My husband passed away three months ago. He was the love of my life. How do I go on? It's been really hard.?

Question

Life is never the same after he is gone. How do people cope with such a big loss? We have 2 small children.

Answer 1

My heart goes out to you. I wish I had an answer for you. I think about that so much with all my losses. Whenever I hear Gilbert Sullivan's song - 'Alone Again Naturally', I get sad.  Stay strong and take it day to day.

Answer 2

Social activities, prayer, time.  First and foremost though, is to honor the memory and life he lived - his legacy.  A shrine, a anniversary, a memoriam, there should be resources on the Internet to help with this.  

Answer 3

I'm in a similar situation, my father passed away when i was 11 years old. Moving on is hard, but you have to. I'm not saying forget him, never do that, keep him in the back of your mind. Make it so that you must live life to the fullest. Persevere through life, encourage your children to follow their dreams and to have nothing stop them from dreaming. This is what my father wanted me to do, live, persevere, even without him.

Answer 4

You need to find a grief support group. They are usually listed somewhere in your newspaper and are FREE. You can also ask your pastor if you belong to a church and if you do not, you might check with any of your local churches anyway. Many times they offer these support systems for non-parishioners as well. You can ask your family doctor too. There IS help, you just have to seek it out.

Answer 5

i have a mate who lost her hubby last yr ...she has three kids and felt the same ....

same thing for her is what i'll suggest to you ...seek counselling for you and kids [family relationship centre ,etc..] just to help any issues that may arise be dealt with in a healthy and releasing manner

also dont let him be forgotten ...always remember what he meant to you all ,and dont let them forget their dad ...am sure he was a wonderful one ...on fathers day dont be sad [as i know this is soon] ...spend some of it talking bout him ,get photo album out ,cry ,let it be a day to show them its healthy to remember him and its ok to be sad ...but think up funny memories and tell them stories of them memories ...make them laugh and most of all remember not everything about him will make them sad...

my mum was 25 [i know this isnt hubby but they were close]  when her father died [i was 15days old]....she always talks about him and loves him and allows us the freedom to talk even if it still [after 27yrs]hurts ....because kids need to be able to talk about anyone ...even if they have passed on .....christmas every yr she at least cries once cos he died so close to it .....but she does it to let it out and be able to continue on ....

this is what i want you to do ......think up funny memories of him and the kids and write them all down ,word for word ....do same with any special memories ,birthdays ,xmas ,wedding ,kids being born ,etc... keep it all in one book and give it a lovely title ....this book will be your memories so no matter what you never forget him ....and the kids [once they can read -or if they can now ]can read it aswell and remember him ...as one day they be upset if they cant remember something about him [ask them for stories for the book aswell-do it together to ensure you all remember your fave things about your hubby ]

mycondolences for you ...time wont heal but it will get easier and you have your two children to keep him alive in your heart ....goodluck to you all  

Answer 6

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.  I watched my sister go thru something similar, that was really tough.  Stay around those who love you and loved him, it will never get easier, but it will get better.  Stay strong for your children, they are the most important part of your life now.  Keep your head up.  Pray a lot, even if you dont believe in anything just pray.  You will find the answers, love and needs you seek.  I dont know what else to tell you.  Use the support systems around you and God bless you all your days.  Stay strong, much love and sympathy,

Eric

Answer 7

I would remember the times you had and also the children that the two of you have together.  Grief therapy and family support is what I hope you have I am so sorry for your loss but I know you will draw your strength from god and your children your family only time will heal your  heart and he will always be with you in time you will piece back your life and your children's and look back on this and reflect on it.  

Answer 8

I wish you the best. It is hard. My mom passed away then I was 29 and my younger brother 14 whom I was taking care after and it is still hard even it is been 8 years after. But it helped for me to think that she would want me to be happy and to see my brother happy so the best thing I could do for her is get together and make sure live my life to make her proud of us - that is what helped me to go through it and still does - take care of yourself, he wants you to be happy and see his children happy.  And always keep him in you memories.

Answer 9

My condolences for your loss.  When my dad died, my mom really struggled and leaned on us girls for emotional support - we all could relate to losing a father, but not a husband - so we felt helpless.  We made some calls and found out Hospice will provide grief counseling for up to a year, regardless if their services were used prior to the death.  You will never get over the loss, but Hospice gave my mom the tools to cope with it and slowly she began putting the pieces together.  Good Luck to you and your children.

Answer 10

i know this sounds like a hallmark card but time heals all wounds.  it takes some people longer than others to get over a tragedy like that.  i don't know if you are a spiritual person at all, but it might be something to think about.  you can pray for help.

Answer 11

I really don't have a answer for you, but wanted to say I am sorry and I am real easy to talk with I can go on for ever and can be here just to hear what you have to say.. Anytime!! (( HUGS)) My yahoo IM is sally0379 so if you want to add me.. Take care!

Answer 12

You go on for your children. They need to have your full support just now, and lots of images of their father, and talk about their father. I know it's hard just now, but it does become a little easier in time. It will never seem fair or right, but you have to deal with what is, not what should have been. Remember the good times. Because you have been happy once, it shows that you are capable of being happy again. It means that you can live in a loving relationship, and impossible as it sounds, you may one day do so again. Enjoy your children while they are small, they grow up all too quickly. Time is too precious to spend too long in your sadness. Your husband would not have wanted this.  

Answer 13

God bless you..I cannot even imagine. Do not try to move on so fast, let yourself grieve and never stop loving him. In time, hopefully you will find someone else to share your life with, but for your childrens sake, keep him in your life always. God has a reason for why everything happens and this too shall pass. Stay strong...

Answer 14

First allow me to express my deepest sympathy for your loss.

There really isn't a magical cure to make the pain easier other than time.  A grief counselor will benefit both you and your children, no matter their ages.  There are also a lot of support groups, too.  You can Google "grief support" and your state for many listings.

Please don't be too hard on yourself, three months isn't very long at all.  The deep pain of losing someone may take a very long time before it begins to cease.

I wish I had the right words to make things more bearable for you, but all I am able to do is pray for God to bring peace to the hearts of you and your children.  God bless.  I wish you all the very best from the bottom of my heart.

Answer 15

My husband passed away a couple of years ago. I have two teenagers. So, it is different. They are independent. They go through the agony from time to time. They do not express their feelings.

Give yourself time to grieve. Bring up your children with positive energy. This is the time they need you to put your brave front and go on. Believe me, it will get better. One day you are going to look back and think how you did it. Just be very positive. Take of yourself. Treat yourself to something nice once in a while. Keep active in children's activities.

Just keep yourself active. Loneliness is a tough thing to deal with. Join the fitness club, that's what I did. Find things for yourself to do. Hopefully there is somebody to help you with your kids.

Take care and I promise it will get better as days go by and kids get bigger and you get stronger.

Answer 16

I have been married for 39+ years and still have the love of my life.  However, we had a wonderful son, our only child, who died suddenly five year go of a massive heart attack.  I'm still here, but it was a really hard decision.  I got help from a psychologist, one that really listened and did not try to tell me how to do this.  She had her two children and I did not.  I also went on-line to www.compassionatefriends.com.  They have different times for different types of losses.   Their chat is very well monitored and no one is allowed in that is not grieving.  I recommend them highly.  If you live in a large city, some places have compassionate friends meetings.  

More important than any of that is those two small children that need you more now than ever.  You need to keep their Dad alive in their memory every day.  

I am so sorry for your loss and hope that I have said something that will help you in some small way.  You need to continue to reach out to others for help.  Even strangers understand more than you can know.  Best wishes for the future.  

Answer 17

Absolutely, time is the only way that eases a loss like your's.  As your babies grow you will see how comforting it can be to see just how much they are like their Dad!  .....God bless you and the babies!

Answer 18

Loosing someone that is dear to you is never easy.  However there is a cure and that cure is time.  You will live on and your husbands memory will never die, you'll always hold that close to your heart.  Your life doesn't stop though, that's the positive in this, it will go on and you will meet another person that makes you feel just as your husband did.  

Answer 19

My fiancee passed away a few years ago, and while I will not pretend to understand what your going through, I will tell you that my experience is that, believe it or not, it will get easier. Some days will be much, much harder than others and some days you'll think your doing fine and something simple and silly will bring you to tears. All I can say is go with it. Let yourself grieve in your way. People (including me) will give you well meaning advice, but ultimately, you need to move on at your speed and at your pace. Don't shut out others in your life who mean well and be there as much as you can for your daughters. My heart goes out to you. Seek solace as you can, but remember your strength. Be the woman your husband would want you to be. Take care, and if you accept this sort of thing: God Bless.  

Answer 20

live life day by day each day with each progressive day u will realize that u love life

or do something that makes u love life

im sure ur children are very sad too so see how they are coping with it and make sure they arent getting into a lot of trouble

counseling?

Answer 21

You need to keep your mind on your children.  Devote all of your time and love to them.  Let them be the reminder of what you and your husband had together.  

Answer 22

Get yourself busy for at least a month. You will soon forget about him. You can also try SPA, have some out of the country vacations with your family... and visit a therapist. Your case is normal... it happens a lot to all who have the same case as your... Don't worry... it is normal.

Answer 23

Do the best you can, you've made it through the worst, people say it goes away over time, it never goes away but it will get easier, your very brave

Answer 24

Trust in your heart it is because god has bigger and better plans for you and he is just testing you to make sure you are tough enough to get there. Everything happens for a reason girl. My prayers go out to you and your children. I know that it has to be real difficult. Times like these you have to look at the perspective that everything will be okay. And moving on may take a while....but always keep in the back of your mind that your husband would not want you to stop your life just because he had to leave. He needs you to be happy for your childrens sake...and part of being happy is moving on.  

Answer 25

the pain will never go away because you will always love him

be positave. get into a group with others who have lost loved ones to help with grief. turn to family. get a hobby. and try to remember that life goes on..s o you need to evetually move on too.. you never have 2 forget him tho!

Answer 26

It will be very difficult for you for a long time. think of it as a great blessing that you have the children, as part of him will live on in them.

when the initial mourning passes, please do not stop yourself from being happy or finding love again because of guilt. Im sure your late husband would have wanted for you to be happy

deepest condolences

Answer 27

When you have been really in love for a long time, it is so hard to part!

I imagine how close you and he were. And I know he wouldn't want you to be so unhappy.

Grief is a process and it takes time. Each person grieves differentlly too. For some , photos of their beloved help. For others they can't bear to see photos. The important thing is that you stay connected to your friends and community. There is someone there who will understand what you're going through and stand with you.

There are many online griefs chats that are very helpful. I think one is called GROW. And grief couseling helps too.

I have found that when faced with loss, I get the most satisfaction in sharing my feelings, so online grief chat was great for me.

Promise yourself and your loved ones that you will make a couple of appointments each week. Go get your hair fixed, and that means every week. And go to church or another place where you find friends.

Making and keeping that promise is very important.

I am very sorry you lost your husband. You will see him again. Meanwhile, do your best to find your new place in life.

Answer 28

i know how hard it is to have a loved one pass away my grandma was murderd but just have faith you wile see him again hes in your heart and thats all that matters im sorry for you loss i wish you happynis and joy thro out your lifes i know thats what he would want  

Answer 29

Just try to remember the good times you both had,be there for the kids. Let them help you gather some pictures that you made together,for a family wall. Do things together on the holidays,that you'll remember made you laugh. Pray about it and ask God to give you the courage to go on,with your life,hopefully somewhere in the future you will meet someone else.Just make sure he will  treat you and the kids right at all times. Tell him  your not looking for a replacement for there Dad,just someone too spend time with ever once in a while. Time has a way of healing all wounds.

Answer 30

I KNOW it's awful hard, & w/take awhile to even start to get over.  It's a rough time in your life rite now,  I just recently lost one of my two Granddaughters suddenly at the age of 14.  We are all devastated,  We take it a day at a time on some days,   Time is the ONLY thing that us going to help, time & our strong belief in God, putting Him in our lives on a daily basis,  We never could have gotten thru this all w/o knowing God was w/us .  You DEFINITELY need to join a grief group w/folks going thru the same heart aches as you.  If you don't know where to turn for that, contact your local United Way & they w/have the information you need,  Stay as close to your friends that you can, they are also there for you.  Don't even try to hold anything in, let it out anyway you have to.  Know people are always there for you, use them when you need to. Time is the only thing that w/help you.  My heart goes out to you as I KNOW what you're going thru..God bless you & stay close to you,,,I'll be glad to be here for you if you want to email me.  Click on my picture for my email address. I w/do all U can to help & support you too...Try to take care of yourself & know he lives on thru both your children also..So sorry for your loss...

Answer 31

First of all, I'm very sorry you lost your husband. It's important to go on for your kids. You have a right to grieve, but you also have to remember that you are alive and that your kids need you. If you feel yourself slipping remember the people close to you and hang on to them. If you are still having trouble don't feel any shame in going to counseling.