My husband has never known his father?

Question

We are both 28, have 2 daughters, and I thought it was time to start the search. I have since found him, met him and visited with him on 2 occasions. He is a nice person, it seems. My husbands dad asked for a paternity test, which he has paid for and pending results for inheritance purposes. Seems sudden but he is in his 70's and in poor health. My husband does not want to meet him anytime soon, which is understandable. His "dad" wants to finally make amends for not wanting or being in his life all these years. He never paid a cent in child support, no b-day cards- nothing. My mother-in-law wants me to continue the visits because she thinks it will be good for my husband in the long run especially before he passes. Just get it out and move on. Should I continue or let my husband make the next move?

Answer 1

As long as your husband has no problem with you meeting with his dad then I see no problem with it.  Especially if you are giving him chance to see his grandkids.

Additionally dont push your husband to meet with him if he doesnt want to - boys been deserted/not seeing there dads hurts them deeply, and isnt easily forgiven.  Also the paternity test will have probably just twisted the knife a touch more.  And I think isnt the most sensitive move by you father in law.

Be there for your husband - and if possible allow the g.kids to know there grand-daddy.  

Good luck

xx

Answer 2

let me tell you i had a hard life growing up i never knew my father until i was 16 i always hunger for my father and one day it came they found him.i'm not going to tell you the whole story because it's to painful to talk about.i was his daughter and no amount of money is worth pain and hurt that he brought to me that one day. i still just my father lived in the same city and a 25 min. drive from me and it never happen no visits  so i went to him for him to tell me he had a family. so i'm saying all it would of took for him to accepted me and ask for forgiveness so let your husband do it on his own terms unless you have been in his place you will never understand. if a dna was stopping his father from being a father he had 70 years to be a that father. my father died 2 years ago  the reason i know is i had to always start at the back of the paper to see when i lost the man that i thought was my father. i still remmember that day when   those hurtful and tearful words i have a family i will take them to my grave. i know that this situation is probably different but don't push it leave well enough alone.and for your mother in law you don't no the whole story was he just a sorry *** or did the mother start this mess just something to think about.

a tear for your husband and a joyful thought if if goes good.

good luck

Answer 3

I've been in your same predicament...I would definitely let your husband make the next move...to him it may be something personal that he needs to fix himself. But you are so nice to help out!

Answer 4

well at least he is trying..unlike my father..

your husband should make the next move...but continue the contact you cant force the issue between them.

i just wish i would of heard back from my father..even if he wrote saying he wants no further contact..at least i would get an answer

Answer 5

Well you should continue to get put in the will. Back child support no doubt is what your MIL wants. Its a mother's desire to make good for their kids. But don't push your hubby into an emotional relationship.

Answer 6

dont foce him to meet him if he truely doesnt want to because if it ends up not being a good meeting than he might be very upset afterwards and regret it and you wouldnt want to feel guilty for pushing him.just tell him how you feel and why you think he should meet him and if he wants then he will.good luck.

Answer 7

I would follow your husband's lead in this.  He needs to approve if you continue, or if he wants to join the visits.