My husband is being hard to talk to.....?

Question

My husband and I have been TTC for a year now. We are normally so good about communicating and talking things out. Tonight I tried to talk to him about how I feel about all the difficulties we have been having and he told me "don't you think this is hard on me too? You need to stop looking at the negative all the time and think positive. Quit thinking the worse". It is like he won't even let me be upset about the surgeries I have to go through. I have not been told yet that I can't have a baby, but I have to do surgery and a few investigative procedures to find out what is going on. I am hoping for the best, but I am also preparing for the worst. I don't know why he can't just be upset with me and why he has to push away my feelings of being scared and sad. He says, "don't worry it will be fine". I'm upset, I'm scared and I feel so alone. I feel like he is being so insensitive to my feelings. Anyone offer any advise?

Answer 1

Let him know exactly that - he might feel that he has to be the stronger of the two instead of having two hysterical people.

Answer 2

I understand. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for a year now too. Whenever I get upset, like when my period comes, he gets very defensive. He always tells to me just relax or we can do things differently next month. Or he tells me what we did wrong this month, whether it is timing or whatever. But I honestly do not think that he is being insensitive, even though it may seem that way. I think that he is just hurting too and does not know how to explain it. I think as women since we carry the children, we sometimes forget that it does hurt the man as well. They want to have children as badly as we do. They also may feel like they are not doing their jobs, since we can't get pregnant. Just be patient and understand that this is so stressful. There are nights that my husband and I will not be able to discuss this and other nights that we can talk all night. Just relax and let this work it's self out. Do not push him away!

Answer 3

That's the difference between men and women. Women listen to each other, offer a shoulder to cry on, and tell one another we understand and care. For men, when they feel like they can't fix something it is very difficult for them. Your husband probably feels like he cannot fix this and therefore sharing his feelings is difficult. Deep down (whether he likes to admit it or not) he blames himself because he can't find a way to fix the situation. Instead of doing what a woman would do (listen to you, cry with you, and hug you) he's just telling you that it will be okay because it's the only way he knows how to fix the problem.

Explain to him; look, I know neither you or I can fix this but I just wish you would just listen to my feelings because I'm very sad. I know you are too.

See what he says. Maybe he'll open up.

Otherwise, you can always talk to your girlfriends and people ttc on here. We're all here to help.