My husband has been taking anxiety and depression meds without telling me?

Question

I just discovered this today after finding them in his shave kit. Based on the receipt, he's been taking them for about 2 months.

I feel upset that he could not come to me to talk about this, especially because I am on a helpful antidepressant myself.

He has been under a tremendous amount of stress at work but generally prefer not to talk about it at home.

Should I approach him about what I've found or leave it alone and let him cope in his own way?

Thanks for advice.

Answer 1

Leave it alone but tell him that you are always here for him. Do something sweet for him tonight and express some love. Be his rock and let him know that you will always be there for him. Not only tonight, but always, tell him how much you love him and how proud of him you are. I do that with my man every day. It's made a tremendous difference. If he doesn't want to talk, don't force him. Just let him know you are there for him if he does and that there is nothing he should feel ashamed about.  

Answer 2

He was probably embarrassed to tell you. Just leave it alone, it's not that big of a deal. Maybe he's just seeing how they work out before he let's you know, maybe it's just a temporary solution for him and he doesn't want to worry you. Just do your best to support him, be extra nice to him and try to do little things that will help him through this rough patch.

For example~

Make him a nice dinner, maybe give him some nice sexual satisfaction, stop nagging so much, act happy about pleasing him, get him a beer and make him a sandwich and smile while doin it.

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Answer 3

He's your husband, and you should be able to talk to him about it.  Even if he's embarrassed, you have to get it out in the open.  There is no room for secrets like this in a marriage.

Answer 4

Hes probably embarassed about it. I think if you mention it, it will go really bad. Sometimes people just need to handle things on their own, so I dont think he is hiding this just to keep things from you. I think hes either embarassed, or doesnt want to talk about whats keeping him down. Let him deal with this on his own.  

Answer 5

He was probably embarrassed or didn't want to divulge all of his inner turmoil that led him to go to the doctor and get the drugs.  If he doesn't like to talk about his feelings, that is probably why he hid it.  If you really want to talk about it, just say, "wow sweetie, you have been acting so calm over the last few months.  what's the change?"  That opens the door and if he doesn't want to tell you then, maybe let it go for awhile.

Answer 6

Don't make this about your or your marriage and "why didn't you tell ME".  If you really want to talk to him about it just say "honey, I found your depression pills by accident and I just want to say if you want to talk about it I am here for you".  and leave it at that.  He'll know you are concerned just by that statement and that you support him.  

Answer 7

Can you be kind, supportive, loving, and understanding when you approach him?  I don't know why for sure, but it sounds to me like you're angry about this.  While I'm not saying you wouldn't have a right to feel hurt about being left out of the loop, and therefore angry, I am saying that bringing that attitude to the discussion would not be helpful.  If his mood is sufficiently anxious and depressed that he needs medication, please be sure to tread softly.

Answer 8

I wouldnt say anything about it because he is obviously embarrased to be taking them..  He most likely feels like he nees to hold it together, being the man of the house and all, and the fact that he has to take meds is probably humiliating to him.

I really wouldnt tell him that you know.  Some serets are ok ;)

Good luck!

Answer 9

Maybe you have something (your behavior) to do with his decision to take them.

Answer 10

Maybe I'm crazy but my advice would be this:

Say to him: "Honey, I was getting something out of your shaving kit and I found your medication. I just want you to know that I really respect you for taking the steps to help yourself. But I am a little hurt that you didn't share this with me. I'm 100% behind you, and its ok for you to tell me about things like that."

Now heres one thing you should never say: If he is having a bad day and feeling sad or anxious about something, never ask him if he's been taking his medication. That can really hurt him.

Answer 11

My husband just told me (through tears) that he has been depressed the last 5 years and is going to schedule an appointment to get on meds!  He held it in this long because he was too embarrassed to tell me.  I think you should tell your husband that you know he is depressed because you found his meds and that it is ok and you are there for him if he needs to talk about it.  Tell him in an email if it would be easier on you both.  Part of his problem could be the anxiety of keeping something from you.  You are a married couple and this should be something you work through together.  He needs you to lean on now and might appreciate you stepping up to be there for him.

Answer 12

Part of being married is supporting one another.  If you weren't snooping and just accidently found the prescription, you should mention that you found them.  Otherwise, the withholding of that information is yet another lie.  That becomes a slippery slope.

I would approach it by telling that you accidently found his pills, and that you respect the fact that he doesn't want to talk about it.  Apologize for the accidental invasion of his privacy.

Depending on how you feel, give him some affirmation along these lines:

1.  You recognize and appreciate how hard he's been working.

2. You enjoy the life the two of you have created together

3.  You respect the fact that he's addressing this issue proactively

4.  You are available to talk about anything when he wants to

5. You love him

Since you are on antidepressants as well, mutual stress exists in your lives and maybe the ability to discuss it will help alleviate some of it.

If he's traditional, chances are he wants to provide for his family while making it appear effortless.  That's not all that easy to do.  

Answer 13

I'm sure he isn't trying to hide it from you. It sounds like he already knows you yourself has problems so maybe he just didn' t tell you because he thought it would add stress on you. And if you think about it he is probably embarrassed.