My husband doesn't want me.?

Question

My husband and I have been married just under a year and we have a beautiful 6 month old son (yes, I was pregnant when we got married and no, that isn't why we got married).

MY HUSBAND NEVER WANTS TO HAVE s*x WITH ME.

For a long time he made various excuses, during the pregnancy he sometimes said it scared him that he could hurt the baby (I assured him that wasn't possible), sometimes he's claimed to be sick or tired or something similar. Recently I found an old order form for Viagra and he admitted to having ED as a side effect of a medication he's on (paxil) and says that this is why he avoids having s*x with me.

But I don't understand. Every 2 or 3 weeks or so when he can tell I'm getting REALLY upset about it, he'll have s*x with me. Yes, it seems to take a bit to get him "ready," but he does, so is it really ED? He says he doesn't want to buy the Viagra because it's too expensive, but we waste PLENTY of money on other things, and I've bought him OTC herbal supplements he never ever even attempts to take.

I'm beginning to be more and more convinced that he just doesn't want me and it's killing my self-esteem and our relationship. I often end up sleeping on the couch because the rejection of lying next to a man who can't bear to make love to me is too painful.

During the day he'll often tell me that I'm s**y and grab my butt or cop a feel, or even say he wants me, but only when the timing is such that there is no way he could be expected to follow through. Our son sleeps through the night (7:30pm-6:am) so we have ample alone time, and not to sound conceited, but I am 24 and pretty attractive, and my body is pretty much back to normal after giving birth.

Hubby is 32 and somewhat overweight, which I know may affect his libido, but I have a hard time comprehending why he wouldn't at least be willing to take something. It seems he doesn't even want to want me.

We see our pastor for marriage counseling every few weeks, just for the basic stress and advice of being a newly-wed couple with a new baby, but I know he's far too uncomfortable to ever discuss this issue.

I don't know how much more I can take. I literally lose so much sleep over this. I feel like I'm slowly dying inside. This is making me hate myself and him. It may sound silly that something like this would matter so much, but truly it is eating away at me.

At this point even on the rare occasion that we are intimate it just makes me miserable and I want to cry at seeing how much effort it takes him to force himself to "get it done" like some distasteful chore he's been putting off for as long as possible.

I can't take this much longer. I need help.

Answer 1

He really needs to speak with his doctor, you both need to talk about this together and come up with a solution, maybe counseling would help as well

Answer 2

Don't hate yourself your husband is selfish and even if he has problems with erection he prefers to hide from solutions and make you unhappy instead of working on it. Tell him how unhappy he makes you and you can't live with a person who disrespects you and your desires.

Answer 3

tell him to stop taking drugs the goverment says is "ok" cuz no offence your dumb if you do. research it! cuz all it does it **** you up worse long term.or he just feels grossed out sence you had a baby... some guys cant do you anymore after that// are you fat? ugly? c'section?  // need more info

Answer 4

get a new man

Answer 5

i knw wht u feelin like....wht i can advice you is..

first of all dont feel rejected or anything ...if you knw u r attractive then u shdlnt be at all.

second think talk to ur husband about the way you feel these days...

go to a doctor to get some tests done on ur husband to make sure tht what he says is the truth or there is something else he is hidding from you...and also it will help him to get the right prescription and  you will know how much time it will take to recover and then you can wait for that night,...

if the above mentioned is not the problem but still meanwhile...u can try to seduce him sometimes...try something ero*t*c...like wearing a lingerine..rubbing his body and then his c**k...and u can use loads of other ideas...

and give time to urself....get ur nails done...change ur hairstyle and colour too.. try to look a bit changed and glamourous as well as s**y...

cld be the reason he is loosing a bit interest in you...it happens often..nt too worry dear...make him jealous....i mean a lot...

Get his medication sorted in front of u...so u knw whts the truth...

and everything will be okay.....:-)

hope this helps..

Answer 6

Please tell me he did not witness the birth, I do not know why women would let that happen.

Two things pop into mind:

-the baby, do you allow him to help the baby or do you act as if you are the only one who can properly take care of the baby. Because this mommy/baby-front tends to push many fathers away.

-your hubby's body, could be that he suddenly feels very self counscious about himself or he's just gotten lazy (I had that too). Try to get him into running. Get his condition up and his weight down.

And try some lovely lingerie an perfume. Maybe he sees you too much as a mommy than as his s**y wife. The baby also sleeps during daytime, right? Get organised about your grooming: hair, nails, clothes, you can always add a bit of glamour to your looks. Make the time for it. Do not spend all your time slaving away after the baby. Take one hour for yourself.

Answer 7

I think it's definitely anxiety related, due to the Paxil. Have him talk to his psychiatrist or go along with him when he goes and discuss this.

Answer 8

Talk to hime en tell him its ok u understand him as he has a problem en should be solved ,try en make him see a doctor soon

Answer 9

wow.

This is too early.

I know how frustrating this can be too you but have you ever thought how much more it is stressful on your husband knowing that you are getting lonely in bed because he cannot perform. And that probably, he is more unable to now because he is so pressured with you leaving him in bed and sleeping on the couch.

In marriage, to be reciprocated, you have to be more receptive of your partner also. Your needs may not always be met in the most possible way that you want it.

If he can't perform. try to initiate. Provoke him in bed. Explore other means you have never done to tease. And please, don't deal too much on his medication. You are putting more pressure on him when you give him all these kind of supplements.

You said you have a very nice body and he is a little overweight. This too may add on his insecurity.

People here will tell you that your husband is selfish for not giving in to your needs but then, your marriage will not last long if all you can measure him up to is his ability to s*x you up.

Answer 10

Ok sorry I hear that but sometimes we think that maybe a little problem I am just 25 years old and I had almost this problem I felt that I want to have s*x with my wife but at the same time my p***s dont get hard i had this problem fot few month until my wife was getting desespe and i decide to visit doctor and explain to him what happen I had this problem call  "LOW TESTERONE" That are some hormones that make ur body feel better.

But the funny thing is this now my wife run to sleep to the couch cuz every time I have my c**k hard I tell her before u were crying cuz my thing did get hard and now U cry cuz is always hard, but my s*x life is better now great I am using this gel call Androgel  

If you husband feel this syntoms

1-Feel sleepy after dinner

2-Always boring Dont want to go out

3-He's always tire

4-p***s dont get really hard like before

He needs see the phisi and dont think he is cheating on you because that was my wife thinking and to be honest i never did but never know keep eye too Ok

But if You need help I can take care of that If your husband cant do It

now I feel more strong LOL just joking

ps Also I am lil Overweight and thats problem too he really need to loose that and this gel help burn fat but really tell him too see the doctor ok hope your s*x life get better ok or call me I will make you feel what u dont feel for while lol here is website if u want to check that

Answer 11

First off ask yourself, are you being selfish here, because libido might come down after marriage sometimes and it must be dealt between you both. And stress could be a reason too - quite probably - so figure this out. Anyway if you know you are attractive then why do you worry, this must be a temporary phase, even if you think your husband is not that much into you and doesn't want you, it is only your assumption until it is proven otherwise. You need to be worried only when you know it with some evidence that your husband does not want you until then just find some other reason to be happy.

Answer 12

I think that you are internalizing this way too much. Its not your fault. Do not take the blame for these problems or stay up late and wallow in them. You need to seek the Lord and work past your insecurities ... find an intrinsic  source for your self-esteem, not your perception of your husband's approval.

Do things together as much as possible. Take your family for walks. Stop hyper-focusing on his inadequacies and "helping" him with them. Focus instead on living life and fulfilling mutual goals ... companionship. The other stuff will fall into place. You'll both experience improved health and sleep better at night, if you're more physically active during the day. Find some common interests outside the house.

As his health improves and you keep the relationship on a positive track, he'll likely be more responsive.

Answer 13

SSRI antidepressants such as Paxil are murder on the s*x drive. And Paxil is one of the worst. You lose interest in s*x, have trouble getting aroused and then can have problems like ED or trouble having an o****m/ejaculating.

You are reacting to this all wrong. This has nothing to do with you in that he would be having this problem (under the same circumstances) with any woman he had married. I'd give him a big pat on the back for at least making an effort for you. Many if not most men would simply give up because s*x is stressful and unpleasant.

I think what he needs to do is get off the Paxil and on to some other kind of antidepressant.

Wellbutrin works very well on depression and has no sexual side effects. Actually it can act as a mild sexual stimulant AND many of those taking it lose weight in the first few months, sometimes up to 15 lbs.

It doesn't work for everyone and he shouldn't just stop his Paxil just slowly drop the dose while adding Wellbutrin. If, when his system has been rebalnaced with Wellbutrin as the primary medication, he finds that the Wellbutrin alone is not totally effective in dealing with the depression, he could add a little Paxil starting at the lowest dose while at the same time continuing on the Wellbutrin. This is called "combination therapy" and if often used when the patient does not do well on Wellbutrin alone. But it will make the sexual side effects of the Paxil better.

But he should, if possible try to get off the Paxil completely.

Answer 14

No actually recriminations and the blame game wont fix this, neither will over-assertive feminist rhetoric. If you wont to fix this you need to be mature about it. s*x is of course an important part of marriage but its not everything, I have been married 20 years. People don’t always realise what is happening in there own heads, sometimes it takes place at an unconscious level. I think some kind of stress might be to blame? Its possible, also its possible he is suffering from depression, either of these doesn’t make him selfish, and even if he was, confronting some one head on as is suggested below could have a worsening effect, as your challenging someone’s ego. I think maturity understanding and the softly softly approach are the first place one should go, before we get to the stage where we start calling people selfish, and subscribing medication.I think a good Counselling or relationship psychologist could help, if he wont go you go alone they will support you through it.

Answer 15

You must BOTH get to a real doctor to see why your husband is having so many sexual problems so early in your marriage.  It does sound like he needs a physician to tell him what is wrong, and I do not think your pastor is the one to talk to about this problem.  Do yourself and your husband a favor and get medical help.  

Answer 16

Encouragement and understanding works well. Give him time and always speak your mind to him but avoid being tactless.

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