My husband is VERY unhappy that our first child will be a baby girl...!

Question

I am 5 months pregnant and we just found out that we're having a little girl! My husband is beyond depressed that our first child will be a girl.

We have been married for 5 years with no major marital issues and I feel like his attitude/unhappiness will tear us apart - even before the baby is born!

Before we found out what we're having, he admitted that (of course) he wants a boy but will be happy no matter what (as long as the baby is healthy). Now that we know it's a girl, he is acting so bizarre and I don't know how to approach this subject. I am just so sad and hurt because there are people who can't even have children and here he is unhappy with a perfectly healthy baby. He says that he doesn't want to feel this way but he just can't help it. I wonder if he should see a therapist. I feel like I don't even know this man. This should be the happiest time of our lives instead I cry everyday because I feel abandoned (and I am not a emotional person!)...What do I do?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!...

Answer 1

I'm sure he will come around, especially once he meets her. He'll be wrapped around her tiny little fingers!

Answer 2

He will forget all about a boy once he sees his little girl. Thing change when you see what you have brought into this world and something that is a part of you. Just give him time. Maybe go and buy some pink sports things. Little baby baseball cap that is pink or something.  

Answer 3

That really sucks.  You've increased my view that people shouldn't hear the s*x until the baby's born.

anyway, i would not talk about it.  sure, it'll be a bad "elephant in the room" but him tell you he's unhappy is just going to make you feel worse, and you telling him he's a jerk and you hope your daughter never finds out about this is going to make him feel worse.  Some guys just want their boys to be first born (my husband's like that too).  so i would just hope he gets over it, and hand around people who are feeling positive about the baby . Don't force him to try to decorate the room and stuff.  though it sucks, it'll just make things worse.

Answer 4

HE WILL COME AROUND! My husband was really upset when he found out his little "champ" was really a little "princess." But believe me, he is so wrapped around her little finger now that he can't even stand it. He talks to her and calls her his baby girl, and heck... I'm only 23 weeks pregnant. It took him a couple weeks to warm up, but he'll come around. As soon as he holds her for the first time, she will absolutely melt his heart. Just hang in there!

Answer 5

I thought that my husband would be the same way but as it turns out, I was disappointed for a little while.  I wanted so badly to have his boy first.  I'm sure he will get better, just give him some time first, talk about it or how excited you are.  Just be normal, maybe he thinks that you have a problem and it is making it worse for the both of you.  Just communicate normally and all should be well with you both.  He will get better, it will just take some getting used to the idea of a girl if he has totally been thinking it was a boy.

Answer 6

he will prob just fall in love with her when he meets her, speak to your midwife she may have some advice or be able to refer you both somewhere

Answer 7

It's his fault that the baby is a girl - the man is the one that determines a baby's gender :c)

What is it about a girl that has him so unhappy? Is it because he thinks that he won't be able to play with the child as he would if it was a boy child? OODLES of girls LOVE sports and some of them are better at sports than some boys.

Is it because of the family name thing? Well, you all can try again if you want and there are times when the husband is willing to take his wife's name.

You guys have to communicate (talk, text, email, whatever) to discover why he's feeling so unhappy. He may need to talk to a professional or simply to some other people that have been in his shoes or a trusted friend (or parent?) that can understand what he's feeling.

And your crying is in part because you upset and in part because your hormones are in overtime so don't worry about that part.

To help him deal, don't make the baby's room overly girly. Use other colors besides pink and purple. Try green and yellow or indigo or orange. Make the room gender neutral. That might help him, too. Buy toys and books that are gender neutral.

This is your baby and his baby and will be an extension of the two of you. You can teach her everything from cooking to fishing to gardening to throwing a football. You don't know what she might like - remind him of that. All the baby needs is the love of TWO supportive parents and he is one of those two - remind him of that, also.

Answer 8

Remind him that she will be daddys little girl, and that he can look forward to chasing guys off at the door, and going to father/daughter dances and having her sit on his lap to read her books about princesses, and she will run to him and give him a big hug one day and he will know he is her hero and protecter. And a few yrs or what ever you can try for another and hopefully have a boy and she can be his big sis and since he will be younger he can spend all his time with the dad in the backyard or garage, while you and the daughter are out shopping. Tell him once he sees her beautiful face he will totally change his mind about having a baby girl. Dont let it worry you, you know he will love this baby no matter what as soon as he lays eyes on her. Get him involved into shopping for little girly pink frily things, he will enjoy it even if he doesnt show it. Dont stress or be sad...he will come around. When I found out I was a having a baby girl Monday morning I was so freakin happy I clapped and cried my eyes out on the table...but I didnt care, and my bf said he wanted to cry to but he wanted to be a man about it, and thought that I was doing enough crying for the both of us anyways..haha. But he is so happy its a girl, he cant wait for daddys little girl to arrive.

Answer 9

Wow.  That's really tough.  I would say that maybe it's time to talk to a counselor.  I would be worried about how he treats her after she is born.  I would get this out in the open now before it can "fester" anymore.  Everything will work out.  Don't stress, be a happy mama!  Congrats on your baby girl!

Answer 10

i think he should see a therapist, too. That is a very selfish way to feel. It is not up to us to determine what nature has in store. God has blessed you two. You guys have created a life. Thats amazing.

Congrats. Wish you the best.

Answer 11

Tell your husband it's time to grow up. Sadly, it's not all about him anymore, it's about the baby and he helped make this baby so he can help take care of it, no matter what gender it is.

Answer 12

I was in a similar situation a few months back, but my boyfriend wasnt that bad about it. He made it clear that he would love to have a girl first, but when we were in the room having the ultrasound and the doctor said it was a boy, he was slightly dissapointed but he said it is still his baby boy and he will love him more than anything. It would have just been nice to have a girl, but we can try again at a later stage. I hope your husband will come round because at the moment he is being a little selfish as this is suppose to be a special time for both of you.

Congratulations on your baby girl!!!

Answer 13

I feel for you but I don't think he is going to walk into that room and look at his brand new little bbay girl and not connect with her on the sense she is a girl...I bet on the big day when daddy finally sees her he is going to be that happiest man alive...

Answer 14

Don't feel bad about it. Expectations about a different s*x for the baby happen much often.

It happened to me also, our second baby was a boy and I already had a boy! I can't tell you the dissapointment I had, as soon as the sonogram showed his genitalia I started crying.. and this lasted maybe 2 weeks!

Needless to say, as soon as I hold this baby in my arms, I knew it was meant to be and he was the most precious thing in the world.

Since I was in the same position as your husband, please don't judge him, has nothing to do with you or the baby, has more do to with one selfs expectations about the "perfect family" we want. He'll love this baby as much as if it was a boy. Trust me, time goes by and as when I speak for myself I remember that day in the doctors office like an almost embarassing thing to cry over the babys s*x.

A year ago, without expecting it, I got pregnant with a girl, but this time, since I had 2 boys, I didn't even found out the s*x! I decided it was almost like peeking inside a Xmas present. The surprise was great and no crying before I saw the little baby's face!

Good luck and enjoy your pregnancy! He too will feel funny months down the road , specially daddys with little girls.. they love themmmm!! be sure of this! Hey also girls can be as much company for daddies as boys, they play every single sport and are so sweet!

Answer 15

aww hun, I feel your pain and I'm so sorry you have to be going through this.

Your husband was probably anticipating a boy, and you need to understand that for some men it's important to have a boy because they want to carry the family name.

Your husband is just upset, and you need to validate his feelings, but explain to him how his behavior hurts you too. Once the baby is born, I promise he will totally change his tune and become and very loving protective daddy.

If it becomes really bad though during pregnancy, then a therapist may be beneficial for him