My husband hates that i smoke!.. but i don't want to quit, what to do?

Question

Ok, so i started smoking when i was 17yo, met my husband at 19 & quit at 20 the minute i suspected i was pregnant, i never smoked until my son was 4months & i came back to work.

I don't smoke every day but when i do i smoke 1-3cigs a day, when i get home i wash my hands, pull my hair back & either take off or change my shirt so i know i'm being careful. Still my husband gets SO mad that i smoke, i don't smoke in the house, not inside or outside, i only smoke when i'm away from my son.

I can't smoke when i'm with hubby because he gets mad, i can't even smoke comfortably. I know he worries about my health but it should be my choice, right? I don't want him to be happy about it but i want him to at least tolerate it, like he did when we were dating..

How can i make him understand that i won't quit & that he should let me be???

Answer 1

You sound young and foolish.  I am glad you didn't smoke when you were pregnant and you don't smoke around the baby.  He loves you and wants you to be healthy.  He wouldn't bug you about it if he didn't care.  Smoking does stink.  I used to smoke.  Ex smokers are the harshest critics.  I used to tell my ex that: "kissing you is like l*****g an ashtray" and that he could have been the man of my dreams, but that man doesn't smoke.  I refused to even date a smoker once we broke up.  I don't regret that in the least.  Hope you decide to quit someday.

Answer 2

Ever heard about secondhand smoke?  It's not just your body you are ruining by smoking, but also your husband's and your son's.  But if you don't care about them enough, by all means, keep smoking.. I guess he'll just have to wait till you die of lung cancer to marry someone who will be a good mother to your mother-less son.. If you haven't ruined his health by your smoking as well.

Grow up!  Think about others for a change and not just yourself.

Answer 3

you stink... simple as that.  just wait till you age prematurely and your fingers turn that nasty yellow color, I bet your breath is fabulous!!  Oh, and I can't wait till you get your first run of emphysema!  won't that be fun?  you're son can come visit you and make sure you're wearing your oxygen while you cough up blood into a tissue that you keep crammed up your sweater sleeve.  Here's to the future dumbf*uck!

Answer 4

Yes, of course it is your choice to smoke. The problem is it is not your husbands and your sons choice to a). breathe in your second hand smoke and b). to lose you, someone they love dearly unnecessarily

Just because you don't smoke around your husband and son it doesn't mean they don't breathe in your second hand smoke. When you smoke it stays in your hair and your clothes (you cant tell me you change your clothes after every cigarette)  You then bring it inside for your family to breathe in at a later time. This can happen through physical contact or simple transference. It is very narrow minded to believe that your family is not inhaling any of your smoke (I think you know this already but it is easier to believe otherwise isn't it)

Why do you have a problem with your husband wanting you to quit. If your son was to start taking drugs that had the potential to end his life early would you do everything in your power to stop him. Of course you would, how is this situation with your husband any different. You should be glad you have someone who loves you so much and doesn't want to see you come to any harm. A lot of people don't have this kind of luxury, you are very lucky.

I agree with what some have been saying, it sound like you put cigarettes before your family. That is very sad.

If you ever change you mind here is a website that can help you to quit.

Good luck  

Answer 5

cant u just geta patch or something?? goodness sake u are about to ruin ur marriage and health over this

Answer 6

If you were smoking just tobacco, my answer would be different. But youre inhaling thousands of chemicals.

Some to make you more addicted, some to make the people that smell your smoke or aroma become addicted. They (tobacco companies) are after your son. http://weblog.xanga.com/truth/661308521/...

They put cocoa in cigs because when cocoa is heated it helps numb the throat and makes it so the smoker (you) doesnt feel the full effects the cigarette is doing to your throat.

There is also something else in cigs that is a bronchial dilator helping you breathe better, again, so you wont notice what the cigs are doing.

Here, watch this. Its true.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_8BerrJg...

Also do a search for barb Tarbox. Also a true story.http://www.aadac.com/79_615.asp  click 16 minute one.

I know I seem like Im against smoking, well I am but Im an ex-smoker myself. Never wanted to quit, but had a friend die of lung cancer and she left her two boys and husband to fend for themselves. Heart breaking.

Heres another link.

http://www.tobaccofacts.org/suckedin/ind...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eB286VdOk...

Answer 7

He met and married you as a smoker. He knew what he was getting himself into!  But it wouldn't be right for him to not encourage you to quit. Give him that much.  

Answer 8

You stink and so do your clothes, breath, hair and skin. Your health is not "your choice" when you get married and have children. You have responsibilities to other people now.  

Answer 9

I had this same problem with my wife.... I use to smoke and stop about 20 years ago, she stop about 18 years ago and then started about 12 years ago, boy did we get in to it, we talk ( sometimes loudly ) about it for 2 years, Then one day her grandfather died, he has smoke all this life, she saw him go from being big at 250lb to 165lb at this time of death, 1 year later my wife grandmother died. They said it was from 30 years of 2nd hand smoke. That night I had our kids go to my mother house and I sat down with my wife ( who is my best friend ) and I told her, "you need to stop smoking, if you don't I will leave you". she was upset and call me mean and some other name you can not say here...lol. She talk to her Friend who said I was wrong and she should be able to do what she wants. Guess what.. Her friend were right... but that was not what I was trying to say to her... I wanted her to stop smoking, because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, and smoking only take life away from you, I wanted her to spend time with our kids and one day our grand kids, and smoking would only take that away.. I don't want to see my wife on some machine that helps her breaths one day, know that I could have stop it. I just wanted her to love us ( me and kids ) more than smoking. It was a long month but yes.... she did quit.. She is happy and plays more with our kids.... and grandkids... Sometime she make me laugh when she see someone smoking and says " that is such a nasty habit".. She forget that she was one of them before.. So I just smile and hold her hand and hope we have another 20 years together. Sorry this was a long response,but it is about your life. Who do you love more??? Smoking or you husband..

Answer 10

Honey, even with washing hands, changing clothes and pulling your hair back, you still smell like stale cigarette smoke.  It's in your hair, on your breath, etc..  If you want to get it off completely, you need to shower and wash your hair before he comes home.  Brush your teeth, focusing on your tongue, as well, and use mouthwash.  You may also camouflage your breath with mints or gum.  But...you're going to have smoker's breath immediately upon waking, and, quite honestly, that STINKS!  (I'm an ex smoker.)  Unless you want to rise and shine a good bit before he does, you won't be able to hide that.  Early morning loving will be impossible with that funk in your mouth.

Your options are to quit or let him keep hounding you.  I realize that his hounding you only makes you more determined to smoke, so that may be a fine point to raise with him.  Tell him if he really wants you to stop smoking, he needs to lay off because it only makes you want a smoke.  

As a mother of 2 asthmatic kids, I've also learned that the smoke on my clothing and in my hair made their asthma symptoms flare up just as bad as it did to have smoke in the air they breathed.  (Not that I smoked around them ever!)  

Either way, the choice is yours, but don't be too mad at him...he just loves you!  And we let a lot of things go when we're dating.  lol  

God bless you and yours...Always!

Answer 11

yep your choice contrary to what others that are perfact think

he met you like that and im sorry but 1-3 a day????  sorry hubbie suck it up on that one

Answer 12

tell him you need his support rather than critisism..my mum smoked for 50 years but only gave up when SHE was ready and she did 10 years ago.....as you only smoke 1-3 a day seems to me you r doing it for an other reason rather than addiction...maybe you need a bit of 'what i want to do' which is quite common after having kids cos we lose our identity. if you can give up then do...but ask him give up something too so it a joint thing rather than just you alone

Answer 13

Okay, let me get this straight. Your husband wants you to quit smoking so that you are healthy and live a long, cancer-free life with him. He wants you to be a healthy mother to his son... This does not seem out of line for him to ask you to do this!

Why would you NOT quit??? You are a wife and mother! This is the most selfish choice I've ever heard of. You say you don't smoke around your son- he KNOWS you smoke, though. Even if you think he doesn't, he KNOWS. Wow, that's setting a great example for him right??

Why won't you quit? Just because it's your choice and your body and you can do whatever you want? Congratulations. Now get over yourself, grow up, be a good mother, and QUIT.

I respect that fact that quitting is very difficult. But people have done it, which means if you choose to, you can.

Good luck.

Answer 14

He is trying to take care of you. As you know smoking is bad for your health, that shows how much he loves you because hes taking care of you. Maybe he tolerated it when you guys were dating because you didnt have a son then. You should quit for you, your husband, and your son.

Answer 15

So because he quit, he expects you to do the same? You say it's only 1-3 a day, and not everyday. Tell him you can try a pack and a half a day like I do. That doesn't even bother my husband. He's never smoked in his life either, and we've been married over 5 years now. He doesn't care if I smoke in the house, and car too. I think at 1-3 a day, your husband can cut you smoke slack.  

Answer 16

You are foolish to keep smoking, and it's your addiction that makes you say these things,

If I can quit a 27 year long, 2-3 pack a day habit cold turkry, then anyone can quit.

It's a filthy, disgusting habit, that shortens your life and makes you stink. Why in the world do you want to keep doing it? If I were him, I'd probably divorce you over it.

Answer 17

According to the bible when you get married YOUR BODY IS YOUR HUSBANDS & HIS IS YOURS

If you say that you don't believe in the bible it is most likely that what was said at your wedding was taken out of the bible.

Your husband loves you and cares about you.  

Answer 18

ITS YOUR THING DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO...i cant tell you who to sock it to..