My husband and I have been asked if we would adopt this families baby.?

Question

I have always wanted 5 kids but after my 3rd had to have my tubes tied. B/C did not work for me. THis family has 5 kids already and can barely take care of them or themselves and neither mom or dad wants and would like the child have a chance of a good life. Does it cost to do a doption like this? She wants me in the delivery room and both parents wants NO ties what so ever with this child which is ok with us that makes things easier. What are your thoughts on this?

Answer 1

can you afford it and will you treat it like your own or like a red headed step child(giggle)  and will you love it

Answer 2

You can talk to an adoption attorney. They will tell you everything you need to do.  You will probably still have to have a homestudy and background check etc.  It will cost you a few thousand dollars by the time you are finished.  Its great that she wants you in the delivery room, but you and your husband can not sign the birth certificate.  At the time of delivery only the biological parents can sign it.   In some states, the original birth certificate will eventually be lost.  When I adopted my son, the state replaced the original with one that had me and my husbands name on it and that is the one that is recorded with the county.  I totally disagree with this procedure.  Its almost like the state is trying to hide the fact that he was adopted at all.

Answer 3

>>>>NO ties what so ever with this child which is ok with us that makes things easier.>>>

EASIER???  for whom???  YOU.

typical pap.  "MEMEMEMMEMEEEEEE"

Answer 4

Well, if all of you (meaning you, your husband and the birthfamily)  agree to an adoption, my best advice is to consult a lawyer.

I do think that you should reconsider the "closed" adoption, however.  At the very least, have medical and contact information.  All of the studies indicate that an open  or semi-open adoption has very positive effects on the adoptees.

Answer 5

If you go to a venue like this to ask, are you sure your ready to raise another child?  Also, this adoption will cut ties with a family member who might really need family right now.  

We adopted a baby recently, and would give anything to adopt another.  I stay up nights on the computer sometimes, trying to find a birthmother.  I would give anything to be in your shoes, to have that many children around!  

We adopted a baby through someone we knew, and the home study costs around $350.00-1000.00, and the attorney's fees costs us a little over $500.00.  It was a very simple adoption, but well worth the attorney's fees to not have to give the baby up later if she changed her mind.  Make sure you are ready for another baby, and if not, there are thousands just like me waiting to love another child, with homestudy already done, and attorney's fees already paid!

Answer 6

I was adopted from a totally different race.I am so blessed.They died but the love and guidance they gave me was the best thing in my life. It takes a special type of person to give all that to a child.That is up to you and your husband.I am divorced now.But he gave me away at my wedding.I am proud to have been chosen by them.

Answer 7

Yes, it will cost some money. Generally the adoptive parents pay all the costs for adoptions. You would at very least need a lawyer to draw up the adoption papers and stuff like that, I think the rules vary by state on what else you would need to do.

Generally counseling before and after adoption is recommended for the couple (especially the mother) placing the child. Since these people have 5 children already, some of them are bound to be old enough to be affected by it too but I don't know if they usually go to counseling or not? It is probably a good idea if you can find a counselor in your area for the parents to go to at least a few times to talk everything through.

I think it could work out well- they already have 5 kids they're having trouble caring for but people can always change their mind about adoption, its definitely a risk. I guess just call a lawyer first of all, and see how exactly to go about the legal side of it.

Edit- I saw your update. That actually is usually considered a very bad idea in terms of the mothers psychological health. Also, in a lot of states there is a waiting period before the mother can sign. I am not sure that her signing the papers in front of you in the hospital is legal either. You should make her wait at least 24 hours. Otherwise she could change her mind adn there could be all kinds of legal/emotional trouble for everyone.

Answer 8

Just appalling. It might have been a good idea if SHE had of had HER Tubes tied :(

If you were going to adopt her then you need to go through the correct channels and have a proper adoption agreement drawn up.

But please dont have the records sealed, and please allow the child to search should she/he wish when they are old enough

How would your other children feel about you adopting a baby ?

They need to be consulted (if of the age to)

Answer 9

If you do, be VERY careful.  Take that kid and move away...otherwise they (the birth parents) can come back anytime and claim that child, and the way courts are set up in the US, they can get their child back, because they are the 'birth parents'.  That is one reason people are so gun-shy about adopting kids in the US...you fall in love with a child you think is your own and the birth parent comes back and can legally take them away.

Answer 10

Oh, wow. You're going to get a lot of nasty answers here. This should be between you, your husband & the child's parents. I wouldn't take any opinions here seriously.

Answer 11

That's really sad, I've always wanted to adopt so I'd say yes.  It shouldn't cost anymore than lawyer fees to give to guardianship.  Good luck.

Answer 12

You can't just take a baby from a hospital..that is not a legal adoption.

Answer 13

Talk to your lawyer. There are probably some legal forms that need to be filled out for you to adopt.  I know a couple who adopted a baby through their lawyer and it was fine.  But they did not know the birth mother.  Knowing the parents might make it different and what if they change their minds after you have the baby for a while?

Answer 14

While the first family having no ties with the child might make things easier on you, and perhaps on the first family, it might not make things easier on the child.  

Think very carefully about this before doing it.  Read a lot about adoption and the experiences of adoptees (especially through closed adoption) before you make a decision.

Some suggested reading:

* "Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self" by Brodzinsky, Schecter, and Henig

* "Birthright" by Jean A. S. Strauss

* "Journey of the Adopted Self" by Betty Jean Lifton

* "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier

Also, you might want to read adoptee blogs.

Answer 15

I would seek legal action. If you really do decide to do this then every thing has to be legitimate. This is something that you and your husband really need to talk over. What ever you decide, good luck.

Answer 16

I have a concern. If you have to ask strangers weather  you should adopt this child. I would say NO don't. I would not hesitate if I wanted to or not. We want to adopt and can't find a Birth mom willing to work with a private adoption.

As for no contact well I feel sorry for the child. Children do better if they can have some contact with their birth families. They can ask questions and have some peace of mind. I think it is terrable they want no contact. But Good Luck

only1epy

Answer 17

io think god finds homes for babies ive given up 5 of my children for adoption from birth i feel i was put here to have babies for women who cant mabe im crazy but thats the way i feel

Answer 18

You need a lawyer.

Answer 19

I dont think its a great idea unless you are willing to stay in touch.  That baby will grow up and one day realize that you are not his/her real parents but even worse to find out that his/her real parents have 4 other children and only gave him/her up for adoption!  Also the other children in that house at some point are going to look for there brother/sister.

I think its nice that you want to help this child and are thinking of adopting him/her, but first things first really think of the best way to help this child.  It might just be keeping in touch with this family forever or if you are really willing to help then help the real parents provide for this child...buy the baby clothes, food etc.

Its really your call but understand what comes along with this.

Good luck.

Answer 20

you should definanly do it!if you always wanted five children ..this is your chance to have one more baby.i don't think it should cost anything but if it does, and you can  afford it, you should totally go for it.i mean.who knows what will happen to that child if you don't addopt it..i'm sure it will have a very good and happy life with you and your husband as parents.plus you will get used to taking care of them and you will feel good in the long run.

Answer 21

If you really want another kid, then go for it. Don't do it just to be nice, cause you'll be paying for the kid, especially if you plan on paying for his/her college.

Also ask yourself if you can afford another kid?

If both answers are yes, then maybe your ready for a new family member.

Answer 22

You would still have all the legal fees, no way would you want to go into that without lawyers representing you.

Answer 23

Aw! I would do it.. I love children..

They are so adorable.. I would be honored to adopt a child!

So, I would do it!

Answer 24

sorry, but its much more than just signingthe birth certificate. It won't happen that way. First, inquire what it takes to adopt in your area. sometimes you must be foster care certified. Get started now before the baby is born so you'll be able to take the baby home.

Answer 25

Are you absolutely sure this mom wants to give her baby up? Are you sure she hasn't been pressured by her someone in her family, or that she doesn't feel like she's "obligated" by her financial situation? Are you sure she's not experiencing hormone-induced depression that's affecting her judgment? If there's any doubt in your mind, then maybe it would be kinder to refer her to a local charity that can help her with her expenses, show her how to set up a budget, etc.

If you're convinced that she really wants to give up her baby, then consult a lawyer right now to make sure your paperwork is in order by the time the baby is born.

Answer 26

That is all well and good however:

You will not be able to sign the BC.  She is still mother, she will sign it.

You will have to go thru a homestudy and the legal avenues that one has to go thru in order to adopt.

All I can really say is don't listen to SusieQ as she is clearly biased about a child knowing their first parents and would rather have the child brought up in a lie.

"makes things easier" for who? you maybe but not the child or the first mother.

SusieQ:  get over yourself.  The firstparents RARELY are able to over turn an adoption.

Answer 27

You would need to do a private adoption.  Assuming she has medical care and is not seeking living expenses (some states allow adoptive parents to pay some expenses for a period of time) the fees would be limited predominantly to legal.  You will still need a home-study and to meet all the requirements by law in your state.  For us (in NY) that cost was about $2,000.  Then both you and the bp's need attorneys to handle the paperwork (likely separate attorneys) which you pay for.  In legal fees along for our adoption we paid almost $12,000 and you really need an adoption attorney so everything is done right.  You can't - for example - sign the birth certificate.  You child will be issued and amended certificate once the adoption is finalized.

Good luck.  Check out the link for adoption attorneys in your state.

Answer 28

Tell the Bit*ch to close her legs if she doesn't want to be a mother to the babies she herself brought to this world. Gosh....

Answer 29

Get a attoney and make it legal. I have heard some horror stories!!

Answer 30

I think if you have a closed adoption, it won't cost so much.