My husband is training to become a Marine officer; how do I prevent infidelity?

Question

My husband and I are both 23 years old. We've been together since we were both 19, married for almost three years. I'm the only person he's ever actually had s*x with (and he's the only one for me..). Early in our marriage, we had some problems with cheating, not actual s*x, just making out. He swears up and down that he will not cheat on me when he's in the service, and I know better than to bother him about it once he's in (if I seem like I don't trust him, he'll be more likely to cheat). What has worked for your relationships to prevent cheating, and what is the actual incidence of infidelity in the military? Please no guys just being jerks and saying that I should accept him cheating on me. If I can honestly vow to be faithful to him, why should I accept anything less from him? We all have a choice whether we cheat, as difficult as it might be sometimes. Thanks!

Answer 1

Marriage counseling.  Just like in the civilian world, cheating is a fear in the military world.  I have heard of it and have actually witnessed it with my own eyes!  

My husband and I have been together for six years.  We have been married for two and he has been a marine for  three years.  Since we have been married (and stopped playing our dumb high school games) we have learned to communicate our wants and fears with each other.  

So I would say that the best prevention of infidelity is communication.  If you two have trouble with expressing yourselves in all aspects to each other then I highly recomend a marriage counselor.

Answer 2

As everyone has said, you can't prevent it, only he can.  

The most you can do is be a big part of his life, and be the best, most increadable support you can.  The more support you show, the warmer the feelings stay while on deployment.  That's the truth.  Besides that, if you show a lot of support, other guys see that, and believe it or not, when they are telling your hubby what an increadable wife he has, it does a lot to remind him while he's away.  

The truth is, you're not going to be there in person, so be there in other ways as much as possible.  Send care packages and letters AS OFTEN AS YOU CAN.  Take the time to ask about what he is doing and what he's learning NOW, so that you are aware of his life and his goings on.  Become GENUINELY INTERESTED in what he is doing and what he is going through.  Sign yourself up for a support group- they have them for wives through the military, or you can join one that is NOT sponsored by the military, which will also allow girlfriends in as well.  This will be a TREMENDOUS help to you.  

Those who mentioned that you should have a hobby are right, and I'm sorry you were a bit snippy about it.  You don't understand yet that the hobby isn't just to get your mind off of his faithfulness and this present issue, but when he is deployed, YOU NEED to have something to do EVERY DAY, because when you write to him, all he's going to want to hear about is what YOU are doing (he wants to hear about normal life!) so you better have something to talk about!  You'll never understand what it is like to go through a deployment until you do it, and you're going to, if your marraige lasts.  I think it is odd that he is doing this now that you two are married, but you didn't mention if he'd been in the military all this time or not.  The military will become his life, so do your best to understand and embrace it, this builds appreciation and TRUST.  Also, embrace those who try to help you and communicate with you, because you will find quickly that not a lot of people will understand what you are going through when he is gone.

Wear him on your sleave, and be loud and proud.  That's the only way to do it.  The more you're there for him, the more he'll know that there is no sense in cheating on you.  

Answer 3

Simply put, you can't prevent it. Only he can.

Answer 4

As a Marine's girlfriend all I can say is as long as you have a strong relationship and you're both secure in your relationship it should never be a problem. My boyfriend had some very wild days before meeting me and I accept that it was who he was... but he has never cheated on me.

Some girls/guys in the military cheat just like some wives/husbands cheat - but guess what... people in the civilian world do it too. It really isn't that big of a problem as long as you have a good relationship.

Also, you don't really have to be concerned when he's deployed because over in the "sandbox" a women would be killed for being promiscuous.

Answer 5

Life is to short. Buy a box of rubbers and get it on.

Answer 6

Cut off his boys????  Seems to have worked for my dog, but you'd better have kids soon.

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Seriously, why are you still married to him if you don't trust him?  Just imagine how the relationship is going to play once he gets deployed.  Trust me it ain't pretty.  

I'd also take Cordelia's advise.  You will need something to occupy yourself while he's gone.  I'm glad your getting an education, but that will end soon.  Deployments are long and hard for military families.  You will need something to help relieve the stress.  Good luck.

Answer 7

Sweetie, there is no way you can prevent it, but you can have faith that he won't.  He can just not do it, he has to love you enough to not do it.  Its not hard, if there is true love.  and having faith will get you through anything.  I wish there was some magic button to push to make him be faithful, but there isnt, he just has to not want to do it and not do it, and the same goes for you as well.  I have been married for 22 yrs, I am 44, and my husband had an affair in our first yr of marriage my mother said something I will never forget, and I think she saved my marriage by saying it, she said:  Now you can get on with your life together.  I was so angry at the time that she didnt say you can come stay with me till you get on your feet, but she said now you can get on with your life.  I understand it now, and I am so glad I decided to have faith in my husband that he would never do it again, and now 22 yrs later, we are so in love with each other, and it has never happened again.  Its so nice to know that I am the only one he craves, and I him.  Good luck, and remember have faith.  

Gabby

Answer 8

First off, as a military officer, you can get demoted, forfeit pay, even get discharged for infidelity, as they have to follow the UMCJ which puts officers at a much higher standard than any enlisted person or even civilian.  As far as cheating goes in the military, it is usually done by the younger and less mature recruits who usually get married early so they can get more pay.

Answer 9

Unfortunately, you aren't able to prevent infidelity. If your husband is going to cheat on you, then he's going to do it. Plain and simple. I completely understand where you are coming from in being worried. This is all new to you (military life) and you know he'll be working closely with females in his unit, and being stationed and deployed to places you may not be able to accompany him with. You just have to have faith in your relationship that everything will work out for the best.

As for your question about the actual incidence of infidelity in the Military.. I can't answer that. I believe it has more to do with the actual person then it has to do with the military. Yea, you're seperated for long periods of time, but thats where trust and faithfulness come into play.

For me personally, I never worry about someone cheating on me. Not because I think i'm better then anyone else, but simply because I believe if someone is going to cheat, then that's what their going to do. You can't stop the inevitable. You just have to take it in as a lesson learned, and adapt and overcome the situation.  

Answer 10

All you can do is trust him at this point.

There is really  nothing you can do to prevent him from cheating...Nothing.

You can be beautiful, skinny, successful, and the sweetest spouse ever known to mankind, BUT, if its in your spouses nature to cheat..than they will cheat regardless of your efforts. I know thats not what you want to hear, but its true sweety.  

my only advice to you is keep your eyes open...and don't take no c**p.    

Answer 11

Just because you're in the Army it doesn't mean you can cheat. A cheater is a cheater in or our of the Military, you wouldn't stand for it in Civvy life so why should you whilst he is in the Army? Try not to think about it, be faithfull and if he cheat's show him the door.

Answer 12

I think you need a hobby....seriously, the more you think about it, the more it will drive you crazy.    His becoming a Marine will not increase or decrease the potential to cheat.  He either wants to be faithful or not.  

Answer 13

You can't prevent it.  You either trust him or you don't.  If you don't I would very seriously consider counseling or a divorce.  If you don't trust him now, you certainly won't trust him when he is in the field or deployed.  

Answer 14

Sounds like you're being a wee bit insecure.  You either trust him or you don't.  That has nothing to do with being in the military.

I trust my husband.  End of story.

Grad school aside...you need to learn how to trust him!  There are going to be some hard times and if you can't trust your relationship with him then you are just setting yourself up for a failed marriage.  

Again...Military Status has NOTHING to do with fidelity.  It's all about the person.

Answer 15

Go to marriage counseling. It sounds like you need it, no offense. Fidelity issues have to be worked out whether your husband is a marine or not a marine.

Answer 16

While I agree that you shouldn't settle for anything less than complete faithfulness, you cannot prevent infidelity on his part. Only he can do that. He is responsible for his own actions. You cannot control what he does. He is capable of making his own decisions. All you can do is trust in him and your relationship. If you can't, your relationship is destined to fail as trust and faith are really all we have to go on in a military relationship where most of your marriage is spent apart and communication is often lacking.

You have to decide whether you can trust him, or if it would be better to part ways.

Answer 17

just have faith in him and in your relationship.  that's all you can do.  with that being said, you must.. and i do mean MUST.. not allow yourself to be preoccupied with what MIGHT happen.  it will eat you alive and it will eat your relationship alive..  the best thing you can do is just show him as often as possible, that he is the most important thing in your life..  and just let the love you two have for one another take it from there.

Answer 18

there is Nothing you can do to prevent infidelity on his part.

you can only keep your side of the street clean.

the rest is up to him.