My husband is constantly on the phone with his children (my step kids) he is very stressed and very tired. I

Question

I am worried about his health. He is very stressed from constantly on the phone with his adult children. One of them is an alcoholic and is always in trouble. He has bailed him out of jail, and everything else possible. I think he is enabeling him. Does anyone have any suggestions? Please help

Answer 1

Thats what parents do.

Answer 2

Would you feel differently if they were your kids and not your step kids?

When someone has to state (step kid) it already implies something in my opinion. Also do you have kids? I don't care if my child was and adult or not, I would do all I could to help them. At some point it can become enabling, but to me you sound annoyed by your step child, as a step parent you should be concerned as well, and that has not came across what so ever in your question. And I guarantee you he has stress from other aspects in his life other than his children even if they are adding to it.

Answer 3

Best suggestion is to leave him alone to talk to his children who clearly need him because they have problems

Answer 4

Alcoholism is a family disease. The disease affects all those who have a relationship with a problem drinker. Those closest to the alcoholic suffer the most, and those who care the most can easily get caught up in the behavior of another person. We react to the alcoholic's behavior. We focus on them, what they do, where they are, how much they drink. We try to control their drinking for them. We take on the blame, guilt, and shame that really belong to the drinker. We can become as addicted to the alcoholic, as the alcoholic is to alcohol. We, too, can become ill.

The term "co-dependence" was created in the 1970's when it became clear that the loved ones of substance abuse addicts were also suffering terribly, in some ways even more than the addicts themselves! The anguish comes about because of the internal conflict to help stop the pain of your addicted loved one, while at the same time trying not to perpetuate the addiction (which is called enabling).

Point your husband to a support group such as Al-Anon or obtain reading materials on co-dependence.

Answer 5

i have had this problem with my brother he was also an adult at the time but he has got mental illness he has problems that you wouldn't even imagine could be a problem he often wanted to kill himself i spent most of my time on the phone to him it caused me great stress and upset in the end i ended up in a worse state then him with anxiety i ended up on anti depressants but for some reason even though it made me ill i just felt i had to ring him i couldn't settle if i didn't this continued for years till i fell pregnant for my babies sake i couldn't listen to him anymore but luckily since i got preg he has completely changed its almost as if hes found a purpose in life now my child is born hes the best uncle my son could ever wish for. your husband can't win on this one if he stops ringing he will spend most of his time anxious wondering what his son is up to but if he rings hes going to be upset from hearing his sons problems

Answer 6

he needs to put his foot down on his kids. they put them self's in that poss ion let them get them self's out. whats gonna happen when daddy is gone he wont be their to bail him out again.

Answer 7

do you have kids of your own? what would you do if they where in trouble of any kind and needed you? you would be there. as parents it's hard to turn your back on your child no matter how much trouble they are in you can't help it . it's just unconditional love. just tell him that you feel he is starting to stress because of his children's problems tell him to find something that will help him relax. telling him to ignore his children may push you out the door I don't think any parent will put their child second. you have to be understanding it's his children and he loves them.

Answer 8

WHAT.THEY ARE HIS KIDS.WHO ARE U TO SAY ITS TO MUCH....HOW DARE YOU.HIS KIDS COME FIRST NOT YOU.

IM SURE IF HE WERE SICK OF IT HE WOULD STOP ON HIS OWN. YOU NEVER STOP BEING A PARENT.

Answer 9

Until your husband makes the choice to put his foot down and stop enabling his children there is nothing you can do. You could try being a support and listening to husband spew his stress without you adding emotional responses but that is extremely hard for most people to do.

Answer 10

I understand your concern, his health and ultimately your own.  If he becomes ill from too much stress and worry, you are the one who will have to take care of him.  Yes they are his children but they are also grown and forgive me for saying so selfish.  They have not considered how unfair they are being to constantly bring their problems to him when they should be at this point taking care of their own problems.  Unfortunately, should he become overwhelmed by their problems, they may be the kind who are too busy to give him the help he needs because they figure you are there.  I hope this in not the case though.  All you can do is try to keep yourself as stress free as possible by not dwelling on what could happen and try not to add to his stress by arguing over it.  By the same token, being his WIFE (which should come before GROWN kids) and for your own sanity, make sure your needs are met before those of GROWN kids.

Do you see my pattern here folks?  The operative word is GROWN.  I don't care whose kids they are.  A "climax" should not be the beginning of misery for the rest of your life!