My husband pulled my hair hard and is overally controlling. What should I do and how? ?

Question

I mean controlling as in I am not allowed to do anything without his permission. He has grabbed me and left brusies in the past. This last time he got mad he broke our wooden bed frame with a baseball bat and pulled my hair hard enough to pull some out. He said he didn't care and could kill me. His anger is becoming worse and he can hardly control it anymore. I have been married now for 2 1/2 years and I know this may sound dumb, but I don't know what to do to leave. Also, he doesn't work right now. He is currently unemployed. He had an interview this morning, but refused to get out of bed to go. Instead he yelled at me and blamed me that he wasn't going because I didn't do everything he wanted me to do last night. I am a Christian and it is hard for me to just walk away. That is why I ask how. I have a seven year old that is his step son and he was here the day he pulled my hair and broke the bed. :( He really scares me and I am so afraid to go against him.

Answer 1

Being a christian does not mean you allow yourself to be abused in any shape or form...as a mother  you have a duty to your children..they need to be protected from this violence..you are not showing a good example to them , they will grow up thinking it's ok for women to be treated in this manner..you must leave this man..love does not pull your hair or in any way scare you... this situation will only get worse..and you will end up in a hospital or dead...then what will your children do? you must get away now, go to family, friends, or someone that will take you in until you get a place to stay..he has you so much under his control ..you can't even think straight...read all the replies to your question..be strong and get you and your children aways from this very sick , unhealthy relationship..don't waste anymore time ..if you do you will live to regret it .

Answer 2

get out now! sod the religion God will understand!  your husband is abusive. if you take your son to school on your own ask them for help, they'll be able to put you in contact with shelters.

if you don't leave this may continue for years and he may start on your son, could you live with that.

Answer 3

I don't mean to be rude, but what does being a Christian have to do with it? Where in the Bible does God tell us to stay in an abusive marriage?

I was in an abusive relationship and I'm telling you it's not going to get any better! It will get worse, especially when there are no consequences for your husband to face when he beats on you. You need to reach out to family or friends and ask for help, or you need to contact a battered women's shelter. Don't say you can't, because if you could get away from him long enough to get on here and and post this question, you can get away from him long enough to call a battered women's shelter.

Your 7 year old son is watching his mother being abused, what kind of effect do you think that's going to have on him? Not just now, but later in life? He's being taught it's acceptable to hit woman! If for no other reason, try need to get out of the relationship for you son's sake.

The domestic laws have changed a lot over the years. Most major cities have their own domestic unints in their police force. Next time he hits you, pick up the phone and call 911. You will be able to get a restraining order and at least get some documentation on his sorry butt.

Don't allow yourself to continue to be a victim.

Answer 4

The next time he lays a hand on you call the police and press charges on him! And stick to it! Spousal abuse is against the law! Assult is also against the law! You need to get you and your son out of the environment you need to go the Eve,Inc. the police dept. can take you and your son to Eve,Inc. its for families being torn apart by physical, mental, spiritual abuse! They will not tell your husband where you are, and if you think it will only get worse, then put a restraining order against him, if he comes as close as 100 ft. he'll go back to jail, and maybe he needs to be somewhere away from you & the boy, to realize he's dead wrong in the way he's been treating you and the boy! Mam, I'll be praying for you & your boy, for the Lord to set in motion a way for you to get away from this abusive husband, and recover and grow in mind,body,soul.

Answer 5

It is a bad situation you are living in but you are the only one that can make a move.Please if it is not for you at least get the poor child away from this abusive life style.Believe me christian or not no prayers will be able to help you once he has gone to far and bashed you so badly.That will be where this will eventually lead to if you stay any longer.Get out while you can.

Answer 6

OK, not being a wise *** here, but if you are not allowed to do anything then how did you get on here and ask for help.  Pick up a phone dial 911 or go the phone book and get to a shelter for battered women.  

Answer 7

HEY!!! See your clergyman NOW!!! Tell him what has happened. Your poor excuse for a man, is teaching the boy that it`s ok to abuse women.. A_B_U_S_E is exactly what you describe here. He needs to be charged . What`s next, he slaps you around, punches you in the face , then says sorry??He won`t stop now, he didn`t get out of bed because he wanted YOU to feel guilty about him pulling your hair... he`s trying to change the subject.

Get out now, for the sake of  your safety and the kid`s future view on women! That is no way to treat a Queen!

Send him down to my DOJO , if he wants to fight, we can set him up with real men, not a helpless woman!!

Make your move, and don`t wait before it gets worse...

Answer 8

I'm probably going to be the only person on here not telling you to get out and run.

I think you should talk to him.  Sit him down when he's not angry, and explain that his anger is tearing your marriage apart.  Explain that you love him very much, and you want more than anything to make your marriage work, but it's not working right now.  Tell him that in order for it to work, the anger needs to take a big step backward.  Tell him that he needs to get into some anger management counseling.  You don't want to give him an ultimatum, but explain that you will be unable to stay with him if he continues to mentally and psychically abuse you.

Purchase this book, and have him read it.  It really helps, trust me.  

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksea...

If he refuses to read the book or go to counseling and he gets angry and flips out, you will need to leave at that point.  You need to look out for the safety of you and your 7 year old son.  I understand he is your husband, and therefore you DO need to give him a chance and an opportunity to change his ways, however, if he refuses to do that or tries and it doesn't work after a long period (6 months-1 year of trying) then you need to look out for your safety and well being.

Hope I've helped, good luck.

Answer 9

I would like to know where you are. I am coming to get you right now. I was with a man who did the same thing to me and I was embarrassed (sp?) to let anyone know that it was going on. You feel like you have failed him, like you have done something wrong, like you can't do enough to please him ??? I felt that way too. And much, much more..... Do NOT let it continue, as long as he is getting away with this behavior, every time he gets "Angry" his rage will be worse. Each event is worse than the last one, isn't it? Get out, go to a family member, or go to a shelter, they will help you find a place to live, and help you spiritually. If you want me to, I will come to where you are, I don't care if you are in California, New York, or Florida.... The police will protect you. The next time your husband gets in the shower, grab your purse, and your kid and leave.... That's how I left.  

Answer 10

Obviously he has very low elf esteem and is apparenty depressed;

unfortunately he is taking it out on you, and indirectly on your son.

If it were a one time event and limited to names, I'd say go to counseling and get your husband in treatment of his own, but-

a baseball bat?

That bed frame could have been your head, or it could have been your son.

This man is not in control of his anger. It sounds as if he well knows he lacks self discipline and control, but finds it easier to lay the blame at your feet.

Depression, low self-esteem, whatever-it really does not matter.- What matters is it is causing danger to you and to your child.

What should you do? You say you're a xian, so perhaps start there.

Call your church and make an appointment with your minister or priest. Most clergy have at least some background in family dynamics and psychology. Print this out and take it to him, tell him exactly what you said, you don't know how to leave. As clergy he shoud have access to multiple resources to help you leave safely.

Because you have to.

This time it is a bed frame, next time it could well be your son's head.

There is never any excuse for physical abuse.

If you suspect your clergy is some sort of fundamental radical, who would suggest against leaving when you are endangered, look elsewhere. Get the yellow pages (or perhaps the blue/ social service listings), and look up women's crisis center. They will help you, they will lead you every step of the way.

If you were the only person endangered you would have a bit more choice (if you for som reason wanted to be beaten and degraded by an emotional cripple), but you are responsible for a child who is currently bearing witness to the abuse of his mother and at risk of becoming a victim himself. You cannot worry about your 'husband'- your energies right now need directed to your self and son.

Get help, and get out.

Answer 11

Girl get the h*ll out of that house.  He is unacceptable.  Either one of the two will happen, he kill you or you kill him.  Either one is bad.  So leave.  Take on ck, rent a UHaul, pack up your kids things and get the h*ll out of dodge.  NO WOMAN deserves to be treated this way.  He needs help, and using you as a punching bag or pulley is NOT the answer.  Good luck

Answer 12

get the f--- out. why wait to have another beating. think of your 7 yr old son. either call the cops or get your son and get the f--- out. you dont need it neither does you son.

Answer 13

FIRST, CALL YOUR PARENTS OR SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU...TELL THEM YOU PLAN ON EXITING THIS RELATIONSHIP.

CALL AN ATTORNEY FOR A FREE CONSULTATION. TELL HIM YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW TO GET A RE-STRAINING ORDER IN YOUR STATE.

CONTACT SOCIAL SERVICE...ASK THEM TO HELP YOU GET FOOD STAMPS AND RENT ASSISTANCE.....

GO TO THE UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE. GET A JOB..

BUT MOSTLY GET OUT...

MY FIRST HUSBAND..WAS MY LIGHT OF MY LIFE..WE MARRIED HE BECAME YOUR HUSBAND.   WE BOTH WANTED A BABY. UNTIL I BECAME PREGNANT...HE BEAT MY STOMACH AND KILLED THE BABY.

YOUR CHILD BE BE THE NEXT VICTIM AND HE IS BEING TAUGHT IT IS OK TO TREAT WOMAN LIKE THAT BECAUSE YOU ARE STAYING.

DO NOT TELL HIM YOU ARE LEAVING UNTIL YOU ARE GONE AND HAVE YOUR RESTRAINING ORDER. AS IT COULD SET HIM OFF.

BE STRONG YOU WILL NEED TO BE. IF NOT FOR YOU FOR YOUR CHILD...

GOOD LUCK SWEETIE. I WISH YOU THE BEST. PS NOT YELLING HERE. CAN'T TYPE SO I LEAVE ON THE CAP.'S LOL

THEN  

Answer 14

Secretly call the cops and ask for your and the kids' protection, that he needs to be charged criminally and incarcerated while you and BOTH the kids go ito a woman's shelter. The fact is he IS VERY DANGEROUS!!!!

Ger a criminal order of protection against him signed by a judge hat he MUST stay away from you for a year and come NO closer than 500 yards.

In the woman's shelter, they keep your whereabouts anonymous, so make sure to take valuables like coin collections, CD money market accounts, jewelry, and all possible cash.

Very important: He might try to be on his best behavior, but you must realize he is an undiagnosed mental case! He ois a predator and he is out of his mind, and no promises he makes can possibly be kept because he is mentally very very very very ill!!!

For real!~ Do NOT believe how he has changed if he says he'll be good.. I saw an episode of Dr. Phiwhere the guy was trying to be pleasant, but he was stopped by the cops when he ran out of the studio trying RI rush home to prevent his wife from leaving their home for good with the kids. The cops were alerted on the show and pulled his car over. He had Been abusing his wife for a long time.

Christianity is NOT the reason for your not leaving. You are scared, battered but a bully,m threatened, and the kids are worse...If you are want miracles realize that God is in all of us,. Taking the proper actions now is long overdue.

Husband need a complete and total psychiatric workup for Anxiety, behavioral and emotional disorders, anger management, and probably need medication to stop his violence, and YES, it is physical abuse and intimidation.

He is not to be trusted ever again, realize this. Murders are happening after taking back a physically abusive spouse.

Answer 15

You are in an abussive relationship and unfortunately even though you seem to like it as you stated you dont want to leave him, you are now bringing this into your son's life. You may not be able to be strong enough to want better for youself, but maybe you can find the strenght to want more for you son. He doesnt deserve this. And I dont know where his biological father is in all this, but what is going on in your house could be grounds for you loosing custoday of your son. Your son could make comments at school and the school could file a compliant against you. Do not think that because this is in your home that it is invisible = it is not.

The next time your husband displays abussive behavior you need to call 911 and start contacting family services to see if you can get housing and financial assistance with the state until you are able to get on your own two feet.

Answer 16

Ma'am I'm not for divorce but you're in a very bad situation. Yes he is party stressed out by being unemployed but sounds like he doesn't even want to help himself and go for an interview when he has a chance. I don't think I'd wait until he did anything else, you need to just wait until he was asleep or gone, and then leave. Go ahead now and set up a place, (women's shelter, friends house, or even family), get everything together that you want to take with you, so when the time is right you can grab and go. Also you need to sign a form at school stating that your husband can't pick your son up from there. and if you happen to leave while your son is still in school, go by and get him and take him with you. I hope this helps.

Answer 17

I don't even need to read the rest of this question.  But I have one question for you.  Why in the world are you still with this man?  He does not love you...he does not respect you... nothing.  You are nothing to him but a slave .. something he can control.  Why would you live your life like this....and for your son... who by the way, will probably turn out just like his father.  You need to leave.. NOW.  If you want to save yourself, and your son, you need to leave.  Your religion should have no bearing on your decision to walk from this horrible marriage.  I doubt your God would want you to stay with a man such as your husband.  Don't even factor your religion into this equation... that's ridiculous.  If you want to save your life, then leave.  If you stay, expect more of the same and worse...and be prepared to watch your son do the same things.  LEAVE.

Answer 18

I really think you already know what you need to do. You are just looking for someone to tell you what you already know. Yes, your marriage is important to you but your son is the most important thing. As a Christian woman, this is no way to raise your son. He is learning from you that it's ok to do all these things to a woman. If you stay, that is what you are teaching him, and he may, in the future, think that it's the way women are supposed to be treated in a relationship. You are being abused, no doubt about it. Your husband has to want to make things better before they are going to get better. He seems to be in some kind of depression due to being out of work but when he won't do anything to change the situation, it's time for help. This is something HE has to do and you CAN'T do it for him. As for now, take your son and leave until he is willing to face the facts about himself. Don't put your son through watching your husband abuse you. If you don't, as your husband said, he may kill you one day and it could be in front of your son. Think long and hard about it! No child deserves to go throught something like that, to see his mother abused or God forbid, murdered!

Answer 19

Sorry dear u have gone through alot ,en that is too much,bieng a Christan does not mean one to mistreat you but u should have a happy life,hey id he cant change why dont you just leave simple ,are you waiting for him to kill u as he said,hey gal u deserve a good man to make u happy to hurting you

Answer 20

How to leave : put on your shoes, grab your son and walk out the door. Go to a women's shelter. There is one in every community, most of the time you don't know they're there until you need them or someone you know needs them. They will assist you in learning how to rebuild your life and can provide on-site counseling sometimes as well as assistance to getting financial help to get your own place. The only thing holding you back is you. Make all the excuses you want, but realize that if you stay, it will escalate. And the next time he picks up a bat, it might be you he is aiming for. Or your son. Be strong. Be brave. You can do it. And you know in your own heart it is what needs to be done. So buck up and get out of there. You are not as weak as he has lead you to believe. Good luck to you.  

Answer 21

as a Christian, you know this is not right.  do some research - the bible does not teach us to stay in abusive relationships.  your husband is abusive and out of control.  it is difficult to deal with this alone - can you talk to someone at your church?  i am sure they would be willing to help you in your situation.  you must get yourself and your son out of this relationship before you physically cannot.  

Answer 22

well hon, seems you know whats right, you just are asking us instead of making the move.

God never intended on us being with abusers...infact he clearly states in the bible how love is and satan is, well, your husband is among satan, not love.

If you were out to lunch with a friend and she was telling you all this, what would you have to say? Id think leave, right! well then, do what you know is right...leave!

Your son will understand later on why you had to leave, and by the way, he will be much happier, because by keeping him in this position, you are exposing your son to this abuse and trust me.....it doesnt make a child happy