My husband can't understand why this upset me?

Question

My husband and I were talking about what kind of birth I wanted to have because he was curious. i told him i would love to have a natural birth my first time but that since I probably couldn't handle it I would take drugs but refuse an epidural. I can give shots and take blood but I hate to be anywhere near a needle that is going into me. And I have read that epidurals can slow down labor. I am not looking forward to the pain of child birth but I think that I would rather be in pain that just not feel anything. When i told my husband he said if I didn't have an epidural that he wouldn't be in the room with me. Later he said he was joking but I am really upset about it and he says I'm being silly. But I think he should be by my side even if I decide to have no medication at all. After all, I'm giving birth, not him, and I think whatever I decide he should support me. Am I crazy for feeling this way?

Answer 1

No your not crazy, i think good on you for considering trying to go as medication free as possible. I ended up going with the gas at the end and im glad i did nothing more. Your husband should support you, Im guessing he was truely joking though because if he loves you I doubt he could leave the room with you in pain.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I think your being a little silly but its normal.  It's the hormones I remember when I was pregnant I became overly sensitive about things that I wouldn't normally be sentive about.  

Answer 3

I think he was truly just joking, but maybe his timing was bad, and you're in a vulnerable emotional state. Take a breather, and realize that you might be more sensitive over this silly comment than you need to be. I'm sure he'll be there for you when the big moment comes. Save the stress for more important concerns.

Answer 4

You should get yourself and your husband in a childbirth class (if you aren't already).  It will go over various forms of pain control and what are really involved.  Now to dispel a few rumors.  Epidurals only really slow down labor if people request them too early - say when they're only 3-5cm dilated.  Then it really slows it down. After 5, it *can* slow things down, but not by like 10-12 hours, we're talking an hour-ish and after you've spent 10-20+ hours in labor, an hour doesn't make much of a difference.  It's not that you don't feel anything at all - it's not a spinal block.  Many women still have function of their legs and will feel pressure when it comes time to deliver, but they don't feel the pain of the contractions which makes delivery much more smoother.  The epidual medication is on a pump and if there is issues with pushing or too much medication, they can slow it down and lessen the dose and the effect is almost immediate.  I don't know any hospital that gives Demmerol as a pain medication in labor.  Generally the mix is Nubain and Phenergan.  I had this with my daughter and while I still had the pain, I just didn't care about it.  It can cross the placenta barrier and it can make the baby lethargic - especially if you get it within 2 hours of delivery.  I had a horrific delivery.  They refused me the epidural when I wanted it when I was in a lot of pain.  By the time they would give it to me, it took the anesthesiologist over an hour to get there, a half hour to set up, a half hour to 40 minutes to get the epidural in and set and then it takes up to 30 minutes to feel the effect - over 2 hours from when I first asked for it.  10 minutes from when I laid down from the epidural I felt the need to push.  They said that in 2 hours there's no way I could have went from 6-10cm with my first baby.  They checked me and sure enough my daughter was crowning. They barely got the room ready, the bed broken down and got the doctor there before she was coming out.  They actually told me to put my legs together to hold her in.  

2 pushes and she was out and I basically did natural the whole time.  The epidural didn't take effect until AFTER I delivered and it was the WORST pain I'd ever had in my life.  I am a proponent of not suffering and this time around I'm totally going to do it differently.

Answer 5

I think you probably took it the wrong way.  He probably really was joking.  He was just saying that he doesn't want you to break his fingers because you are squeezing his hands through the pain of contractions rather than simply having the epidural.  He didn't actually mean it though.  My husband joked that if I wasn't gonna have the epidural, then he was.  He couldn't stand the thought of seeing me in so much pain.  I'm sure that's all that your husband meant too.

Answer 6

He was probably really joking...by the way I didn't think I was going to have an epidural...boy was I wrong!

Answer 7

I think you're overreacting a bit since he said he was joking. He  probably meant it as you would be screaming and going crazy without an edpidural - as a joke.

Are you pregnant right now? If yes then it's probably your hormones causing you to get so mad and that's not silly, it's just being pregnant. ;]

Ask him if he will be there on your side, no matter what. If he says yes, then you should just drop it. If not, then yeah I think you have a reason to be mad.

Answer 8

No you are not crazy..He should be the one supporting you.

With my first son, I refused the epi but had demerol...I regret it..So many of those drugs affect your baby. With my second son, I had a completely natural birth (minus the fact that I was induced)..It was hard, but well worth it. You have to go in with the mindset that you CAN have a natural birth. Your body was made to birth babies and the drugs are not natural and do get to your baby..I'm due in March and will be going natural again.

When you are in labor, try to be in the shower for as long as possible, it is really relaxing.

Answer 9

No, I don't believe you're crazy for feeling this way. You're giving birth to your child...a sign of your love and commitment to each other. Of course you'd want him there to share the birth with you!

The only reason I could think for him to say that might be...maybe he doesn't want to see you in any type of pain?

That last is just a guess, I hope it helps a little.  

Answer 10

Honey, you sound like me. I am super sensitive right now.

Of course it is important for him to support your decisions and to be with you no matter what--- and he will be!

Sometimes men make silly, thoughtless jokes.

This was one of them.

Try to let it go, though, as you are likely over-reacting. Just do some extra cuddling and tell him how much you need him right now. I am sure he will apologize and tell you that he didn't mean it.

Answer 11

"This just in! Pregnant woman emotionally over reacts to a situation, rampant hormones suspected. More news at 11."

Yeah I dunno, doesn't seem like its gonna appear in the news any time soon.

Answer 12

I don't know your husband, but if he was just joking I wouldn't be to upset. He may of just implied that with all that pain, you're going to be screaming at him or what not. If he was serious then I would tell him to shove it. I think he should be on your side either way and I'm sure he will be. Let me tell you something though, I had natural with my first because they wouldn't give anything to me because I was going to fast once I got to the hospital. With my second, I tried not to get anything either because I figured if I handled the pain the first time I could the second time. Twenty minutes after my water was broken I was practically begging the nurse to drag the anesthesiologist up to the room. However, he never made it because I gave birth too fast, but I think your fear of needles may magically disappear when it's time. But you do what you feel is best for you. There are other downs to epidurals, sometimes they didnt work, sometimes they only work on half your body, you can also get spinal headaches after wards and have problems with your back afterwords. Talk to your doctor next time about all options you have

Answer 13

Not to be rude but you are being a little silly....I am sure no matter what you do he will be by your side he wouldn't miss it for the world..I wouldn't stress about it guys will be guys and Honestly thats how my husband is they don't no what to say or when to say it they think its funny and we don't b/c we have major hormonal changes but anyways hes a guy hes always going to say something wrong thats what they do :) haha I think you should get over it not trying to be rude that just my opinion...I hope your birth goes well! and congrats on the baby!

Good luck!

Answer 14

maybe he doesn't want to see you in so much pain...i don't think he was being insensitive.  he was joking, that's all.  besides, it sounds like your mind is made up and that he'll be there for you.    

Answer 15

If he was just kidding, don't worry about it, joke a little, life is too short! If he was serious, then I would be mad like you for him to say that, and be unsupportive!

Answer 16

No, he shouldn't have said something like that joking or not. It is your choice to do what you feel that you need to because you are the one going through the labour. Just tell him that it upset you even if he was joking and that you need him to support you in whatever form of labour you decide to have.