My husband and i are adopting his 29 years younger brother, Can we just be Mom and Dad not brother?

Question

We have a 13 year old brother who wants to call him as his little brother, but we are raising him as our child therefore he would be uncle is this fair?

Answer 1

So your hubby is the child's brother, you are his sister-in-law, your hubby's other brother wants to call his brother his brother.  

You guys want to pretend your hubby's brother is your son.  What a mindf****

I think the 13 year old is the most realistic of all of you, to be honest

Answer 2

If you are adopting him, he is going to be legally your child, which would make you "mother" and "father" but if he is not comfortable calling you parental names, then let him just call you by the names he is used too.  When someone asks he can just explain that's my brother who adopted me, it's not that hard and it should be just fine for all parties.

Answer 3

Why are you insisting on this--do you need CREDIT or something?

One of the worst things about being adopted is the 'pretending'.  Don't make him pretend that you are his mommy.

Answer 4

That's f*cked up.

Seriously.

Let his BROTHER be his BROTHER, Ms. Klampett.

Answer 5

If its your guys' little brother why cant you just keep it as that? its to confusing to change it. Do what the kid it comfterable with.

Answer 6

Why would you adopt his brother?  Just take custody.  

Whatever you do DO NOT expect him to call his brother "father".

He is 13 years old he KNOWS his brother.

You're not raising him as parents, you're raising him as a brother and sister in law with guardianship.

Answer 7

no u should not adopt

Answer 8

I understand your question.  Apparently, the other answerers do not.

This would be a difficult situation.  You do need to be Mom & Dad since you are adopting him and raising him as your child.  Your husband's teenage brother needs to be Uncle.  It will be too confusing for the child if he has Mom and Dad, and Dad's brother is his brother.  

You should also have a discussion with the teenager and explain to him that while he is the biological sibling of this child, that the child will be raised as his nephew and what you expect from him as far as handling the adoption the way you see fit.

I wish you the best!

Answer 9

treat him like a son. know he's a nephew. let him know you aren't his parents. everything works out fine. You can also be registered as guardians instead of parents.

Answer 10

So....if your 30 year old sister adopted you when you were 13, would you want to start calling her MOM?

THINK ABOUT IT.

Answer 11

if the boy was a lot younger he may find it easier you call you mom and dad,but at age 13,life is confusing enough,with body/hormone changes ,and for him the traumatic upheaval of being adopted.i would imagine it would be very scary for him.in adoption,the focus is on the childs needsd,not the adopters.you need to ask him what HE wants to call you,and leave it at that. he really does not need anymore stress than is needed,so changing the family dynamics may make life really hard for him.you also don't mention where his bio parents fit into this either?

Answer 12

at that age, it's best to let him call you what he will and what makes him comfortable.  It may be rough for you to adjust to it, but as his acting parents, sometimes you just have to roll with it.  It's what a parent has to do.  There is a great book that I would recommend anyone raising a teen to check out:  

"Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager"  by Anthony E. Wolf

Answer 13

If he doesn't feel comfortable calling you mom and dad he isn't going to.

Don't make him uncomfortable.

Answer 14

What did the poor kid go through, to have to be adopted by you and your husband? Whatever it was, it's enough. Don't add more to his plate. That's really weird and wrong of you, to ask this of him.

Answer 15

Well, if he's the brother that doesn't change.  Just because you are raising him doesn't suddenly mean he's something else now.  He's 13 and has always known his brother as his brother.  Why would you want to make him do otherwise now?  I am curious, however, as to why this needs to be an actual adoption.  Would it not be less confusing to everyone if you had a legal guardianship?  It would still give you all the necessary rights you would need as far as decision-making in his daily life.  But, it would keep the relationships intact legally.