My husband did something that really hurt me and I don't know what to do..?

Question

This is a little bit of a story that started several months ago with some abnormal bleeding I was having.

The doctor did a inner uterine biopsy and found some abnormal cells that could but have not lead to cancer. He treated me with meddicine and the bleeding stopped. However 2 months later it came back.

First don't get me wrong he is a wonderful wonderful man 99% of the time... First you must understand my husband made the decision for me that I would have a total adominal hysterectomy.... He said he was affraid if I did not do it I would die of cancer and he did not want this to come back on me... For 5 weeks I sat in waiting with the stress of this surgery coming up. I said to my husband MY BIGGEST FEAR was that I would have to go through this alone.

You also have to understand that he has a very very sivere case of epolepsy in which he has 1 to 4 siezures everyday. I spend everyday of my life watching over him and beating the seizures to the punch. when I see a seizure I have to make sure he is safe has his mouth piece in to protect his teeth because he grinds so bad in a siezure it causes damage. I take him from one doctor to another over and over again for the next experimental drug that might help him... When he had his brain surgery I was there the last moment I could be there and I was there as soon as he come out of surgery. Then I spent the entire time with him at the hospital I never left I even slept there.

Ok the day of and the day before the surgery this is what happen... First off he told me I could never compare my surgery to his that I would never go through what he went through with that. Then the day of the surgery we all got up went to the hospital and my surgery was pushed up it was suppose to be done at 10am but a little girl had to come in for a emergency surgery which was ok with me. However 11:30 roled around and my husband said he was hungry and wanted something to eat, but he was affraid if he left I would go in. I said go ahead have a sandwich and a cigarette. I had packed lunch it was in the car. At 2pm my son and my husband had not returned from the cigarette and the sandwich. So I asked to go home I had been 24 hours without anything to eat and my bowels were cleansed so I was completely empty. The truth was that this is why I left but I did not want the doctor to think my family was jerks or anything like that... Like I said most of the time he is a wonderful guy but I don't think he wants me to forget he has problems. I need to have everything stop for me once in a while too...

I did talk to him and tell him how I feel but I am still very angery...

Answer 1

I had the exact same diagnosis and some years later, I started having horrendous hemorrhages and when I finally went in to get checked, I had Stage III uterine cancer and had to have a complete hysterectomy. I was nervous too but they gave me liquid valium and then when I got into the OR they put a mask over my face and I went to lala land. Get someone to stay with your husband and get that surgery.

Answer 2

So, You did not have your surgery? I am a little confused; sorry. How did you get home? They never came back? And one thing your husband should not be smoking with his condition.

Yes he should have been there for you.  

Answer 3

You aren't a wife you are a nursemaid.  Your health is very important and he should quit being so selfish and weak.  I also care for my husband who has had 2 brain surgeries in the past 3 years and suffers very serious side effects and is ill 75% of the time.  I take care of him continuously during this time, however the other 25% when he is feeling well he spoils me immensely!!!  He does this because he loves me and appreciates what I do for him.  Good luck.

Answer 4

You need to talk this out with him and explain your feelings like you did for all of us.  Just try to keep calm while you talk even though you a hurt (and rightly so might I add).  I am really sorry he made you feel this way.  He may feel helpless too.  I hope everything works out well.