My husband is having an affair and wants a divorce.I am still deeply in love with him.What should I do ?

Question

We still live together,but he won't allow himself to do things with me or have any fun with me.He gives me no affection and no comfort.I am deeply devastated.I can't seem to make myself to hate him and leave him.I don't know what to do.Married only 18 months.

Answer 1

 

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Answer 2

my heart goes out to u sweetie. love is strong but always remeber to LOVE YOURSELF MORE!!!!! 18 months is a short time to begin infidelity. was he doing this b4 marriage?

Answer 3

You are in denial, and that is not a river in Africa.   Depending on the state in which you live, there is not much you can do if your husband wants a divorce.  All he has to do is file and the process is started.

It takes two to make a marriage, only one to destory it.

Answer 4

OK, if your willing to stay you need to address your self esteem issues. I found out that my ex-husban was having affairs and I stayed, thought that I could get past it. He made promises. And less than three months later, did it again. He is not getting something he needs, it may be your insecurities that are in your way.

I was nice, kind, flexible, forgiving, Loving and thought I was being the easy one to get along with. Many years later I realized it was my insecurities that kept me in the relationship.

boxedhad a friend that made a good statement, he noted that his daughter married someone and had the same realtirelationshiphe shared with his wife. He aske haskedaughter, why did you marry someone that you were not happy with, it made him think; did I set the example for my children to live in a lovelelovelessirelationshipThink about it, long term can you live without love?

Answer 5

Move out .He cheated on you !! He will cheat on her.Do some soul searching ,do you want to live life this way?  

Answer 6

There is nothing you can do. He is not in love with you and you can't change that. It will be hard, but it is time to file the divorce papers and move on.

Answer 7

how can you even THINK of staying with this man??

OBVIOUSLY he has NO respect or love for you.

how can you love someone who doesn't love you back, and even think of staying with a man who cheats.

Answer 8

god takes you through things to prepare you for the next......... i would suggest counseling through your church if both parties are willing to work things out but he seems to have made up his mind so pray for god to work this out and he will guide you in the right direction GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS

Answer 9

Get all the courage you have in the world and LEAVE HIM  (or better yet, get him out of your house.) People deserve to be with people who really love them.  Make a point to surround yourself only with people who really love you. Avoid co-dependent relationships where you give everything and get very little in return.  Little by little your world will change.  

Answer 10

you don't have to hate him, but you need to let it go and move on. get yourself some counseling if you feel it will be difficult, b/c you'll just be inviting yourself to more heartache, believe me.Even though he's physically around, you can't leave someone that has already left you emotionally.

Answer 11

what a jerk! Leave him! He doesn;t deserve it!

Answer 12

aw i'm really sorry.  

Answer 13

let him go...he already gave up on you and the marriage..im sorry but it sounds like even counseling is out of the question...

just get the divorce and move on with your life..find someone that will love you and treat u with the respect you deserve..

take time for yourself and get your life back on track before getting into another relationship first though..

good luck

Answer 14

picture him and her together doing the deed,picture everything he is doing to her. replay it over and over in your head. then start ignoring him and get yourself fixed up and leave him in the house alone. the less he sees of you and the less you need from him the more he will wonder about what your up to. at least you found out what kind of a husband he was early instead of years down the line. he will cheat on her too. sounds like he cant be happy with just one woman. stop doing anything for him. let her do it or make him do for himself. he has the best of both worlds right now, two women wanting him. show him youve moved on,even if you havent. stop being his door mat.

Answer 15

It takes two people to make a realtionship work and it's obvious that he is not willing to make it work. You can't make him do something that he is not willing to do ( not trying to be mean but sounds to me that you make your point clear that he is not willing ) Give him wht he wants and get the divorce, it can only get worse. Good Luck  

Answer 16

what!!?? are you serious? get away from him, and tell him where to stick it! do you have low esteem issues or what? i wouldnt ever stay with a man like that!

Answer 17

My heart goes out to you, I'm so sorry you are going through this, it can be very difficult. The same thing happened to me and I almost ended in the nut house. As hard as this may sound, leaving him is what seems that needs to happen. It took me a long time to get over that situation, I won't lie to you, but I did get over it. He seems to be done with the relationship and your are only harming yourself by staying. Move on sweetie..and good luck

Answer 18

You have only been married for 18 months & look at his track record:

He's having an affair

        won't do anything with you

        wants a divorce

        but still lives with you...why???

I think you do know what to do, you just can't make yourself face it. If his behavior is so awful so soon, imagine what it will be like  in another few years. Do you really want to have a family with this man? It will hurt, but you will eventually be so much better off...just divorce him. Let him go, In the end, it will be his loss & your gain. Better to find out now than years down the road. Be strong! Good luck!

Answer 19

Oh i am so sorry to hear what u are going through hun, all u can do in this situation is let go, its so sad to know that u guys weren't even married for that long and its over, are u sure there aren't any thing more u can do to save it, will he be opt to going to counselling at all, if not then there's nothing that u can do, but let it go.Sorry to hear that though!

Answer 20

Wow. If he's not going to budge AT ALL then give him the divorce. Yes, it's painful. Yes, you still love him. But a marriage takes two people and he's not in it anymore. But make sure you get a good lawyer and take him for alot honey. He's the one at fault if you can prove he was having that affair. Good luck!

Now what I would do: I would stay married to the SOB til he's old and gray. I believe in marriage 100%. And there's no way in h**l the old coot would get out of it that easily.

Answer 21

First Step, find an attorney.

Second step, put him out on the street.

Third Step,  make a new life for yourself.

Fourth Step,  Find something that you enjoy doing and go do it.  Life is much too short to waste your time with people that aren't going to care for your feelings.

Answer 22

run away before he completely ruins your life!! If you've been married only for 18 months you must still be quite young so it won't be that difficult finding someone BETTER who actually DESERVES and NEEDS and above all LOVES and RESPECTS you..I know it sounds hard but YOU CAN DO IT!

Good luck!

Answer 23

Apparently he was cheating before y'all said "I Do" But WAKE UP, MOVE ON. Give him the divorce -that is the break out point to FREEDOM & INDEPENDENCE. You don't need a man to live your life, be deeply in love with yourself. Let karma do him in. live your life -it's too short to be missing out on your blessing(s).!.

Answer 24

Leave his ***. He's having an affair with some s**t and you made a miscalculation about his character. Apparently he has major flaws.

He won't be affectionate with you because he is using it up on his mistress. What should you do? Kick him out and divorce him, tell his family why.

Answer 25

*pinch*

WAKE UP!

Answer 26

Hey he has moved away in his heart, love him all you want, it will not change how he feels, and most likely you will only get used some more.

Give him the divorce, take a little time to heal, maybe a month anyway, then go on the internet and start shopping around.  Easy way to get over an old love is a new love, at least you will be getting the affection you craze and have been denied.

You he comes back he will only cheat again, at least he told you straight up he wanted out.  

Answer 27

Get the divorce before you become something you will not like..

Answer 28

Why stay married to a man who cant be faithful and shows no affection.

I understand you love him but he apparently doesn't love and respect you enough to stay faithful.

You need to divorce this man cause you dont deserve to be treated this way.

Answer 29

I am sorry you are having this painful experience.  He seems to be the kind of person you would not want to make a life with-- if you can, try to appreciate that his character became clear to you so early in the marriage.

Let him go.  There will be better chances for you in the future.  If he changes his mind again and wants to come back,  DON'T let him.

Find a friend or counselor to talk to about your devastated feelings, you need some emotional support to go through this painful time.  Try to think of what is best for you and take good care of yourself.

Answer 30

my heart goes out to you!!...i too am going thru a similar situation and i can tell you what im doing. I've put the whole matter in God's hands because only HE has the power to make any thing like this change. My husband needs to first surrender his heart back to Jesus, as he turned his back on God about a year ago....thats when all the problems started. God is in control of the situation and it is only thru HIM that i have any peace. He tells me to wait and be patient because HE doesnt believe in divorce. My husband hasnt yet committed adultery in real life, all his infidelity has occurred on the internet, so its not physical, but it is very much mental and emotional adultery. Again, its all under God's watchful eye, so I take comfort in the fact that God is watching out for me and has a plan. I dont know what that plan is, but with continuous prayer, reading my Bible and attending my church all the time, I am learning to be yielded to the Lord. In the end, I am convinced that God will take care of me and allow only HIS divine will to work out and take place. God is in the miracle business and He will allow things to happen in my life that are only in HIS will. So i take comfort in knowing that I dont have to do anything except just trust in HIM and have faith that HE will work it all out for the very best. The future is yet to come, God knows how i feel about my husband and how I feel about divorce, so I take great joy in knowing that God has the best for me and it is yet to come. All i have to do is be patient and wait. God may choose to restore the marriage or He may chose to give me a new and different life without my husband, but whatever it is, it will definitely be the LORD's doing and I go with whatever that is; right smack dab in the  middle of God's will. I pray the same for you my friend - that you too can find Jesus and trust in him in all ways and then get that peace that HE so very much wants to give you.

Answer 31

It is really hard to handle rejection,  He has cheated on you and  will not commit any affection to you.   I know this is very hard to do but either he has to leave  or you must.  don't keep waiting for him to come back to you, he will use you and then you are just a door mat.  find yourself a counsolor and start thearpy.  good luck

Answer 32

Give him his divorce. You can do better than him.