My husband is so immature when it comes to money, so, what do I do?

Question

My husband and I recently got married in March and he likes to spend money. He doesn't understand that there's only a set amount of money that can be used, and if you go over that limit, those fees add up. He also thought that recently it was funny that his bank let him order a new cell phone, without the sufficient funds in the bank...then gets a $140 overdraft fee, and then is upset because I'm ticked with him. He says he's getting smarter with money, but if we get nearly $800 a pay-period, and $140 of that is taken via a fee, I don't call that smart at all. He also wants to deck-out his truck, and buy new techology and anything he sees because he wants it, and just has to have it. Basically, what do I do or say to him besides "get what we/you really need first, then see if what you wanted is still worth getting." (Reminding him that needs take priority doesn't always work either.) Is there something that I can say or do that can help him to do some growing up?

Answer 1

it sounds like you should have separate accounts.  I only advocate this when a couple's views on money are polar opposites.  you may also consider both of you having an allowance since you probably can't afford all the bills on your paycheck.  take away credit cards and debit cards from him.  remind him that you are his wife, not his mother, and he should want to support you and give you the best life he possibly can and that he can't do this if he is irresponsible with money.

Answer 2

First, ask yourself why you didn't notice the differences in your spending habits before you got married.

Second, make sure each of the credit cards and other obligations you both share are either in your name or his but not both.  This will prevent his irresponsible behavior from ruining your credit.

Third, remember that you can't control what he does, you can only control how you react to it.

Fourth, make a budget and stick to it.  If he won't, get marital counseling.  If he won't go, you go anyway.  If this is the case divorce won't be far behind.

Answer 3

You didn't see the red flag with this problem or you chose to ignore it ? In this time of recession you must tighten the purse strings and put something away for a rainy day . Draw up a budget plan and stick to it.

Answer 4

First you need to figure out what "PROGRAM" your husband is running.

All programs come from childhood.

Maybe he grew up poor and needs to prove he can buy whatever he wants to PROVE he's not poor anymore.

Here are a few things I would suggest.

First go buy the book "Secrets of the Millionaire Mind"

DO NOT TELL HIM TO READ IT.

Everyone has a program "Don't tell me what to do"

You read it and figure out what his program is.

P.S. If he refuses to "Delete" the spending program, you may have to cut your losses and divorce him (before he bankrupts you)

Answer 5

There are several books you can get to learn personal finance.

Personal Finance for the Totally Confused

Personal Finanace for Dummies

Most major newspapaers have a personal finance column.  Check their website.

Good Luck

Answer 6

if your husband has a regular 40 hour a week job, he may feel like he earns his money and he should be able to spend it in what ever he wants. however, without nagging him or making it sound like  you are attacking him, tell him this, "baby I know how much you want this phone, car, PS2, or what ever.... but owr rent, electricity, car payment etc... is overdue and we are so backed up with the rest of the bills why don't we take care of the most important things first and I promise you that I will help you save up for your toy...) you see, you are not kissing his *** you are just letting him know that there are other things that need to be taken care of and he will, if he is smart and loves you will think that you are right and also know that it is not that you don't want him to have stuff, it is just that you are not in the situation right now to spent an extra hundred dollars. I worked with me and my wife, she used those words with me when I wanted to get a 2500 dollar horse saddle that I did not need. I realized that my wife was right and I forgot about it untill my wife after saveing for the saddle, got it for me 2 years later for our anniversary. If you cannot get to him with your charms and words, make his *** get another job just for his toys.

Answer 7

DIVORCE! IM SERIOUS, i know someone who is going through same thing you are, they been together for like 5 years just got married, he cannot hold a job longer than a few months, she works 12 hours a day most of the time 7 days a week to pay all the household bills, the overdraft bank fees ect! she even got her own bank account secretly without him knowing! they pawn child off on anyone, he does nothing but run, run run, and spend spend spend money that they do not have! there is no trust there. get out now before he does something bad and it will affect both of you since you are married!

Answer 8

He does sound very immature.  He should purchase only for cash.  No credit cards.  No debit card.  You will need to get tough about this, even if he resents it.

Get the July 2008 issue of Money magazine and both read it carefully.  Read "Get Debt Out of YOur Life" on Page 90.  See if it can be a springboard for a plan.

Both of you should have some money to spend each month on discretionary items but when it is gone--that's it until next month.  Savings should also be part of your spending plan.

Get this worked out now or your life is going to be intolerable.  You have good sense and instincts.  Stick by your guns.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Isn't money management the #1 reason marriages fail?  Before your marriage gets to this point, and before he gets you both into debt too deep to get out from, I'd start with opening your own bank account.  Let him spend his money the way he wants to, but guard your own funds.  Do keep a joint fund open for rent/mortgage, joint expenses, etc, but don't let him take you down with him.  It's only fair and reasonable that necessity spending comes first from a joint account, and after that, he can squander whatever is left of HIS money (not yours).

Answer 11

I'm sorry you can't still be in honeymoon bliss. Was he this way before you got married? He sounds like he is very immature and selfish with his priorities in life. If you have tried all that you can do, perhaps you can make him responsible for his debts. You also should be sitting down with him and discussing how his habits are putting a strain not only on your wallets but on your marriage.

Answer 12

Might I suggest watching the Dave Ramsey Show on FOX BUSINESS on cable, if you have it. The library has many of his books. You may not be able to change your husband (much like alcoholics) but you can change yourself to follow the principles of success instead of failure. Learn from the pros... Suze Orman, Dave Ramsey, David Bach, etc and you'll soon realize that you will have to let HIM reach rock bottom before he learns from his mistakes because only a moron does the same things over and over to expect different results. Perhaps you need to control the money and let him have his own play account to mess with after the important bills are paid. DO NOT let that man have credit cards!!!

Answer 13

Get him "The Richest Man in Babylon". Great book on finance and wealth