My husband refuses to get a better job to take care of our family ?

Question

he wants me to go back to work instead of him going to find a better job that provides insurance. I want to breastfeed and he says to just pump for the 5 days that he'll be home watching the baby and I'll come home and feed the baby and pump some more, is this possible to all you moms out there??? I feel like he should do what he has to to make this work for us even if it means going find another job, any advice?

Answer 1

You should of  discussed this first.  You probably said you would go back to work and are now changing your mind. He never agreed for you to stay home and now you are mad at him.  also just finding work is not that easy it takes months sometimes to get a job an then what if he hate his job.

You can  pump and have enough milk for your child women do it all the time.  YOu can even pump at work at lunch or in the restroom to make sure he has enough.  

Answer 2

I feel you're dilemma but there are no such thing as a one-income family anymore...not since the '80's...economic stability or even just plain survival nowadays means a two-income family...I have 3 kids, and we both work, and sometimes that's not even enough...we barely get by.  Honestly, you both need to sit down together and talk about your situation...you don't want bitterness and resentment in your marriage...work together!  I understand how he feels though at the moment, he's hesitant to look for a new job bec. the whole family is relying on his present job...I think he would feel a whole lot better looking for a new job if he knows that you have a job, just in case!

Answer 3

You can't make him do anything. Did he have a better job when you married him?

To be honest, for your own well being, you probably should find a job. Do you trust him to take care of the baby? Do you have relatives that can help you?

I think you are going to have to take care of yourself and your baby. Check into assistance in going back to school to help you get the best job you can.

Answer 4

im in the same boat as you but i cant get a good paying job bc im 17 and i dropped out of school .... i have a four month old son ..... now he finaly got a job after two months working at pizza hut ugh he was working in a plant making $16 an hour and now hes making $6.55  

Answer 5

It is possible for you to continue breastfeeding even if you go to work.  Many women that work and breastfeed pump on there breaks at work (in there car).  That way your milk supply doesn't decrease and your baby will have enough without having to supplement.  

When I stopped working to stay at home with my daughter my husband and I only lost about $30 a week from our income.  Make sure you look at how much it costs for your transportation to work, daycare expenses, outfits for work, what your pay would be, etc.  Sometimes you really don't get much more money if both people work.

Answer 6

It's possible.  I was active duty military working 12 hour shifts when both of my kids were babies and breastfed both until they were a year.  

I believe it is the responsibility of both parents to take care of the family, financially and emotionally.  Who is going to fill the roles is something you and him need to decide.

Answer 7

I was able to breastfeed and work at the same time, but I had a very flexible schedule.  I was able to go home or bring my baby to the office at times.  The rest of the time, I pumped and saved my milk.  I don't know if I could have done that on a strict 8 hour day. Like you,  I was the only one who had decent insurance coverage, so full time employment was a requirement. I do remember that there were times when I resented my husband for not having a job that provided better insurance benefits, because I really wanted to stay home.

But looking back, I realize that we were both doing the best we could.  Our kids did not suffer one bit from our dual employment.  If anything, they had some advantages.  Our schedules were staggered so they spent very little time in child care. I feel that I missed some things, but life goes on.  

Sometimes you just have to compromise.  Is there any possibility of you taking some unpaid leave so you can extend your time at home and breastfeed longer?  You are legally entitled to do so. By law, your employer has to continue to provide insurance coverage during this time, though you may have to pay the full cost.  Would your employer consider giving you a flexible schedule, some work at home, or part-time work for a while?   Point out that more and more companies are giving their employees these kinds of benefits,and it has been more than worth it in terms of worker loyalty and productivity.  

Good luck.  I hope you can find an arrangement that works for you.  

Answer 8

If you can't afford to feed them, don't have them.  I strongly suggest you wean the baby to formula and get a job if he refuses.  While breast milk is the best for baby, millions of babies get by just fine on formula every day.

Answer 9

I was going to ask the same thing, did he have this job when you decided to have the baby?  It would be nice to think that all men would change after having a child into being a great parent and provider, but usually people tend to have the same core character they always were before.

I suggest as well that if he is unwilling to find a better job, you definitely need to step up to the plate and make your own life the way you want it to be.  If he wasnt around at all, you would need to support yourself anyway.

Answer 10

It is possible to get into that kind of a pumping schedule.  There are millions of working moms that do this.  

Other than answering that part, its hard to give advice.  I'm not trying to be rude, but its really something you both should have discussed before having children.  The only advice I can give is sit down and discuss this issue with your husband, and see if you can work out a compromise.

Answer 11

Unfortunately, he doesn't feel that it's important for you to be home with your child. He doesn't appear to agree with you and since you married him, you're stuck with him and his crappy decisions. So you have a choice to go out and get a job with insurance, or you can live as you have and when the high medical bills start rolling in, he might have a change of heart. Otherwise, you'll have to learn how to pump when you can and do the responsible thing that your husband can't seem to do.

Answer 12

Why should he be the one to work? this is the 21st century darling.

Men and women are equal.There are many factors to consider.

What happened with his last job?

Who has the potential to make a bigger income?

Will BOTH of you going back to work make a good income?

Just talk together about it.Don't criticize each other.

You can go back to work and still have your little one consume your milk.A lot of moms have to pump because they go back to work.

Go over all situations..try to make it as least stressful as possible.

Good luck.

Answer 13

I say if you are going to be working, so should he. Sounds like he's trying to get you out there so he can sit at home with the baby.. I'm not sure that's really all that fair.

Lots of women pump.. but you gotta be able to get a job that they have a place for pumping. sometimes hard to do.  

Answer 14

I understand the frustration of it all.  But try and see it from his point of view. It is VERY stressful to be the only breadwinner. And if its possible, then great.  My husband is the only breadwinner in our family and we too have awful insurance. We get by but if it came down to the fact that he could not keep up with the bills, I would do anything I could to help out. Why not get a part time job?  

Its true, we stay at home moms have a 24/7 job and its hard work!! I think fathers are told this constantly and yes, they need to be reminded. But I think that people forget to acknowlege their work and efforts as well.  Instead of putting so much pressure on him, talk it out and see what YOU can do to help his stress. That is most likely where he is coming from. He is stressed out. And for good reasons too. He is under a lot of pressure