My husband procrastinates and I need help.?

Question

My husband is in school full time during the day and works at night. We have a 4 year old daughter, I am 29 weeks pregnant, and we are moving next week. He has a portfolio due on Monday and a test on 3 chapters. The Monday after we move, he has a final. I have been completely on edge b/c I am tired of being pregnant and it is getting hard to do everything and we have a lot on our plate. I have only been a stay at home mom since January and it is really hard for me to rely on him for everything to get done. We are broke. He hasn't even started on his portfolio or started studying. He says that he has to have some free time, but I say that you have to sacrifice. He is annoyed with me b/c I stay on his *** about getting stuff done and I am annoyed with him because I feel like he procrastinates. I do everything around the house and write all his notes for him in the evening while he is at work, but I can't study for him and do his assignments. Is there a happy medium?

Answer 1

I think you need to stop nagging him about getting the work done, and you need to stop enabling him by writing all his notes or other things you might be doing for his school work.  This situation is turning into a parent/child dynamic rather than two spouses.  Talk to him and say that it concerns you that he's not going to finish and will fail his classes, but that you understand how your nagging can get to him...so you're going to distance yourself from it.  Also make it clear that if he fails, the money to retake those classes will not be readily available and that he'll have to take a second job or something to make up the money.

I would also suggest that you get a part time job or something once the baby is born, if you're broke you need to be contributing to the household.

Answer 2

I'm a procrastinator too. It's likely that the stress of all the **** he has to do is causing him to not be able to relax with this time that he's craving to recharge before he can get started on his stuff.

Perhaps you could try making a deal with him that he can do something that he really enjoys that really relaxes him (golf maybe?), if he gets  a certain amount of something done first. Or that if he does the thing he enjoys, then he has to come home and start to get the stuff done right away.

Also keep in mind, that he likely knows that the more he puts the stuff off the more of it you will do for him. I'd have a frank discussion with him, rather than nagging him a bit at a time.

So frank discussion + offer of the relaxation he craves = he starts getting stuff done (hopefully)

A carrot and a stick kind of a way of getting him to do his stuff.

Answer 3

You're absolutely right, he has to sacrafice and put his family first. You should stay on his *** about this, because if he messes up it's the whole family suffering from his failing school. I think that you're awesome for writing his notes, but I don't think you should do that anymore because it seems that he's taking you for granted in a way. You clearly know that he is working hard because you are trying to help him, but does he know about you being stressed out?

Well, I hope that this is his last semester and hold your head up high. You have to be the strong one now, and hopefully he'll make this up to you by changing the baby's diaper and doing night time feedings:) Cheer up.

Answer 4

You are an awesome wife because 1) You recognize why your husband would be annoyed with you. 2) You are doing all this **** for him (writing notes for him) 3) You sound like you won't let things get in your way and you sound like a strong woman.

As an expert procrastinator. Let him do it his way. Procrastinators usually get things done last minute...  most, not all, do things well when done last minute. That's how I graduated high school and got into a pretty sweet college.

Another alternative is to give him a light ultimatum. Make him finish his stuff. Tell him to do it for your kids. Don't take any c**p. Let him know you are there for him, but the only way you can help him is for him to help himself.

Judging by the tone of your question... I sense some optimism. Stuff CAN and WILL get done and everything will be alright

Answer 5

I can relate. My partner's favorite phrase is "I'll just do it tomorrow." Well, the more tomorrows that pass by, the more stressed he becomes. I had to point this out to him. I'm 34 weeks pregnant, we just moved (well, we're still in the process of moving), I'm the one who had the finals, and he just wasn't organized enough. The bills were all over the place, and I'd try to organize them and pay them with what we had (he works full time, I work part time and go to school full time) and it was just a mess. Finally, I had to sit him down and set a budget and schedule. It took a couple weeks of "can we just do it tomorrow"s, but eventually I had a pile of bills, including his student loan repayments, and appointments (prenatals and such) and he realized that putting everything off had only made things worse. We sat down and settled everything. It sounds like what you need most of all is more organization, communication, and a set schedule for how things will be run in the home. Work on this together. You'll probably have to organize the first steps, but let him know that if he doesn't participate in actively trying to get things together, things are going to fall apart. Be stern, and don't back down.

Answer 6

wow...a happy medium? Not really...I think you should sit him down and explain to him exactly how you feel and how the added stress of worrying about him and what he's not doing is not good for you or the baby you're carrying.Maybe you two can come to a resolution.God Bless