My husband has never known his father.?

Question

We are both 28, have 2 daughters, and I thought it was time to start the search. I have since found him, met him and visited with him on 2 occasions. He is a very nice person, it seems. My husbands dad asked for a paternity test, which he has paid for and pending results. My husband does not want to meet him anytime soon, which is understandable. His "dad" wants to finally make amends for not wanting or being in his life all these years. My question has 2 parts- 1. Should I try to dance around the meeting issue? 2. Although no longer a minor- is he entitled to his estate after death? He is not a wealthy man, quite the opposite but he has old furniture he requested go to our children.

Answer 1

I can see exactly where you are coming from with this. If it were me I would wait for the paternity test results to come through. Until everyone concerned is absolutely certain of the blood tie then there is no point in pushing this issue.

Ask Dad to wait for the results as it could be traumatic for your husband otherwise. Legally speaking I cannot help you with the estate issue but anyone, via a Will, can leave anything he wishes to anyone.

Best wishes. I hope this helps. Good Luck. UK

Answer 2

I find it appalling that you took it upon yourself to search for and meet your husband's father.  This was not your place.  This was none of your business.  Your husband obviously has a reason for keeping his father out of his life and for you to step on that reason is completely disrespectful.

If I were you I would sever all ties with this man.  If he calls you, or emails you, simply reply with, 'Unfortunately our family is not available to have an open relationship with you.  I wish you well and perhaps one day, if ready, we can open this door again.'  

This man asked for a DNA test.  What kind of father is he?  He has been out of your husband's life and when you came into his, he immediately asked for proof of paternity?  

If I were you I would butt out of events that don't include me.  Don't be so quick to want a payday when this stranger dies.  It is blood money that even your husband doesn't want to touch.  Perhaps you should take a page from his book and stay away.

--EDIT: Why would you have to lie to your children?  What's wrong with the truth?  "Daddy doesn't feel his father is someone who should be in our lives."  There you go.  That's all they need, they don't need a novella.

Your husband doesn't want a relationship with this man.  Who are you to try to change that?  Just because you think it's time for him to get over it doesn't mean he has to.  This is a life-altering event and if he isn't ready to move forward, don't push him.  Otherwise he will resent you later when his father hurts not only him, but his children, too.

But, hey, you'll be in the will, so you'll be happy, right?