My husband is abusive towards me?

Question

He has been losing his temper a lot over the last year or so. He has hit me in front of our children and is always shouting and swearing. He always says sorry afterwards and I've given him many chances. Today, he hit my 14-year-old son.

What can I do to make him stop?

Answer 1

Get away from him, or call the police.

It's easy for you to make excuses, but this time he's hit your son as well. That's going more than too far and you can't just do nothing and hope he will stop. There's something not right about him, that's the only way anyone can ever do such a thing. He won't stop doing it on his own no matter what, so you have to do something. Not only is it unfair on you but it's unfair on your kids as well. I grew up watching my Dad beat up my Mum and then had him do it to me as well. My Mum only saw sense when I ended up in hospital because of him.

Don't let it get that far, stop making excuses for him. He doesn't deserve it, so get rid of him any way you can.

Answer 2

He will only stop when you leave him.

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear that but I think you need to leave him. Hitting you is bad enough but hitting your child is a complete other. I know its hard but you need to do whats best for yourself & your children. I mean how many chances are you willing to give. It might be too late next time.

Wish you all the luck

Stay safe xx

Answer 4

You have to take the bull by the horns girl. Sit down with him and tell him thats enough. Suggest anger management ( not tonight ) and go from there. There will be a lot of anger and sorrow tonight so tread carefully.

When you say he hit your 14 year old boy? Is the boy his? What were the reasons? Was drink involved?

My advice for you now is to try and calm things tonight unless you want to go to a friends or hotel but tomorrow morning start solving this problem practically.

I wish you well.

Edit

I appreciate everyone telling you to leave but I feel talking is a better approach than just upping and running. You know better than I.

Answer 5

Honey, that's a horrible thing to happen. I suggest you take your kids to a relatives and you get some counseling and help for yourself that's not fair to you or your poor children! Its always hard to tell someone what to do in a situation like this because we don't know exactly what youre going through.  Prayin for ya!

Answer 6

Send him to jail.  He should have been gone after he hit you the first time.  There would be no way in h**l that he would be around if he hit my child.  That is child abuse and you are allowing it to happen if you don't call the cops.

Answer 7

Unfortunately, you can't do anything to make him stop - its up to him - he has to realize he has a problem and work to correct it.  Since that doesn't seem to be happening - you're only choice to protect yourself and your children is to LEAVE.  I know that sounds harsh, and I'm sure you love him and he seems genuinely sorry afterwards - but it KEEPS HAPPENING!  You can NOT control his actions - only yours.  The only way to make it stop is to be unavailable when he wants something to hit.  Please please please LEAVE - for your children's sake as well as your own.  Not only do they have the right to be safe in their own home, they have the right to not have to see their mother be treated this way.

I know this is hard, but I think you already know in your heart that what is going on is wrong.  Consult family, friends, your religious leader, a shelter or similar program, the local police, whomever you feel comfortable talking to  - you will need help - even if its just a shoulder to cry one.

I wish you and your children the best in this tough time.  Good luck!

Answer 8

You HAVE to leave him and tell him that in order to put the family together you guys need to go to counseling.  Family therapy would be good for all of you.  

Answer 9

leave him NOW. b/c if you dont he is going to keep doing it. and one day he could kill you or the children. i'm just saying this cause it true. about 3-6 months after she gave birth to my niece her husband kept hitting, kicking, and abusing her, and in the middle of the night while she was sleeping he killed her. And i have custody of my neice.

Answer 10

He needs a wake up call, and I'm afraid the only way to really give him one is to leave.  It sounds like he has some issues he needs to work through (especially since you suggested this is a fairly recent problem).

Get yourself and your kids out of the situation, and insist that he get counseling.  Don't let him tell you he can handle this on his own, because he obviously can't!

Answer 11

to make him stop? LEAVE look online for helplines and refuges. yes its easy to say it but do you really want your children to be brought up around a violent bully

Answer 12

You can't make him stop.

Unless you wait for him to go to sleep, and then make sure he never wakes up.

And you can't do that because your son needs his mother.

So, get out of there now.

Whatever it takes get out.

If not for you, and if not for your son, then for your sons future...  He doesn't need to be brought up where he is a witness to this type of abuse - if he does, he just might take a hand to his own wife and kids one day.

The circle will just continue unless YOU stop it.

Do a Googles search for Womens Emergency Groups in your area and GET OUT NOW.

Answer 13

you cant make him stop, he will get the help if he wants to.

Leave him, you cant let him do that to your son, nevermind you!  You are responsible for your sons well being.

Good Luck

Answer 14

The only way to stop him is to leave.  If this will entice you to leave immediately, know that your children could be taken away from you if anyone were to find out about your husband hitting your son.  If you know about it and do nothing to take action, you will receive part of the blame.  I urge you to take the kids, go to a relative or friend's house, and file a report/restraining order with the police at once.  If you don't have family nearby, go to a battered women's shelter.  The police will help locate one for you if you can't find one on your own.  The shelter will provide you and your kids with everything you need until you're able to get on your feet.  

You may not want to believe it, but your husband is dangerous.  I wish you and your kids all the best.  

Answer 15

There is nothing you can do to stop him and for goodness sake, don't start to blame yourself and feel that if you are good, he won't do it.  You are living with a violent man and that is that.  He started off with verbal abuse, then he hit you and now your children.  If someone in the street came up to your son or you and hit you, you would go the police and press charges.  Your husband is no better.  You must leave him for your own sake and the sake of your children.  Your children should be put in a position where they are subject to violence or see their father being violent towards you - for their own immediate safety but importantly for their future development - otherwise they could end up violent too.  For god's sake leave this man NOW.  What he is doing is vile - don't wait until he kills you.  Two women are killed a week by violent partners.  

Answer 16

Leave the azz hole, i dont care how much u love him! i came from a absive family and its a pain in the azz to deal with after words do u really wanna do that to your children!???

Answer 17

i fled domestic violence 3 years ago after putting up with for 10 years, i constantly hoped he would change but he didnt, it is all very well people telling you to leave but you can only do that when you ready, if you want some good advice visit http://www.womensaid.org.uk/ you can always email me if you want to talk about your options or just even to chat, thinking of you and hope you stay safe x

Answer 18

I know it may seem so hard or impossible but you need to get yourself and your children out of that situation. Try and move out, go with your parents or if you can afford an apartment, move out. I grew up being beaten by my dad and that is the worst to have ever happenned to me. Abuse will affect children forever, and you and your children don't deserve that. You all deserve better.

Answer 19

It had to take him hitting your son to make you want him to stop. What are you teaching you children? I hope you don't have daughters. It is time to walk and if can't walk then hit him back. You owe it to your children that they be in a safe environment and you being abused in front of them is not a safe environment.

Answer 20

In my oppion you should either leave him or have a long talk with him if he loses his temper and hits you or your son, you should defiantly leave him hope I've helped :]

x

Answer 21

he WON'T stop, the fact you've gave him so many chances, he clearly thinks he can get away with it, what if he takes it too far (well, even further) one day? could you live with it? not only do you need to leave him for yourself, but for your children, you all deserve more than him for a sorry excuse of a man..

Answer 22

I agree, leave him, at least temporarily so he can get his act together, if not permanently. You can't force him to stop. Also suggest to him he takes an anger management class or something.

Answer 23

Get away as fast as you can. Find somewhere to go, like a relatives house. Contact the Women's aid or. Just get out of there.

Answer 24

Dont give him any more chances. Take your children and run. Go to a relative. Get out. Dont look back . He has to change himself.  You cant make him change.

Answer 25

phone the police, for him to do that, he is a coward, you deserve much better, AND SO DO YOUR KIDS

Answer 26

You have to leave.  Do you want your 14 year old son learning that is acceptable, so he abuses his kids and wife later?

Answer 27

get the kids and get the h**l out of there

Answer 28

The only way he will stop hitting you and your family is if you never see him again. Leave immediately and contact the police if he comes near you again.

Answer 29

You are going to find this difficult but you condone all his actions when you stay around.

The way to stop it is take off and seek help or protection from this coward. You've been too kind already so it's time to think about your welfare and happiness.

Do it! The link may help with advice and some encouragement.

Good luck.