My husband is constantly hanging out with 2 girls who are suppose to be my friends?

Question

My husband who I have been married to for a year and a half, and have been with for about 5 years has lately been hanging out with these 2 single girls. One of the girls use to date his best friend and that's how he knows her. The other one is just a girl I've kinda known for a while but recently became friends. I've told the other girl, we'll call her Judy, that I have a real problem with them spending so much time together. I've got in her face, screamed but I never hit her. I told her she spends more time with my husband than I do. Both girls have promised me they would never do anything to him and wouldn't do that to me. Well, these past 2 nights my husband hasn't came home from work due to a fight we kinda have. I have major depression due to my mom's cancer and some legal charges going on for the past 3 years. So I sleep alot and I don't have a job because I try to take care of my mom. And I haven't cleaned our house lately and it's a wreck. Well, he has a real problem with that. He hasn't came home from work in 2 days and every night he has been at the other girls house, we'll call her Anna. Anna and Judy are both best friends. He never hardly invites me out there with him, maybe a few times. But these past two nights he hasn't called or anything. I drove by the girls house tonight and his truck was there and nobody would answer the door, they might have been asleep. I'm on my edge here. My brothers and my dad do not understand why I'm still with him because he makes me cry all the time about this. I've lost about 10 lbs in the past 2 weeks due to lost of appetite and not eating..I just want some advice on what to do. This closeness between my husband and "Judy" is really bothering me. He takes up for her more than me. Like, if I yell at her or get mad at her or insult her behind her back, he gets mad at me because to him she's a really good friend. What should I do? Should I leave him or try to talk to him, or what? Please help! I'm on my end here and please no rude comments. I know I'm stupid.

Answer 1

I understand why he's gotten down and doesn't want to be at home.  I hope you're getting your depression treated.  However, if he was a mature adult and in for the long haul, he'd be working harder to support you at this tough time in your life. After all, on down the road it could be him who needs it.  Sometimes marriages go through periods when, because of what's going on with one partner, things just can't be 50-50.  If he wants the house cleaned up so bad, he could do it.  Not that you should take advantage of this.  It doesn't give you permission not to try your best to be a good partner as well.

Do NOT make things worse by going off and taking off with other men.  You need to take care of yourself and your mother.  You don't have time to get dragged down into mind games.  If you did, you'd have time to do something more constructive.  If it were me, I'd stick to doing the things I have to do, let him get into whatever messes he wants to, and deal with the marriage later.  

Be a strong woman.

Answer 2

I think you need to take some pictures of his truck being there. I think you need to keep a log of what he does with them. And I think you need to go to your family for support and start divorce with grounds being alienation of affection and adultry. Before you do that, you need to make sure you have your hands on the money and someplace to go.

Use your head - think it through - keep your emotions in check.  

Answer 3

A husband who spends nights with your friends just bcoz you haven't cleaned the house is not worth your love! He needs to clean his heart first.Friends indeed. If these two girls were really your frnds,then they wud hav convinced him to come back to you and wud not hav  let him stay at their houses for two nights at a stretch,without even bothering to inform you. You are better off without him,lady! No matter how much you love him,the pain he's gonna give you for being together will be much worse than the pain you'll hav to bear during seperation.

Answer 4

My wife of 20 years died of brain cancer died about two and a half years ago. I cared for her every day through the last year of her life and she died at home. I think I therefore have some idea of some of the pressures you're feeling.

Others - mainly women, it seems - have responded to your question of whether your husband is being unfaithful by saying that it's obvious that he is. You say that the women involved claim that they are not having s*x with your man and he says he is not having s*x with either of them. Since you're unable to be certain whether this is the truth, it's obviously impossible for any of us here to say one way or the other.

It seems to me (and my partner, who has herself had a prolonged period of depression) that the main thing you should be focusing on right now is trying to get through your depression. From what you say, it sounds to me like I would not be very happy spending time at home with you if I was your husband. For that matter, it sounds like YOU are not very happy spending time at home with yourself.

In an ideal world, spouses would always be there for each other, no matter how bad things get, no matter how long the bad times last. In reality, we're all human and we all have our limits. It appears that your husband has hit one of his.

Depression is horrible to have, but it's also dreadful and painful to watch someone you love sink into the black depths and for you to know that there's really not much you can do to help her rise again.

Please seek help with your depression. The future of your relationship with your husband seems questionable, but what I am certain about is that you remaining depressed is not going to do anything positive on that front. And, even if you and he are no longer together in a few months, if you have dealt with your feelings of worthlessness, you will be in a much better position to face starting a new life alone.

Answer 5

Okay, real red flags here. It's obviously not so easy for you to just leave him, because you love him. But it does not sound good. I doubt your husband is just friends with these women. And really, you went to the door and he didn't answer and you're okay with thinking he was asleep? Do you really think that is normal for your husband to be asleep at a woman's house? I'm sorry you are going through so much with your mom. But that doesn't mean you should allow your husband to be doing these things with these women. Don't get mad at the women. Your husband is his own person. And he is not there for you right now when you need him. He should not be hanging out with other women when you are going through so much on your own. He should be by your side.

If you're not ready to leave him right now, no one can make you. But you have to be ready to do that.  And you do have to ask yourself why you are okay with him treating you this way. There is probably a 99% chance he is cheating on you. No, make that 99.9% chance. So ask yourself why you are okay with this? I know you love him. But sometimes we love people that are not good for us. And you have to love yourself more, than to put up with how he is treating you. Don't let him convince you he is friends with these women. No man would come out and admit they're cheating. But he is. And let's even pretend he wasn't cheating. He surely isn't behaving in a way any married man should be. How would he felt if you were at a man's house and didn't come home? He'd be flipping out. He is not treating you with the respect you deserve. And what you need to do is ask yourself why you are okay with this. You can't make him treat you better. Only he can want to do that on his own. All you can do is stop putting up with it. Good luck.  

Answer 6

Sorry gal but i think u dont deseve this talk to him en say if he does again u will leave,its so hurting that he can even sleep with a friend of yours he seems a cheater just be careful we are in the world of aids so plz just leave er make him change,pray en God will change him

Answer 7

Forget those two women. You must address this with your husband. Have a conversation about how this is effecting you and that you want it to stop. He must be the one to tell bot of those women he doesn't want to hang out with them.  

Answer 8

If it really bothers you and your not willing to tolerate it.  Leave him and those so called friends of yours.

Answer 9

Oo-oo... i think ur husband is cheating on u.. u had a problems and he slept at those two girls home? he should beside u to get through whatever ur facing right now, but he didnt! what a bas***d! Sorry to say... get all the evidence that u need before anything happen... and yeah, ur right. he should come to u to talk this things between u two, but he didnt...

Answer 10

First- you mentioned that you haven't hit her. Don't do that- it will add to your problems. Also don't call yourself stupid. There are enough people that will do that in the world. You have to weigh out weather having him is making your life better or worse. I think you are better off without him.