My husband has my mind in a psyhco warp...Am I moving about things in the BEST interest for my babies??

Question

I absolutely can't handle his manipulation. I tried to deal with him strictly on the kids basis and he ran with it to play on my emotions. I know I allowed it, but it's still painful to hear lies from a person you love. Well anyway I changed my phone number, so he can't call, or txt me. However, he can communicate via email. What I did was file for Child Support w/the FOC, and the court date won't be for another 6 mos, and I know he wants to see his kids. Keeping them from him is wrong, so I drew up a "temporary separation agreement arrangment prior to court proceedings" outling visitation and child support. Am I doing this the right way??? I really wish we didn't have kids together, and could just start completely over without any connection. He knows all of my weakness, and uses them faithful. What else can I do to continue my strength? and Sanity?

Answer 1

You can't and if he really cared for you he would stop manipulating you like this.  You can act like the usual manipulations don't work (he won't really know either way unless you show it) and see how it goes.  

Answer 2

Mrs, Do what you have to do; Stop worrying about what you want and what he wants; Think about your children and what they need right now. You know his condition and he knows yours; You're safe, your kids are safe, but he's not. Stop accepting his e-mail and so on; Move on with your life and take care of your kids. Some people just never change; My sister is in an abusive relationship; She's free right now and her baby. It's bad when your in a challenging situation, but leaving is the best thing for you and your kids. Please don't fall for the trap or bait...Just wait and see what the judge has to say in court...I'd wait.

Answer 3

I would use a third party between you, for everything.  I would also cut off E-mail communication or have it third party.  In your Outlook you can set up a rule to auto forward (and then delete) any E-mails from him to another address.

Find a friend or family member who you trust, tell him that you only want the "facts" from your stb-ex (soon to be-ex) not his feelings and make sure he tells your stb-ex that he will not have any more contact with you - period.  You can insist that any contact go through this person between you.

Personally, I think you are being too nice here - I would have it made clear that he has no contact with the kids months to allow a cooling off period, as well it will prevent him from using the kids to manipulate you (which I doubt he is above).  

If he wants contact with them I would make sure it is SUPERVISED (by your intermediary) at your house while you are not there.  This will prevent him from pulling any c**p on the kids or leveraging them against you.  I would do this until the court date.

Answer 4

Just continue to be strong. I am going through kind of the same thing. My sons father and I are not married. THANK GOD!!! He knows all about me too and he uses it. Just remain strong and dont let him break you.  

Answer 5

You can stick to your guns...youre doing great.

Answer 6

Why did you make kids with him then?

Not just one but atleast a 2nd one?

Divorce hurts kids.Unless he is abusive( i mean comes  in cussing ranting and slapping you around) why not try asking him to go to marriage counseling?

The thing with that is though you will BOTH have to own up to your short commings be honest with yourselves and BOTH will have to be willing to make some changes.

Answer 7

I don't know much about this situation, but I DO know one thing.  Make sure that if you've set up a temporary separation agreement that he agrees to the terms.  If you've basically forced him into it, it'll reflect negatively on you when you go in front of a judge.  What the judge will basically say is "He's their father.  You have no right to keep them away from him."  So, make sure he gets all the visitation he's entitled to.  Other than that, don't let him get you down!  It's a hard thing to go through with kids, but you can do it!