My husband has MAY have a 2 yr old daughter but we have a child together and we dont want to support his ex?

Question

my husband was with broken up with his ex when she came up pregnant. he did what he was supposed to do up until last month when she flipped out over baby wipes (her child is 2, shouldnt be wearing diapers) all she does is sit on her fat *** and pop out more babies (she has two other kids and is pregnant again and she's only 21) my husband never signed the birth certifcate or took a dna test but now she's trying to get child support and she has remarried and we dont want to support her. so what should we do? at this point its either signing over parental rights because we have a child together and it seems like the courts take everything even though it cost next to nothing to take care of a child. but if it comes out his baby i dont mind paying child support but i'd more than likely resent the child and her mother for ever and end up leaving my husband because of the bad decisions he's made. i just want to know what is the NEW person in the relationship supposed to do, when i had nothing to do with the child and now my financial future is being attacked?

Answer 1

You are worried about your financial future being attacked? What about the future of these kids that did not ask to be born into this world? First your husband will need to take a DNA test, it does not matter how many men she has slept with because your husband was one of them and if it his kid he needs to accept responsibility. I know you did not ask for this but you married him so you should be willing to stand by him through the good and the bad. You sound really selfish to say you would end up resenting him and leaving him. Since when does it cost next to nothing to raise a child? Where do you live? I have 3 kids and I can tell you it is definatly not cheap to raise a child. You should have a talk with your husband and if you are not willing to go through this with him and support him you should let him know now, before he goes through this and when he really needs you, you will not be there for him.  

Answer 2

Well many 2 year olds are still in diapers. When the kid gets 3 he should be toilet trained for sure.

Your husband needs to take a DNA test to prove or disprove if the kid is his or not. The Maury show will do it for free if you contact them.

Right now I don't think she has a leg to stand on with child support. She would need proof he was the father. If they were never married and he never signed the birth certificate she would probably have to get a court order to prove he was the dad, in order to get support.

If he knows for a fact he is the dad and wants to pay he needs to get the test done and then contact a family law attorney to get the payments set up and also a visitation schedule.

Because of the type of women this is, he needs to have the kid tested and also try to get as much custody of the kid as possible. With all of those babies and strange men around I fear for the child's safety.  

Answer 3

get a paternity test taken if its not his he is off the hook if its his he needs to support his child it takes $200,000 to raise a child if you leave him arent you going to want child support or is his name not on your childs birth certificate  grow up there are 2 sides to every story

Answer 4

Your husband has a legal and moral obligation to support his child. If you want to leave him because he does so, that's your choice. Personally, I'd respect him more, and I'd worry about his commitment to your future children if he didn't take care of his current child.

As for it taking next to nothing to take care of a child - well, you'll learn better when you have your own kids.

Answer 5

Oh well to bad, you knew he had a kid when you married him!  What kind of person are you that you would resent a child that has nothing to do with any of this?  It's the same way you feel that you had nothing to do with him having another child, but it affects you!   If you were to stupid to check your husband out BEFORE you married him, then you deserve whatever you have to deal with now that you're married!  Funny the courts disagree with you on how much it costs to support a child!  The support if for the child, not her.  Your husband should have been smart enough to protect himself from having kids he didn't really want, but he wasn't!  Sounds like the two of you deserve each other!

Answer 6

If he didn't cheat on you then you're responsible for this child. He is your husband's child. Get a DNA test and if it's his then look forward to taking care of this child. If you know in the long run you can't do it then you should leave now. Don't waste his or your time.

Answer 7

First I would get a test to know for sure. I can understand your frustration but please don't ever take it out on the baby. The adults are the ones who are responsible. The rest is up to you if you can't accept the mistakes he has made you are right you will be bitter and it will cause nothing but conflict for you. If your love for each other isn't strong enough to endure this than we all know the end result.

Answer 8

Your first responder is correct.....  if it can be proven to be his kid, he's responsible for it until it is 18.  And he doesn't have a choice.... his pay check is deducted by court order.  About the only way you two can get out from under it is to leave the country and live in a Third World area..... Mexico, Belize, Ecuador, Cambodia, and hope they never find you.... Big penalty, huh? for a thoughtless o****m, as he was thinking with his little head rather than his big one...  And at $250,000, that's a ton of cash.  Get used to it.  When people plop babies on this planet without planning, they pay the piper..... big buckos.

And that is as it should be.  Every child deserves a  chance to become all it can be... and that costs $$$$.

Answer 9

The Courts will make your husband take a DNA test. If he IS the father he will have to pay child support.  

Answer 10

This is not going to be a popular answer I am sure..but if it proves to be his child than you have to accept it and that's the way it is.  This child didn't ask to be born and because of that is very innocent.  You have to make a decision to accept the child or leave.  Your child as well as his other child have to be the most important part of his life..it's a responsibility..no one told him to have s*x without protection in this day and age.  So if you can't accept this as fact you need to move on..but I can assure you that you too will want child support for your innocent child.  I hope you understand what I am saying and the best of luck to you..

Answer 11

Where does it cost nothing to raise a child?

Statistics show that raising a child through age 18 will cost approximately $350,000.

Yep, condoms are much cheaper than that.  

I am sorry but your husband is a moron and you are not placing blame where it belongs. The reason he has not taken the test because he already knows the results.

Answer 12

Take the DNA test, find out your rights and go from there...

Answer 13

>it cost next to nothing to take care of a child<

Are you kidding!!!!! It costs quite a bit to take care of a child! Are you completely delusional? Who the heck pays for yours? The taxpayers?

You must be really young as well and you don't understand the legal

system. If he was man enough to deposit his sperm into someone and create a baby, then he needs to be man enough to pay for that child.

If you were irresponsible enough to allow him to impregnate you as well then it looks like he has another child to take care of and yes, if you are with him you have to deal with the financial burden of him paying for the children he sowed.

The other woman will be able to have a DNA test done so the courts can validate paternity and once that is done and he is proven to be the dad he must take care of his child. It is his obligation. It doesn't matter if she has remarried. If you can get her present husband

to adopt the child then you may be able to get out of child support.

However,even if your hubby signs his rights away(not due to adoption), he is still obligated to support the child.

Guess what? If he is the father, then he has 18 wonderful years to pay for this child and a lifetime of contact with the other person. You need to understand that and start dealing with it. It isn't all about you and your feelings or finances. As far as being resentful of the other child, you are completely selfish and inconsiderate! Did that child ask to be born? No, so you need to keep your resentment off of the child. The woman that has the child had nothing to do with you and your life except that your guy will have contact with her to be able to see his child and help her financially.

You need to grow up and understand that the world doesn't revolve around you and that you need to take what life hands you and see the positive in it.  

Oh and by the way, do you have a medical degree? All children develop differently and it is completely reasonable to have a two year old in diapers. Some children aren't totally potty trained until they are four or older.

Point blank, if your hubby decided to have s*x with an ex and created a child, he and she are responsible for that child. You have no say because that child is his obligation, not yours.

You should have thought about your future before you married him. You live and learn darlin and you have to deal with the fact that he has a responsiblity to his child. Since he married you then that will take away from your income. My advice would be to keep seperate accounts so if they ever have to garnish him it won't affect your money.  

Answer 14

My husband has three kids with his ex and I can't stand her.  She's forever complaining about money even though he has never failed to pay child support, and has payed for some extra stuff he wasn't legally required to pay for.  Nothing is ever enough.  If he pays the kids' college tuition, well then she thinks he's a tightwad for not buying them cars too.  I would like to volunteer her as an astronaut for a mission to Mars. (That's out of cellphone range, isn't it?)

But you know what?  I knew he has 3 kids who he's responsible for and an ex with issues when I married him.  I bet you knew when you married your husband that he has a kid who he's responsible for, too.  While we may find our husbands' ex-wives extremely irritating, it's not like we didn't know what we were getting into.  When I got married, I accepted him for who he is, as a human being with a past that affects the present.  He accepted me, in spite of the stupid things I did in the past and now can't undo.  And we move forward together.

Answer 15

Everyone has a past, why leave him over it...If it is his child that is his responsibility first...He had that child with her first...If you really love your husband then why are talking about leaving...Who cares how many other kids she has if only one is his?  Take the dna test first then if it is then he should pay for the child...Dont make him sign over parental rights to his child just b/c you have a child with him...that is so unfair to the child he made..Dont resent the child, its NOT the kids fault...They will go on his income NOT yours...You do make yourself sound kinda shallow....

Answer 16

Before you make any decisions, your husband needs to insist on a paternity test.  If the baby isn't his, she has no claim on him anyway.  If the baby is his, signing over parental rights seems like it would be a good idea, since it doesn't sound like he wants to be in the baby's life, and just wants to avoid a financial burden.

What are you going to do if the baby is his, and the wife takes him to court for child support?  If the baby is his, at least if you go through the court and a judge decides what the child support should be, he can pay the set amount every month and be done, rather than having her call you every time she runs out of money before the end of the month.

Answer 17

You will not be happy with your new position. As the NEW person in this relationship you will not have much authority over his child as the natural parent is the one to discipline the child and your future financial status is going to be attacked as long as your husband is paying the child support.  

If there is any doubt that your husband is the real father, a DNA test should be done; they aren't cheap and may just be a further cost so there should be some real doubt before getting a DNA test; on the other hand if the test proves he is not the father it may be worth it as the current situation will attack your financial future for many, many years.  If the mom decides she wants his kid to go to Harvard, Stanford or any expensive school, guess what the cost of child support to that child will also increase.

For your sake I would suggest talking with an attorney on how to protect your own financial future.  Don't resent the child for merely being created and raised by someone who disgust you.  There is no such thing as illegitimate babies, just illegitimate parents or people as some people aren't in any condition emotionally or economically to be a parent.  

Your husband has obvious made a mistake in his past that is going to haunt you financially.  As you naturally feel resentment to the child and the mom and maybe your husband for getting himself and now you into this situation.  Seeking a couselor to help you through this may be beneficial as they can help you sort out your feelings and help create an action plan.  You happened to step into a situation that is going to exist at least until that child is 18 or more depending upon whether he has to pay for her to go to college.  It may hurt to go through all of that, so make sure you are prepared for the long haul because your finances will be under attack for a long time to come.

Sorry it wasn't more positive and for the troubles you are facing, but before making any decisions find out exactly where you stand in terms of your husband's past and the financial problems that will incur because of it and whether you are willing to deal with all of it.  

Answer 18

You've got it wrong.

he's supposed to support THE CHILD. He'd rather his child go without?

WOW what a great father he is, incredible.

And by the way, most 2 yrs old STILL wear diapers.  

Answer 19

the person who files first is the truth teller.

file 4 a dna test & document all money, visitation & gifts

serve her, if the kid is not his, he can sue her 4 fraud.

if it is his, file 4 joint legal/physical 1 week on & 1 week off.

primary residence w/ mother and it will be fair.

start claiming the child every other year on taxes.

this is the best set up. promise. good luck.

Answer 20

Should of wore a rubber. Now you need to go on the Maury Show. Good Luck :)

Answer 21

If the child is his you will have to either deal with it or leave.  He will be responsible for supporting the child, and with DNA test you can know for sure.  If she wants him to support the kid there's no way to avoid it, and believe me it is pretty costly, regardless of what you think.

Answer 22

Sweetie, the majority of two yr olds are still in diapers. It is very expensive to raise a child, and this is just as much his fault as it is hers. First, get the paternity test out of the way so you will know if it is your step-child. If it is woman-up. You married for better or worse. If he is willing to sign over parental right, is that type of father you want for your children. It is time to own up and grow up. I don't mean to be harsh, try putting the shoe on the other foot and see if you would want to wear it. Probably not. Life is full of suprises, some good, some not so good. But there is nothing bad about a child, reguardless of how sorry the childs mother is. You have to be the better woman.  

Answer 23

What do you mean it cost nearly nothing to have a child! WHATEVER! It totally cost alot of money to raise a child that is if you want the best for them. Looks like he needs to leave you and not give you child support. You are acting very immature wanting your husband to give up his rights. So wrong! You need to stop thinking of yourself, cause the child have no fault. As far as what the new person in the relationship should do? Accept it! He had the child when he got with you right? I have 2 step children and they mean the world to me they have no fault in what happened and I knew my husband had them before we got together. So I seriously think you need to grow up cause if your husband comes to his senses (Which I hope he does) he might just be leaving you and not the other way around!

Answer 24

CHILDREN ARE INNOCENT AND CANT PICK THEIR PARENTS SO WHY WOULD YOU RESENT THE CHILD, IF SHE IS SUCH A FAT A** Y WAS YOUR HUBBY F*CKING HER    *****THIS IS HIS DECISION AND YOU NEED TO LET HIM TAKE CARE OF HIS CHILD *****

Answer 25

Go straight to drlaura.com and read her book

10 Stupid things women do to mees up their lives

Answer 26

DEAL WITH IT... He made that child with her... Your right it doesnt cost alot to feed a child, cloth it, Diapers, Keep it warm with utilities.. your right.. they cost nothing.. sounds like you have never had children.  I payed child support for a child I did not know even if it was mine but the way I seen it... I was paying the kid not the mother.  Sounds like you need to grow up and look foward to the child.. and not as a burden.

Answer 27

Look.  I know exactly what you mean but you need to calm down & be the adult here.  My husband's ex is lazy too & has popped out 4 kids with 4 different fathers.  BUT I am not going to blame my husband for something he did before I even married him.  We all learn from our mistakes.  It's not like your husband keeps knocking chicks up or anything.  Yes he made a bad decision by being involved with someone who has questionable values but I'm sure he's not too happy with the situation either.  You should just support him.  Get the DNA test done.  It's ONE kid not TEN.  How much could he possibly have to pay?

Do the right thing here because the way you're coming off in your question makes you sound just as immature as the other girl.  You don't just up & leave your husband PLUS resent an innocent child solely because the situation isn't to your liking.  That's not how marriage works.  Be the adult & do the right thing.  Be supportive.

Answer 28

Like just about everyone else said, get a dna test done.  If he is the father, he needs to support his child.  Yes, since you got married, they will take your finances into consideration.  This is life.  If you were in her shoes, wouldnt you want your child supported to the full extent?  This kid is innocent, you should not resent it.  Give him/her all the love and support you can and try to assist in rainsing the child to be a good person.

Answer 29

did your husband cheat on you and got her pregnant? get a DNA test if it is his he needs to take care of it of not you dont ever have to talk to his ex again