My husband is turning my stepdaughter into a spoiled brat?

Question

I am very much in love with my husband and his 7 year old daughter. The one prob we have is him spoiling her. She has become demanding and at times a terror to be around. Our new issue is her not wanting what I cook for her. A few weeks ago we ordered blue crabs. She loves crabs but as we sat down to eat she decided she no longer wanted crabs and told her father to make her a grilled cheese sandwich. He did! She then decided she did not want that and her honored her request and gave her dessert. I let him know that he shouldn't cater to her and he agreed. The other night I made dinner and she again refused it. He got up and made her something else. She asked for dessert and after taking two bites asked for a diff dessert. He oblidged! I blurted out "are you kidding me." He does not think it is a big deal to treat our house like its a restaurant. She is so spoiled she told me if she found out I was pregnant she would kill the baby so she would be the only kid! Help!

Answer 1

Yeah i haven't met a 7 year old yet that will eat crabs so I would do a seperate meal to.  My boys are encourage to try things but if they really don't like it they don't have to eat it, i mean we as adults get to eat what we feel like eating right?  If you didn't want crab you would get something else right?  I wouldn't however get the dessert for her if she didn't eat some food first, that is our rule here, food first then desert.  My boyfriend has the same rule for his kids.  

I will say though it sounds like there is more going on.  Does she live with you or mom?  Has there been anything unstable in her life where she would feel the need to have total control?  Has she been through councling to see if there is another problem?  My 5 year old seems like a brat to but after 2 counclers and a physical therapist plus the school principal and headstart teacher all talked they determined he isn't a brat but instead has sensory integration, possible aspergers mixed with Bipolar disorder so he can't always control what he says and does.  Not saying that is your stepdaughters case but it could be something worth looking into.  Plus daddy's little girls are usually spoiled ( i say usually because i wasn't).

Answer 2

What I think you and your husband should do is to set some rules in your house. Rules such as "no dessert until you finished everything on your plate". You should also have a heart-to-heart talk with her, tell her that she should appreciate what she has already and that other kids have much less that she does. Also tell her that she should appreciate what she has. You should also tell your husband to stop spoiling her and teach her some discipline.

Answer 3

Apparently you don't see the writing on the wall.  Little Princess Vicious is in charge.  I left a relationship like this.  The two kids destroyed every relationship their father had until they were packed off to college.  Self centered, spoiled brats and he allowed them to manipulate him.

Answer 4

your husband is assisting in turning your step daughter into a violent and jealous child.

What she said about the baby is horrible

normal undesturbed seven year olds do not say that stuff

Answer 5

she sounds like a typical 7 year old girl. OMG my 8 year old would never eat crabs (no matter what color)

My daughter is a very picky eater. I try to make things I know she likes. If I know she don't like it I will make her something else. However, if it is something I know she has eaten before. She eats what the pot cooks or goes hungry.

Answer 6

WOW, you and your husband need to sit down and make house rules that EVERYONE in the house has to follow.  You both have to agree on them and discipline her.

What?  Oh, good lord, it doesn't matter that she hates it or loves it or what.  The point she is trying to make is the kid is a freaken brat.  A child should TRY to eat everything the family eats- it's not a restaurant and def. NO dessert.  PICKY EATERS ARE NOT BORN, IT'S LEARNED.  Just like bad behavior!

Answer 7

Your husband is making you the bad guy. But the question is why? Your husband's behavior is ridiculous. Give your daughter choices, that way, she has to live with the choice SHE chooses for herself and must live with the  consequences.

You cook a meal, her choices are to eat the meal provided or go hungry. Yes, go hungry. NO optional choices, NO desserts. NO sugar without a nutritious meal to back it up. Period. If she kicks and screams, then she kicks and screams, at that point if you have a spine, a spanking might be in order. You two, especially your spineless husband, need to figure out who the adults are in the family. Right now, it's his daughter, and she's making lousy choices.

Why your husband doesn't get all of this, (which is common sense) is the greater question and one the two of you need to work out and then the two of you, tell it to your child -together, so that neither person is the bad guy.  The 'kill the baby' thing is an attention getter and she is getting attention. A good time out session in her room is in order, if she has electronic toys, take them away for short periods of time, these are luxuries, and she hasn't earned them. Don't turn this child into a monster, simply because its more convenient than being a good parent. Kids need rules, even when they scream about them.

Answer 8

You need to get your husband on the same page, pronto!

She's not stupid--she knows she can manipulate him to get her way, and she is doing just that.  What's worse is that she has already figured out that your word doesn't count for much, when she can go to Daddy and have him overrule you.  Nip this in the bud, NOW, or it is going to cause a lot of problems in your marriage later on, not to mention problems with the daughter.

Have a talk with your husband about what you feel the expectations should be, and tell him how important it is that the two of you parent as a team and present a united front.

Answer 9

it sounds like she needs counseling. there is no reason for a 7 year old to be saying things like killing a baby. if you dont get this under control things will get worse. try and talk to your husband about family counseling and get to the bottom of her behavior. also is her mom around? maybe her mom is putting her up to a lot of it. and i suppose she is the only child since she said she would kill the baby? you need to sit down and have a talk with her about why she is acting like this.

Answer 10

I feel that even though she is your step daughter, now you are in a role of a mom and you should have equal saying in deciding the rules around the house. If you are sharing everything else, parenting should also be shared. But it will take some time for the kid to build that trust. For that both you and your husband should be on the same page. Try talking to your husband how you feel left out of your role as a mom because he gives in to your daughter's whims. Dont talk about her misbehavior. Talking about your own feelings may help him the point more openly and clearly and he will see that all you want is good for your daughter. Step daughter or not, you seem like a real mother to her and like a real mom, take charge and change the situation by calm talks and a lot of patience.

Give your daughter sometime alone with her daddy. I think she may be jealous of you both being together. Her words about your baby reinforce my thought.

Answer 11

This needs to be stopped fast! You and your husband need to sit down and set up some guidelines without her there first. He needs to understand that you aren't trying to be the wicked witch of the west, but a good parent. The rule in my family was always you eat what was made for dinner or you go hungry. Also, if you didn't finish your meal, you certainly weren't getting desert. After the two of you have come up with the guidelines you can agree on, you need to have HIM sit down and express them with her. As far as her comment about what would happen if you were pregnant...It sounds like she is screaming out for attention. Try to have your husband set aside a day/evening for her where they go and do something they can both enjoy together. If comments like this continue, I would seek counseling. Best of luck!

Answer 12

I think that the major issue here is that you and your husband are not on the same page. When parents are not together on their decisions for their children, it leaves a large gap which creates a lack of stability. His daughter is probably seeing that, and playing off of it. My recommendation would be to sit down with your husband, away from your daughter and talk about these issues, and write down your decisions together. Of course there will be compromise, but in the end, if both of you are agreeing and sticking to what has been decided, then you can back your husband up and vice versa. And your daughter will actually find comfort in the fact that step-mom and dad are united in their decisions.

As for you wanting to have another child... and her throwing a fit, this can be typical with a child who is raised alone. Try to make it fun for her to become a big sister, and have a special basket put together for her from the baby when you deliver. I've even had friends who have purchased a special baby doll for their oldest child when they get pregnant, so that the child can practice and see how fun having a sibling is!

And sometimes, when it gets to be too much, take a minute and take a deep breath. You can do it!