My husband asked me if I would adopt his sisters kids if anything were to happen to her.?

Question

We sat down and talked about it and if the time came he would but I'm not so sure I would want to. We are not financially equipped to handle our son,child on the way and her 5 kids. I also know that they would receive social security as one of her kids does already due to her father's death but its a difficult subject. We would not be the only ones she could turn to but the most likely. I would not ask anyone from his family if this were our case, I have a friend already willing and able to step in. I am not a bad or selfish person by any means but I can't help the way I feel about this. Any advice? Her kids range in age of 2-13 years.

Answer 1

First of all, you would get guardianship rather than adopting. I know of only one family that was able to take on 5 kids all at the same time.  It was hard on all of the kids (too many people in a very small house), but they did a phenomenal job, considering.  In other families, the kids were split between a couple of relatives. They always saw each other at family gatherings and such (close family and all).  

However, be honest with your husband.  If you think 5 would be h**l on earth, tell him so.  The finances are secondary to your ability to raise them, but it isn't something you can ignore. Does SIL have life insurance that is going to the caregivers or does it go to the kids? If it goes to the kids, it will be locked up until they are 18, leaving you no money to raise them.

Answer 2

This is a really difficult situation. If you say yes, you're committing to something you don't really want and if you say no, you're endangering your relationship with your husband AND his family. I don't envy you at all, poor thing. Is it just the finances that worry you or do you not like the children? If it's just finances, maybe you could ask that your sister-in-law purchase a life insurance policy in a significant amount so that the children can be properly cared for if something does happen to her.

I asked my sister to do this if something happens to me and my (now ex-) husband. We had to have someone say that they would take our child when we adopted him; it was part of the process. I am lucky that she said yes, but I only have one child.

Answer 3

Family must stick together. If anything did happen to her by that time your financial situation might be better or maybe she will have found someone else she preferred took the children. I get the impression she isn’t married so maybe she would be married by then. Would you feel different if the gal was your sister and not sister in law?

Answer 4

It would be ideal that the kids stay together and not be seperated, so if you do not think you could handle them all, I would see if you can find someone else who would. The likelihood of anything happening is probably not that high unless there is information that you did not share, and even if it did, one or more of the children might be grown by then and able to care for themselves and/or their siblings. I would not agree to anything you are not willing to do though.

Answer 5

well if you did there would be alot of finachlly goverment help but stilll thats alot of kids.... I understand not wanting to take them it is not selfish and seeing if someone else could is fine and if you feel you would nto do a  good job you shouldnt but keep in mind that if no one can they will be seperated in foster care.

Answer 6

If something bad actually did happen to your sister-in-law, which would be harder for you -- to make big sacrifices to care for these nieces and nephews with your husband, or to go on with your life knowing that your nieces and nephews needed care that you refused them?  It is NOT a simple question, but if you can answer it, then you know what your decision should be.

Answer 7

that is an incredibly loaded question and a very dificult topic. I think the majority of people (including myself) just think about it briefly and often say yes without considering the reality of the possible situation. My husband and I are on record as being willing to take on 7 children -- three couples we know each asked us if we would take their children if anything happened to them. The actual number is now down to 4 because 3 of the "children" have now reached adulthood. In fact at this point, the youngest of even the four left is 13. But that's not really the point. To be fair, I did tell the three couples that if the situation ever came up where we had to live up to this commitment for any of the three couple that we would automatically withdraw our commitment to the other two families. Anyway, as it happens, we are now in the process of adopting a child that is not from any of these families but, is the daughter of a cousin and the cousin (single mother) became ill and gave us custody of her daughter two years ago. We have two other children. My husband came home one night nearly 3 years ago and explained the situation briefly and we agreed within a few seconds to accept this child into our family. The financial side of it has never been an issue as we are very lucky that the child has been well provided for monetarily. Our lives have changed and we are both always conscious of the fact that we made this choice and committment to treat this child as our own. It is a struggle in many ways sometimes. But, we both also know that we did have a choice and did not want it any other way.

Answer 8

If she has 5 kids she cant expect one family member to take them all....... thats a load in itsself. Odds are nothing will happen just dont promise something your not ready to deal with.

Answer 9

I can't understand why you would have to think about adopting his sister's kids.  I would be fighting for my nieces/nephews if anything happened to my sister.