My husband has NEVER been jealous of me! Help, Please!?

Question

I have been with my husband for 7 years <married> and 20 years as his on and off again girlfriend/roomate. I'm 35 years old and he's 37. We are truly the best of friends. But, last night I text my <one of 3 only other best friends> Ryan, and because I hadn't spoken with him <Ryan> in several days, I put "I miss you" and "hugs". The whole text was as follows: Where are you? I miss you Hugs....that's it! Ryan has some issues right now with his 5 year girlfriend <whom I know> and my husband is also pretty decent friends with Ryan. He will come over and watch baseball and eat and hang out with us sometimes. BTW, Ryan is almost 10 years my junior and 12 years my husband's junior. My husband,Chris, has NEVER once shown any form of jealous behavior in our 20 years together. He has no reason to be...I'm an affectionate and emotional person. I hug anyone even remotely close to me...where Chris is not nearly as affectionate as I am. He's the serious one and I'm the fun one. He makes the money and I like to spend it! We are absolutely perfect for each other, but, last night Chris started implying that "maybe something's going on with the 2 of you!" I laughed at first, then realized he was not kidding and I tried to reassure him, but he then was like "maybe you're being too defensive."

What do I do? I've never experienced this jealousy thing from him before. Please tell me that someone out there is familiar with this area! Thank you so much!

Answer 1

he&#039;s jealous. that&#039;s it.

if i read a text like that, i would be suspicious too.

reassure him that he&#039;s the only one for you and try to curb your &quot;emotional&quot; behavior and think about how it can effect your hubby. you probally dont get because you never have to worry about him because he&#039;s serious and not as emotional, but try to put yourself in his shoes and hopefully, you&#039;ll think before you text.

be more specific w/ text. like &quot;i know you&#039;re going through some things w/ your girl, so if you need a friend, i&#039;m here&quot; not &quot;where are you&quot;--none of your business anyway.

Answer 2

Be flattered.. after 20 years, alot of husbands would care less.  Give him some re-assurance and you should be okay.

Answer 3

If your husband told another woman that, you would throw a fit. You should not even be telling another man something like that no matter how good of a friend he is.  

Answer 4

Awwww.  That&#039;s sweet.  I always told my husband that a little bit of jealousy is nice.  Whatever you do, don&#039;t stop talking to Chris or treating him differently because then you will lool guilty.  I would cool it a little bit and definitely pay extra attention to your husband.  As we get older, we get a little bit petty and protective of the ones that we love.  Good luck..

Answer 5

Just tell him straight out that he has nothing to be jealous of. Be clear and serious. Be open give him permission to check your email and texting with Ryan.  

Answer 6

Hmm, sounds to me like he&#039;s developing trust issues with you. Try to figure out how this started. People don&#039;t just stop trusting their partner after twenty years. There had to be a trigger, maybe something you did, maybe something HE did and is projecting feelings of guilt at you.

I would consider talking to him and asking him directly if you have done something to make him feel like you could betray him on such a grand scale. If it were something minor like say accusing you of drinking the last beer, I would say don&#039;t worry about it but this is adultery.

This is serious.

Talk to him best, case scenario: he says he was joking or you did do something then he tells you about it and you can hash it out.

Worst case scenario he gets defensive or starts blaming you, if so you may be scratching the tip of the ice burg, seek marital counseling.

Answer 7

there are a lot of things that could be going on.. maybe the &quot;activity&quot; has been reduced and he is feeling insecure... guys need the s*x as a reassurance that everything is still ok.. when it reduces, they worry... my wife is the same way, she loves all her friends equally...it is hard to feel important as a spouse when you are on the same level as the other friends... my wife says she is not jealous, but there are times that I feel she is, questioning phone calls, asking &quot;who is that?&quot;... I have nothing to hide, so I tell her... it is actually kinda funny some times, I will act secretive just to jack with her...  I would continue to be yourself and drop it.. tell him if he has something to say, say it and just ask...

maybe give him a spontaneous quicky, or something.. that would help me..

Answer 8

Well if you&#039;ve been together that long and this has never been an issue before, clearly something has changed; in him, in you and/or in the relationship.

Guys don&#039;t just wake up one morning and decide they are insecure.

How did he see the text on your phone?  Did you show it to him or is he in the habit of reading them?  

As I implied above, jealousy is a form of insecurity.  Basically his self-esteem has been lowered, and that could be caused by a variety of things, maybe even something having nothing to do with you.  The other possibility is that he is cheating.  It&#039;s VERY common for a cheating spouse to accuse the other as a means of throwing them off the scent of their own cheating.

But look at what may have changed:

1. Do you spend more time with Ryan now than you used to?  (it&#039;s possible given he&#039;s having a rough relationship)

2. Has anything changed in how you communicate with Ryan, or do you dress up more when you see him than you used to?

3. Is it possible you do have feelings for Ryan and maybe your husband is picking up on that?

4. Has you hubby recently lost a job, had E.D. issues, started losing his hair, etc.  Anything that might make him feel less of a &quot;man&quot;?

If none of that sounds right, then I would recommend having a heart to heart with your husband about it.  Serious conversation that lays everyone&#039;s feelings on the table.  It&#039;s possible he&#039;s felt this way for a while and just never said anything.  It&#039;s even possible he has mainly befriended Ryan as a means of keeping tabs on you two.

If you can&#039;t shake his jealousy, I would cut back on how much time you spend talking, texting or hanging out with Ryan; after all your husband should come first.  I would not cut off contact with Ryan, as ultimately your husband does need to learn to be OK with you having guy friends.  I would start to integrate Ryan more with your hubby too so they can spend more time together as getting to know him better could make him feel more at ease.

I would also not discuss this with Ryan as his reaction could make your husband even more suspicious.

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Personally I don&#039;t think a spouse should check another&#039;s phone or emails, as they shouldn&#039;t have to.  A healthy relationship is not built on that kind of spying.

Also, there&#039;s nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite s*x.  Anyone who says otherwise is guilty of something or just immature.

Answer 9

He might think that ur spending more time with Ryan. maybe U should spend more time with ur husband.

Answer 10

honestly dont think I can help. I&#039;ve never been married and i&#039;m only 22. Id have to say that if I was in your situation I&#039;d just continously let him know you love him. Thats all I think you can do maybe even do something special for him and have a good talk with him. I&#039;ve seen people who have been through horrible things is their marriages and they made it through. So i&#039;m sure your problem can be fixed.  

Answer 11

Having friends of the opposite s*x is not really a good idea while married,he has probably felt this way for a while and not said anything,I wouldn&#039;t be happy either,especially if Ryan is having problems in his relationship

Answer 12

It was a one time thing, so don&#039;t read too much into it.  Maybe he was in a bad mood, or hungry, or tired, and that&#039;s all.  Please ignore them if, as I expect you will, you get answers here that say, &quot;If he&#039;s jealous of you that means he is cheating on you.&quot;  While that may be true in some cases and for some people, I highly doubt it&#039;s anything you need to worry about.

Answer 13

Don&#039;t text your mutual friend this type of messages.  My husband would of been upset as well.  No husband wants to hear his wife misses another man, unless he is blood related.  Reassure your husband and keep those fingers of yours still.