My husband lets his son talk back to me. What can I do?

Question

I've been married to my husband for a year already. His son lives with us he is 12. He seems to hate me. He is always talking back to me . He always has to be right about everything. He gets mad when I ask him to pick up after himself. He always has this bad attitude. He just came back from visiting his mother for he summer, and it seems like he came back worst than ever. His mother is a druggie , she doesn't visit him or ever call him nor does she pay child-support. Instead of buying him some school clothes she buys him a shot gun. I'm sure she tries to turn him against me. The things that bothers me the most is that my husband doesn't ever get after him for treating me bad. I can't take this stress anymore, I'm 5 months pregnant. What can I do?

Answer 1

that kid would be around me. I would even marry someone who had a kid. your husband must not care for you he need to check the boy and worry about you and you and the baby you don't need that stress.  

Answer 2

I agree with everyone else, put your foot down before this gets worse or leave because you're not going to be able to compete with his son.

Answer 3

I don't understand why your husband allows it. I mean does the son  talk to his father like that as well. Now that you are pregnant your husband needs to be looking out out for the welfare of his unborn child. This type of behavior is not acceptable. What if something happens to you bc of your stepson you never know when they go into anger rage. I wouldn't trust his son when the baby is born. He can be resentful towards the baby and would want to harm your child. I mean you have to talk to your husband and let him know that you  are very concerned and it needs to be taken care of. Remember you are not obligated to be putting up with your stepson c**p after all he is not your problem. Sorry to be harsh but I am really worried about your unborn child. Please get some help or else get out for your unborn childs safety.

Answer 4

You should realize that this kid is NEVER going to listen to you.  

The only person that can straighten him out, is his dad - your husband.

If you need things to change, you need to have your husband understand how this is making you feel, and that he needs to be more involved in disciplining his kid when he disrespects you.

You'll only get through to the kid, through your husband.

If your husband refuses to make the situation better for you, move to your mom's or a friends house for the rest of your pregnancy.  This is not an enriching environment for you while you're pregnant.

You should also realize, what the kid is doing, isn't his fault.  It's his parents fault.  This kid didn't choose to be born into a home that was dysfunctional, and he didn't chose to have a step-parent either.

Give the kid the benefit of the doubt that he's confused, angry, and hurt.  He takes it out on you because your husband has no consequences. You are the least likely person to get mad and lash out at the kid - because you probably still feel like you can't discipline him.  This is also your husband's fault.  He will always be on his kid's side.  That's what happens when you marry someone with children.

Edit:

It's no longer a "yours and mine" issue - you are married with to a family.

BUT...

If you can so easily consider things YOURS, well h**l - this BABY is yours, so you get to keep it and kick "them and theirs" to the curb for disrespecting you in your own home.

This is the baggage and problems you get with marrying a man with a child.  You made a mistake.  If you want to make it better - you can't.  Your husband can and should.

You will definitely need marriage counselling, and family counselling that specializes in blended families.  You're in for a LONG battle to gain your place.

Answer 5

Give the kid a break, this is not about you. It is tough enough to be a kid, but a kid of divorce, with a mom who is a druggie, a dad with a baby on the way, and a woman in the house trying to act like his "mom"? You should have thought about that before you got married and pregnant! You chose your situation, he had no choice. Family counseling is probably the best bet for all, and someone to talk to the kid on an individual basis would be a good thing for him - he probably has alot of animosity and anger in him. This is a crucial age for any kid just because of all the hormonal changes, how you and his father respond to this situation will certainly have an impact on his success.  

Answer 6

Tell your husband to check his song before he gets popped in the mouth.

Answer 7

u better start showing him who is boss

Answer 8

I do not mean to be nasty, but even though it may not be true, I'm sure this boy thinks of you as the reason why his parents are no longer together and your being pregnant makes it clear to him that not only will he never get his Mom and Dad  back together, but he's being replaced.

You're right that you don't need the stress of arguing with him, so I would suggest that you stop.  It's not your place to sneer at his mother, to criticize what she bought him, to argue with him over what he knows, to get him to pick up after himself or to make him be respectful.  Those are all his father's job.  You are not his mother, you are just a lady who doesn't seem to like him much and who happens to live in his house.  Once you start being polite to the boy, it's your husband's job to make his son be polite in return.  If your husband doesn't come through, stop cooking for them, doing their laundry, cleaning up after them, etc.  Tell your husband that you are on strike until you're treated with respect by BOTH of them, because his ignoring his son's rudeness is also disrespectful.  If you weren't there, he and his son would have to take care of themselves, so while you're pregnant and need to take it easy, they should just pretend you aren't there and go right ahead.

Answer 9

Take some parenting classes or try something like The Total Transformation. It says " Are you struggling with a child who is disrespectful, obnoxious or even abusive toward you? Are you frustrated and exhausted from arguing constantly? Do you "walk on eggshells" around your child, avoiding conflicts that will "set him off?" Have you tried screaming, punishing, pleading, and negotiating and your child still walks all over you?  Finally…a guaranteed, simple way to stop your child's defiant, out of control behavior - RIGHT NOW"

http://www.thetotaltransformation.com/De...

Answer 10

Raise h**l with hubby until he sees things your way.  

Answer 11

Speak to your husband girl.

Let him know that it's becoming a problem.

Tell him the stress of being pregnant is one he could not understand and he needs to correct his son.

Good luck.

Answer 12

I WENT THRU THE SAME DISRESPECT FROM MY SON AND MY SPOUSE NOT BACKING ME --IT GETS OLD QUICK...WE ARE NOW DIVORCED AND HE AND HIS SON ARE TOGETHER AT LAST BY THEMSELVES ---FINALLY I AM PEACEFUL...

Answer 13

kick both there arses lol u dont need that extra stress  

Answer 14

you better talk to your husband about marriage counseling. if he does not want to go then I suggest you leave him.