My husband is not affectionate, what should I do?

Question

We have 3 kids 15, 10, & 3.. When we go out he is not affectionate at all, he doesn't hold my hand, hardly speaks to me unless its about the kids. When we go out with our other married couple friends, they seem to be affectionate to each other, either by holding hands, husband putting arms around wife waist, not my husband he just stands there, where I feel uncomfortable and walk away. The only time he is affectionate is when we are making love, wow, its amazing! Am I over reacting.

Answer 1

not at all!!!   You'd better have a serious talk with him.  Life is too short to be miserable in a marriage.  If all else fails, tell him that if he doesn't do it, someone else will

Answer 2

dont do what my wife is doing to me she want a divorce because i dont show her affection

Answer 3

some people just are not affectionate in public...  if you want affection, grab his A$$, lol!

put YOUR hand around him, perhaps he will do the same back =)

Others, get turned on VERY easily, I am thinking he does not want to walk around in public with a hard on from you, lol!  so, be careful what you grab in public, lol!  =)

Then again, maybe your husband thinks YOU are not affectionate...

Make a move...see what he does..., if that does not work, TALK to HIM  =)

but, respect him if he does not want to show affection in public.  =)

Mary

Answer 4

no you are not over reacting maybe you should talk to him about it first to see what's on his mind.  He might be at a point in the marriage where he just comfortable but i understand how him being that way can affect you.

Answer 5

You're not overreacting, but you're not doing anything to help the situation, either.  Why have you not talked to your husband about this?  I mean in a mature way - don't nag him or put him down.

Try sitting him down and explaining that it bothers you that your relationship seems to have no intimacy or affection.  Ask him why he doesn't even show you affection by holding your hand or putting his arms around you.  You may be surprised - maybe he's just not very big on PDA, or maybe he didn't think you'd enjoy it.  I'm sure if you explain to your husband that you'd be happier and feel more connected to him if he had a more personal, intimate, affectionate relationship with him then he'll be more than happy to begin doing so.

Answer 6

Are you specifically talking about public display of affection or he's not affectionate towards you at home either..?

Answer 7

Maybe you should try reteaching him how to be affectionate.  My husband is almost the same way.  I love to kiss in public simple kisses, and hug and he doesnt like to soo much. He feels that what he feels for me is private and not a show for everyone to enjoy.  He holds my hand and kisses me on the forehead but the real affection starts at home.  Take baby steps, kisses on the cheek and holding hands maybe he feels the same about you.

Good Luck

Answer 8

Maybe, some men don't hold hands I don't,I feel it is how I treat a woman that tells her how, Iask and valjue her opinion, giive everrything to her, try to help her achieve her life goals etc.Any one can put his hand around your waist plus we have hot monkey s*x for 3 hours every week.

Answer 9

let him Be! He is that way.

if you still want to do something:

tell him that you Love him , but you will love him more if he hold your hands  more often in from of people. once you accomplish that ;tell him that that you will love him more, if he putt his arm around you and you will do something "SPECIAL" for him as reward.

Answer 10

Because you are his wife, I think you should tell him how you feel but remember, not every husband likes to hold hands in public.

Answer 11

NO! you are NOT over reacting! We are like too be touched and have other couples see this.....

actually my husband is the same way!

He won't kiss me in public....I can play along....sometimes I will just grab his hand and hold it.Or surprise him with a peck on the cheek or mouth whatever! LOL He is always complaining he has too make the first move when it comes too s*x, well.........Is it, he might be ashamed of me?

I don't know I can NOT figure men out!

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 12

Has he always been this way? If so, why is this all of a sudden bothering you now? If this is something relatively new, have there been any major changes in your life lately? He could just be having a mid life crisis. Talk to him about it. Maybe he doesn't even realize that he is being 'cold' towards you.  

Answer 13

Your problem might be helped by communication. However if he was always this way, it might take time to get him to change. It should be natural for him to show his feelings and affection towards you. If you have known this all this time, it means you have to work on him if you want the answer to this problem solved. We can't change your husband, and the only one who has an impact on him is you. No body else can do anything with him on affection. Receiver and giver kind of thing just like the lovemaking which you claim he does offer more in affection. You need to transpose that to everyday life and when out with him in the community and with friends. Start working on him ever chance you get. See if he becomes more giving in his affection or not. I can't believe you don't know him that well. With 3 kids and over the years of marriage? I wish I was even more affectionate, but ever wife is different. She is content with my efforts otherwise I would have heard about by now....... (lol)  

Answer 14

How does he react in public if you show affection to him? He just stands there, and then you WALK AWAY? He probably thinks you are walking away because you don't want to be affectionate!

If you were to try and hold his hand, and he pulled away, that's one thing. To stand there wondering *why he doesn't take my hand* and then getting upset with HIM for not, is silly. You ARE allowed to initiate affection you know... show him you like it.  

Answer 15

NO,  nothing  is wrong with  you  ,then  you  be  the  one  to  initiate.and  keep  at  it  and  tell  him  what  you  always  feel.....

Do  things  that  he  like  and  make  him  fall  in  love  with  you  all  over  again,think   of the  things  he  likes  about  you  .

Answer 16

Don't push him to be affectionate. Do stuff with him that will set a spark in your relationship and you will see a change in him.

Answer 17

Was he affectionate when you started dating?  If so, then sit and talk to him and say you'd like for things to be more like when you started dating.  If not, some counseling may be in order so that he can see what you really need.  Maybe he's just a guy and doesn't really know how to show it....so teach him.  Just don't be attacking about it.  Good luck!

Answer 18

No I'd feel bad too.  Maybe you should talk to him about it and perhaps couple's therapy may help too

Answer 19

Talk to him.

Answer 20

smile at some guys who smile at you then he will realize why he married you, sometimes things get stagnated, this is a quick charge,  

Answer 21

No, you need to speak with him though and really make him listen.  This problem was the start of bigger issues for me and my soon to be ex. Because I didn't talk to him seriously about it things soon got out of control and now we are divorcing!  So, I say get him to listen to you. Good luck!

Answer 22

If this is a recent event, then something fundamental has changed and you need to talk to him.  

Answer 23

Are you over reacting? Well, it depends. Has your husband always been this way or is this just recently? If he has always been this way then this is who he is. You will have to be the one to be affectionate to help him get out of that shell of his. On the other hand, if he has been affectionate in the past and all of a sudden he changed, then you have a problem. He either has deep anger, disappointment or resentment and is not being open about it. If this is the case you need to talk to him about why he lacks affection for you. I can understand how this makes you feel. I for one am very affectionate and so is my husband. Just a touch, or hand holding, a hug can go a long way for me. This is something you and your husband need to resolve.  

Answer 24

Did he used to be very affectionate and has now changed? Or has he always been like this? If he's always been like this, I think the real problem here is that you're comparing yourself to other couples. You're not them, you're you, so don't try to "live up to" what you see other couples doing. Some people just aren't comfortable with public displays of affection, and there's nothing inherently wrong with that. Be happy with that you have rather than comparing yourselves to someone else.

If this is a new thing, you might want to explore his reasons for being newly unaffectionate and perhaps seek counseling, but I have a feeling that he's always been like this, so it's probably unrealistic to expect him to go from being uncomfortable with public displays of affection to hanging all over you in front of your friends.

Answer 25

Was he affectionate when you two were dating?  As far as holding hands, etc?  If not, what did you expect him to change?  If he was and he changed, you should ask him why.  You are doing something that is destined to ruin your husband.  Instead of asking him, you are asking us, people that know nothing about him or your relationship.  Never stop communicating with your husband.  I tell my husband how i feel about everything, the good the bad and the ugly and he does the same to me.  He doesn't know unless you tell him that his lack of affection is a problem.  Tell your hubby and see what happens next.

Answer 26

If he has always been like that, than you are over reacting.  Some men (and women) feel uncomfortable with the whole public display of affection.  If he used to be affectionate in public (holding hands, kissing you, putting his arms around you) and you factor in him only talking about the kids (nothing else) it is possible you have a problem (ie you need to re-connect with your husband..or in this case he needs to re-conenct with you).  In other words, you guys need to have some private time (date nights) etc.