My husband says he needs space?

Question

I don't want to be one of those clingy, crying wives, but my husband said this to me today out of the blue and I just lost it. He said he is going to a hotel for the weekend.

He works in construction and says he is exhausted. Therefore he wants to only sit on the couch and watch TV during his free time - every nite & weekend. He can't even manage to go to a bbq with some friends and even ignores the ringing doorbell when his best friend stops by b/c he just "needs rest". I work in an office and desperately want to do something young and fun while we are newlyweds who don't have children yet - esp after being cooped up all week. On the weekends I want to DO something outdoors or fun or quality together other than watching TV. I am bored to tears. I understand he is tired but I just can't live the rest of my life missing out on life b/c my husband's job makes him tired.

Anyway - he says I can't respect his "tiredness" (b/c I complain that I am bored and wish he'd get off the couch and do something w/ me) so now he plans to spend the weekend at a hotel b/c he just needs to "rest".

I mean honestly. I think this is ridiculous and I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him to get off his *** for a couple of hours a weekend to do something fun with me.

Thoughts? How do I respond to this space request so I seem cool and he comes crawling back? (even tho I just want to cry and hang onto his legs).

Thanks.

Answer 1

My husband is the same way, but, he never says he needs his space. I have a theory about men needing there space, but I can really feel you on that, one. The thing that I had to start doing was find a hobby and start doing things with my friends and or family. And sometimes I will pretend to do things alone quite often which raises concern in him. So we compromise on some things, I understand that he has a very physical job and I sit at a computer all day, so he probably does not have as much energy as I do during the week, so I leave him alone, but I make sure that I give him hugs and kisses and ask about his day, and then I go on about my business. Now on the weekend that's my time, providing I'm not Busy. Sometimes you have to stop being so needy and whinny, let him know that you enjoy being by yourself at times and that you appreciate how hard he works and you will give him his space if he is willing to come to some compromise, where you can get some time too.Just don't keep nagging him about it or you will looose him. been there done that. Good Luck

Answer 2

Maybe he needs to see a doctor, So before you jump the gun and flip out let him have this weekend and if he still has the same problem ask him to see a doctor you never know he might have something wrong with him.  

Answer 3

your hubby is full of c**p!  "needing space" is a BS reason to avoid facing whatever problem you are having.  As for being tired, tell your hubby to quit bitching!  We all work hard!  We all have families/kids/other responsibilities.  If he thinks he "works hard", he should go to Iraq for a few days and see what hard work really is!

what a whiny ***** you married!

Answer 4

Space= I want to leave for awhile because I want to FUUK around, and I don't want you around to see it!

Answer 5

You said: "I just can't live the rest of my life missing out on life b/c my husband's job makes him tired."

You need to tell him that, because at some point, you'll get sick of it, and it will ruin the marriage. That's exactly how my parents marriage ended. His job made him so tired all the time that he never had the energy for anything else....including his family.

One thing about construction workers.....they tend to get old before their time because they are so hard on their bodies.

Maybe you could try and start convincing him to get into another line of work? Explain it to him, and that it's already hurting your marriage.

Trust me, a few tears will be more likely to convince him.

good luck.

Answer 6

hunny he is depressed give him some time to chill  

Answer 7

do you work?

Answer 8

Hmmm, I have been here before. My husband used to say he is tired all the time. We are young with no kids too and I felt the same as you. I told my husband that I thought he was an inconsidered ***, since I work too. So I decided to go out and have fun with my friends and just started planning events without even asking him if he wanted to come. He soon got the message and we made a deal that he could get one day all to himself but that we have to spend at least one day together on the weekends.

However, "the go away by himself weekend" is utter c**p!! It just means that he wants to get away from you... and why would he want that if he doesn't have "other" plans?  

Answer 9

Is he suffering from anemia? If so he needs to have more iron, otherwise he would have no energy like normal ppl do. It's fixable. However, if he wants to sleep at a hotel that's another story - a big no no in my book! BIG RED FLAG warning there - he may as well be cheating on you ... If this treatment towards you persists I would consider marriage counseling and if that fails, ultimately a divorce would ensue. Take care and trust your gut instinct sis. All woman deserve to be treated like a Queen - we need a certain type of love and affection too, right? And all husbands should be treated as a King. We have to meet each other half way other wise it will create discord and unhappiness.  xo

Answer 10

I don't understand what his need to rest has to do with your boredom.  If you are bored, stop counting on him and get un-bored.  Do what you want to do.  Invite him to come along, but if he declines, go by yourself.  Stop whining and start taking care of yourself.

Answer 11

What to do?  You actually get your own life and start going out with friends and family.

He will get the hint, or you will realize marrying him was a mistake.

Honey, no man likes to have to play entertainer to his wife every waking moment he is not at work.  Even men that work in offices like us.  Hang onto his legs?  Honey, please try to pick up some dignity when you run your errands this weekend.