My husband and I have lost that spark. He doesn't think so but i look at him differently. ?

Question

Ever since i had 2 miscarriages things haven't been the same. He was never there for me nor went to any appt's or surgery's. I have a lot of anger towards him still that i can't let go of. There's no sexual chemistry anymore. He's bipolar and always thinks i'm gonna cheat on him cuz his parents are divorced. We've become more like room mates. He's ready for another shot at a family and i'm not. I can't bring a child into this world if i wonder if he's gonna be there this time. Plus i don't know why i can't let it go. Someone please give me some advice. I'm ready to just run away.

Answer 1

You are mad at him and are blaming the miscarriage on him since he did not go to the appointments or surgeries.  The fact is those things had nothing to do with why you lost the baby and you are mad at yourself since there was nothing you could have done.  Being angry is much more powerful for you than being sad about the loss.

Husbands handle the grief of a miscarriage differently than women, and as you know not all husbands are the least bit comfortable going to doctor appointments.  You need to sit down and discuss your pain and if what you want is for him to go to appointments, ask him if he will attend them.

Holding on to the anger, not letting him close or even trying again is one thing you are doing to protect yourself from going thru the disappointment again.  There's no chemistry anymore since your not putting any effort into the marriage and are holding a grudge.

You say he is worried about you cheating, well since the last miscarriage you have been angry towards your husband and live as room mates.  Those are usually signs that something is going on, and since you won't tell him your true feelings, what is he to think??

Since you are ready to run away keeping up this angry exterior must be pretty exhausting.  Take some time to work on your marriage and put it on track.  Consult with your doctor and ask what you need to do in order to get yourself in the best possible health to conceive, if you choose to, and include your husband in the process.

Most women who suffer repeated miscarriages have extreme feelings or anger or sadness that they feel nobody understand.  It is baggage that you will take with you if you run away, so work thru it.  Good Luck.  

Answer 2

Plan a vacation together, soon. Somewhere that will totally relax the two of you...no work, no other person to answer to, just you two. You seem to want to stay together, so don't do anything drastic. Try to bring the spark back by running away together! Good luck.

Answer 3

then you both havent lost it ,just you have .so its up to you to find it again.

Answer 4

Get a divorce attorney and file for DIVORCE !

Answer 5

Talk to him about it. Seek counseling together. Get help and improve the situation. All marriages lose that spark after awhile.

Answer 6

spend the money that the pregnancy and delivery would cost ...on paying for marriage counseling.

Answer 7

Then go. If you're not sure you want to be with him anymore don't have a baby, it won't fix anything.

His mental issues will get in the way every step you take and then you'll forever be bound to him with this child

Answer 8

You lost respect for him. He wasnt there when you needed him the most.  Respect, attraction, lust....all goes down w/ the ship together.

With this kind of thing, if you really want to try, youll have to seek help.