My husband feels we should divorce next year when our teen leaves home...?

Question

We have been married 13 years and our 16 year old will go to college internationally next year. We never really fight, just sort of fell "out of love" somewhere along the way. I know that it has been an issue, but we keep it together and and put on a great face for our daughter.

I guess I just never thought it would end in divorce, but he sees no other way he can be happy. Marriage counseling would be a waste at this point as it is clear he is finished.

Has anyone been in this situation? What did you do to prepare yourself for such a thing and minimize the impact on your child?

For me personally, I've not really worked outside the home, so an education would be my first priority, along with being supportive and keeping my daughter focused on her studies.

Any advice or experience is greatly appreciated, thank you.

Answer 1

Your story causes me to have a heavy heart. I feel sad for you and for your daughter.

I will never understand men who are so focused on their own happiness, that they'll throw away their wives and their family  in pursuit of it. They are selfish, weak, and pathetic in my book, and I'd love to be able to smack them in the head and say, "What the h**l is wrong with you?"

Don't wait for your daughter to leave before you begin pursuing an education ~ do it now. In fact you should start being independent now. Go to school, Make new friends, go places and do things. My guess is that your husband will sit up and take notice. I bet that his "happiness" will take a back seat to the reality of life without you ~ he's not going to like how that feels.

If I'm wrong, then at least you'll be mentally prepared for a new life. By taking some of these steps now, it will give you the feeling of being in control of something ~ which is much better than sitting around and waiting for the end to come.

Answer 2

I would at least try the counseling.  Maybe it will make him think about what he is trying to do.

It is worth a chance.

Maybe you guys could try dating again once your child is out of the house.  Woo each other all over again.

Answer 3

I think the problem is, you guys focused so much in your child and forgot about each other.  

Answer 4

don't give up yet, even if you think that counseling will not help, try it anyways.  Maybe your counselor can help you find the love you once had.  Have him write down what he likes about you and you do the same.  Watch "the secret"  you both need to be positive to each other and always focus on the positive things about each other, when you think negatively that's when the negative takes charge.

Answer 5

Allot of people fall out of love and lose it in marriage.

I think it's because people stop living after they get married and that creates a gloomy darkness that haunts your marriage and makes you so miserable at times that having an affair seems to be the answer when it's not.

Don't stop living because your married. Keep doing what you did when you dated and going to party's and drinking cold Beer and shooting the thrill.

People stop most of that when they get married and all h**l breaks loose.

Keep living that is what I say will stop affairs and keep married people together and prevent them too.

Answer 6

I wouldn't allow him to call the shots.  

Answer 7

I totally do not get your husband.  He is making a unilateral and senseless decision.  If he is unhappy, the solution is to get happy, not to get a divorce.  Happiness comes from within, not from outside, so all he will be doing is spreading his unhappiness to you and to his daughter, and taking his unhappiness with him.  You have my sympathy.

Answer 8

marriage is a relationship for life till death does part a husband and wife.why do,nt u talk to him? it will be really difficult for him and for u and your daughter too.a devastating one for your daughter.please do talk it out,try to start anew.i know its difficult but please dont think l;ife would be better after divorce