My husband is afraid to have his kids in his home because of his ex's accusations, please help!?

Question

My husband's ex hates my husband, she's been trying to ruin his life for 8 years. They have 2 girls together and we used to have them in our home 50% of the time. His ex says horrible things to the kids about my husband, she told them that daddyy didn't love them, that he only had joint custody because he didn't want to pay child support, etc. BTW he still pays child support. Anyway, she told the kids all the details of their dad's affair ( she forgot to mention that she cheated too) and how their father disrespected her when they were married. 4 months ago she called the cops on my husband and accused him of child abuse. My husband would never abuse his kids, he loves them very much. She couldn't prove anything and he wasn't charged with child abuse. But after that day my husband is afraid of being around the kids, we only see them once a month. He says that he is afraid that the next thing his ex is going to do is accuse him of molesting his kids. He talked to the lawyer and according to the lawyer we shouldn't have the kids in our home for a while. What can we do about the situation? I want the girls to come to our place as often as they used to but my husband is against it. He says he will only see the girls in public places but he doesn't seem to want to do that either. I feel like he is losing his daughters. Now the kids are upset with him, they feel rejected.

Answer 1

If your husband is doing no wrong then he should be seeing his kids in the home or wherever.  I think that lawyer of his is wrong.  He needs to hire a better one.  He should seek counseling for him and his ex to sort out differences.  He should take the initiative and ask the ex if she would like to participate.  She is just hurting the kids if the Dad isn't doing anything to them.  

Answer 2

Your husband is trying to protect himself and you and that is totally understandable. He needs to play his cards right and do EXACTLY what his lawyer tells him to do. You cannot do much about his girls being upset. They will hopefully find out the truth about their mother and understand their father's actions one day and than your husband and his kids can work on repairing their relationship, which unfortunately is changed forever. I would see if your husband can work on suing his ex for slander and defamation of character. It is hard to prove, but it will put her through the mill! Is there a social worker involved? If there is they may be able to help get your husband back together with his girls. I am not clear as to why he is only able to see them once a month. Is that by choice or a court order? Either way, your husband is going to have the music at some point with his girls. Avoiding them is not healthy for them and he needs to be there for them to explain the situation and to reassure them. His ex had no grounds as to her accusations so he shouldn't fear her accusing him of molestation. That will only make her look foolish. BTW, this woman sounds unstable. I think he should consider trying to get full custody of the girls when this is all over.

Answer 3

Wow.....what a mess.....well last summer my husband's ex told their daughter that "daddy was trying to steal her from her mommy"......well now she is afraid to stay with us.....it broke his heart....she is evil...but it sounds to me like the thing to do is family counseling...just your husband you and the kids...that way someone is aware of what is really going on if the state ever tries to get involved....that is what we are doing and it seems to be helping she has stayed 3 times now and we are doing much better....I hope this helps...but he is right to be worried....some women are really evil...good luck

Answer 4

Follow your lawyer's guidance.  This obviously is not the children's fault but unfortunately they have a shark for a mother who is hungry for revenge.

Do not risk your husband's name, reputation and honor for your wants and desires.  Don't think for a second that him not seeing his girls is not tearing him up inside, as much as it is you, if not more.  

If I were you, I would ask the lawyer if you two could use the information from the false child abuse claims against her in court, to possibly better your custody situation.  Ask if her saying these awful things about your husband can be used against her, since her words are also a form of child abuse, as they pit the girls exactly in the middle of their parents' war.

Good luck, but seek more legal help to get these girls away from this woman.

Answer 5

He needs to contact CPS about the false allegations.

It is a CRIME to make false allegations.

She will continue to cause wreckage if he allows her to.

Buy a digital recorder, start documenting and take this woman to court because she is abusing the kids with this constant bad mouthing.

Be smart - and fight back. DO NOT let that b*tch alienate him from his kids!

Good luck.

Answer 6

Of course the children feel rejected.  I have heard and seen so many situations like this.  One spouse can get over the other so their goal in life is to destroy them...

The problem is your husband is playing the victom he is allowing her to do this and this is going to make for a horrible bed he has made later in life.  He needs to maintain his visits with his daughter or they will become angry with him and listen to everything she says.  If he is not abusing them girls (and I am sure he isn't) then there is nothing to worry about there are to many red flags for abuse it would show, and the fact that he is not would show too...  

Answer 7

what your husband should do is go over to his ex's house with someone with him as a witness and bring his daughters something so they don't feel rejected. And make SURE that they get it because if you hand it to the mother then she may do something underhanded like not give them the gifts. Then tell your husband if he doesn't want them over at the house that you should have them during the day like go some where and return them at night. Your husband shouldn't be afraid of going with his daughters in public places. Then try to figure out another custody thing mean while with your lawyer. and make sure you save everything that has to do with you supporting them. like dance lessons if they take them child support all that. But first make sure the kids still know you care.  

Answer 8

well have supervised visits...then if the ex says anything, your husband hasnt been around the kids alone..

Answer 9

get a new lawyer who can help advice you on how to colect proof on her, then take her to court to get full custody based on her not being stabile and such are not fit to have the kids

simple as that, turn table and she looses out, probably needing suprevised visitation as well

oh and btw kids aint stupid, give them the other side of the story in a nice polite maner, and they will be able to make up their own mind

Answer 10

Your husband is smart, because he knows that his ex-wife is angry and will do whatever she can to make trouble.

The important thing is that your husband talks with his daughters once they are old enough to understand.  Even if they are young, it is important that he be in their life to influence them positively and say things like, "it is unkind to say bad things about other people".  

Yes, he had an affair and disrespected his wife during their marriage.  You can see why that would make her angry.  She is going to have to live with herself for trying to instill such poison in her daughter's minds, but, keep in mind that she just sees it as "protecting" them or telling them the truth.

No matter his fears, he likely desires to 1) be a part of his girls' lives and 2) have them not hate him.  Staying away from them is only going to make their relationship less strong, but at the same time, respect his feelings about only wanting to gather in public places.  He knows what his ex-wife is capable of, and he doesn't want to lose his children "for good".  If the girls are old enough, it is important that he talk with them - with you present since you are a woman and can "witness" everything if necessary to defend him - even on a simple level so that they understand he loves them very much.

They won't know how he feels until he tells them, and his not telling them in an angry, accusatory way (that his ex has) will really make his girls respect him over time.

Answer 11

I think that if you don't see the children for awhile, it's makes you look guilty. Bring those girls over to visit as often as you can.