get to you. She may feel internally, that it is your fault they are not back together.

Answer 11

Pssst...

He was still banging her on the side during the separation.

Women only have claws for men that have led them on, OR men that have cheated.

Answer 12

Let her be that way. so let your husband do the explaining to their kids.  

Answer 13

It never makes sense. I am a second wife too ha! Women are bitter flat out. I was dating my husband while him and his ex were separated too. It can get nasty when that happens but at the same time both people have a right to live their own lives and sometimes the ex spouse male or female has issues.

Her main issue I can bet you is jealousy. She is jealous that you are with her ex and she isn't. She can also be jealous/have fear that her children will form a relationship with you and she is going to make sure that doesn't happen.

When children are involved ALL parties involved have to realize that you can't pit the children against their parents/step parents.

I don't have any answers for you only some advice. Make sure your husband has legalized visitation. Make sure that it is enforced if not she can be held in contempt of court. Make sure that you and your husband aren't doing anything that could be considered harmful parenting if it winds up in court again.

There is no legal reason she can withhold the children from him if you guys are married. Sometimes there is a moral clause but all that entails is no overnight visits with the opposite s*x.

When she tells his children they aren't related, get a book for the children that explains blended familes and read it together so they have the chance to ask questions that both of you can answer.

If you ever need someone to talk to..I'm not sure how to do it on answers but being so involved in a situation like yours I may could offer some better advice.  

Answer 14

One simple solution I dont see how anyone fails to do

FORGET THE EX! She is an ex! FORGET HER She is NOT IN YOUR OR YOUR HUBBYS LIFE ANYMORE!!!! Stop talking and communicating with her! You two LIVE and be happy!!!!!

Answer 15

Your husband's ex-wife does not have any legal right to keep his children away from him because you are around. You and your husband might be able to ask to go through mediation with her, and maybe the mediator will be able to help you get to the bottom of whatever is going on in her mind. If that doesn't work, the two of you may need to consider going for full custody of his children. She is doing emotional damage to them by what she tells them and the way she acts and it hurts them. They are probably confused and don't know how to act. They might be better off living with you and their dad.  

Answer 16

I suggest you ask if you can meet her for lunch..etc. Meet a neutral place. Once she meets you she will see you as a person and a mother. Not the new woman that is keeping her from getting him back.

Take a deep breath and be the better person.

Answer 17

Sadly, it probably seems to her that you were the cause of her marriage failing.  In her eyes, you are the reason that her husband left her.  I really doubt that she can believe that you met him after the separation.  That is probably hard for any women to swallow.  Psychologically it is much easier to blame a third party than to look at ones own mistakes and take partial responsibility for the failed marriage.  Can you see how easy it is for her to hate you rather than herself?

It is unfortunate that she has taken the option of destroying the kids minds with her thoughts about you and your husband, however you must make the choice to take the high road even when it seems impossible.  Never talk negativley about her to the kids and never let them hear you talk negatively about her.  One day the kids will grow to respect you for this.  Just be the best role model that you can be and let dad deal with the wicked witch of the west.  He needs to find a way to make sure that the kids understand that your child is their sibling.  Maybe some family counseling would be good for you all?  Good luck!  I know it sucks dealing with an X.

Answer 18

Women want what they can't have!!