My husband commited suicide when I told him I was leaving after 24 years. I started dating soon after?

Question

His actions were devastating to my children 13, 19 and 20. I started dating soon after and my older children are rude and unreasonable towards my feelings. They said they understood why I was leaving him but now the thought of me with another man is makings them act horribly towards me and him. I have not brought him into our world physically but on the occasion they have run into him they have been so rude and mouthy I don't know what to do. I love my children dearly and live with the fear that they may threaten me like their father did and what that would do to us. This has been a really hard year and I feel I have done all that I can to help them through this but they will not allow me to be happy. They think I am choosing him over them and that's just not true. I am always availble to them and am their financial support. Should I cut them off financially until they can be respectful of me and whoever I choose to date? My son, 14, seems to be the only one who understands.

Answer 1

Keep the distance between them and the new man in your life for now.  Let them know that you understand how they feel.  But also ask them to be a little more liberal in their thinking when it comes to you dating this person and that you are doing the best you can to make it easy on everyone involved.  Their hurting just like you but for different reasons.  You deserve to have happiness and if they don't understand it now they will in time.  Don't talk about this person with any of them because its plain to see that they are not ready.  They lost one parent and are probably afraid of losing you.  Time will help but it will take alot of time.  Good Luck

Answer 2

The worst thing to do would be to cut them off financially...you cant force them to respect you but punishing them. what you should do is try to go to family counseling or if they (your kids) wont go, get the counselor to come to your house to sit down with everyone. it may take some time, but be patient and strong.

Answer 3

I won't encourage you to divorce,but sometimes divorce can only solve problems

Answer 4

Your kids have had an extremely difficult year themselves.  They are just getting over the death of their father and suicide is much more difficult to deal with than a death by natural causes. They are also dealing with the fact that you were leaving him after 24 years.  It's a lot to ask to have them be loving to a new man in your life that soon.  They may think you were actually seeing him before their father killed himself or may be worried that you are jumping too quickly into another relationship.  They may also just be completely devastated and not ready to meet the new man in you life.  It's your money,  but if your using it to get respect it won't work.   Give them some time and if possible do some family counseling.

Answer 5

this is all too much for them all way too soon..... it's hard enough going through a divorce, then add a suicide on that PLUS add mom's new boyfriend

that's like 3 devastaiting life changes events all together... wow your poor kids ( and you) but I don't feel theyr'e being disrespectful about you dating, they're crying out for help!!! they aren't done grieving, and done sorting out their feelings and might not be for awhile you need to put your attention to your kids, and help them get through this ordeal before their trauamtized for life!!!

who cares about a bf right now, is it really that important, compared to your children's mental health?

Answer 6

I think you need to work on your relationship with your children who need counselling and possibly psychological help instead of "cutting them off".

Can't you find a way to be happy without bringing a man into it?

Answer 7

You children have NO rite in trying to control you, what you do, where you go, & w/whom YOU choose to di it with.  They have their own lives to live, & should start to focus on themselves & their lives instead of yours.  Do NOT allow them to control you or put you down for the choices you alone make for your life.  They are being unfair & selfish.  They are acting like spoiled brats.  You have the rite to your life & how you choose to live it.  Just tell them they have lots of work to fo on themselves, & they'f better start working on it.  Children do NOT tell their parents what to do & what not to do.  This is one lesson they are going tohave to learn, & nows the time to do it.  Bestt to you,  & just be happy w/your life.  We omly have ourselves to please.  All the best to you...:)