My husband says that I'm lazy because I want to stay home with our baby after he's born...?

Question

I only want to stay home until he's a little older to go to daycare and I will go back to work. He's making me feel like I'm a horrible person for this, any advice??

Answer 1

Once your baby is born hopefully he will see how 'easy' and 'lazy' raising a child is. lol   Make sure he does his share of changing diapers , feeding, even if you breastfeed let him do a couple feedings with a bottle while you run some errands or do other things that you need done. If he is doing his share of helping he will gladly leave everyday to go to work and wouldn't want to be you and stay home and take care of the baby ALL day long and still barely get a break for the rest of the 24 hours a day continuously until your child grows up...or moves out.  

Answer 2

He's INSECURE! !  He sees the baby is getting more of your

attention then he is (it happens). Just ignore the fool he

will come around or he can stay home and you go to work

See how he likes them apples - if he's jealous of the baby

you can only imagine how he'd react to your co-workers.

He needs to work on his own insecurities - dont feel bad, your

doing the right thing. If he was doing his job in the first place

he wouldn't see the baby as a threat, it's worth hanging in

there, but he needs help.

Answer 3

Stay with your child as long as possible , where I live the mother gets at least 1 year fully paid after the birth of your child and the father gets 6 months fully paid off.

Its very important for your child's mental and physical health to have its parents there for at least 1-2 years after birth.

Answer 4

The BEST thing to do, is to take time for at least the first 5 years.. to make sure you grow & develop a well-balanced child & healthy & adapted socially. If there's financial pressures, and your husband is scared about possibly losing his job -- or, if he simply married YOU to make HIS LIFE easier and was counting on/spending Your Income, etc. etc. then, he won't think about these things.

But, that time is ALL passed -- if you're pregnant.

It's showtime, and it's about the baby now.

Not about the House or Car he wants, or vacations or money for strip clubs or restaurants or throw-away cash.. any more. It's ALL about the baby, and making that baby healthy & happy -- and that means you, too.

You're NOT a horrible person, but only you know what's what with your life & your husband, etc. My wife's home with our 2 kids -- and that was our choice. We've sacrificed her salary, and it's been fine. The kids are great, and not raised by daycare or nannies or someone other than their mom -- and we don't struggle over spoiling them, trying to get their attention, etc. etc. like many 2 working parents actually do...

Answer 5

I'm not going to say anything nasty about your husband, it's not what you want to hear right now.

Because you pregnant, you already have a bond with your child. He does not yet. It looks to me that he does not understand yet what it is to be a parent. Hopefully he'll see things more clearly after your baby is born and will understand that it is the wish of every new mother to stay home with her baby as long as possible (I made my employer give me work to do from home, so I can stay with my son)

You're not a horrible person, what you want is completely normal.

Stick up for yourself though. They're babies for such a short amount of time, it'll be a waste to miss any of it.

And believe me: after the baby is born, your husband will see that being a full time mom at home is not the lazy way out. Going back to work and letting someone else deal with your newborn is much less like hard work :)

Good luck with the birth!

Answer 6

Your husband obviously has never had to take care of a baby!  It is a lot of work and the early years of your child's life is extremely important in its development.

If he still feels this way after a few weeks, tell him that you are going to take a 10 day vacation and he can stay home with the baby.

It sounds like you husband is more interested in raising money instead of children.

You are not a horrible person and it is not your problem, it's his problem.  Never feel horrible because you love your baby.

Answer 7

You have already received many answers, due to the sensitive nature of this question.  :)  I have a 4-month old, and I am STILL exhausted from sleep deprivation.  It is a form of torture used in terrorist interrogations, and it's easy to see why, lol.  Just make sure the baby sleeps in your room, so that he can wake your lovely husband up at all hours.  We'll see how well he functions after taking care of a newborn.  Best of luck to you..... enjoy your baby, and pray your husband's heart will be softened (and enlightened!).

Answer 8

Well of course you want to stay home with your new born baby, uh hello most moms do. He needs to get a grip and realize that its not just what he wants, and that after you do give birth you need a few months to re coop anyway. Ask him if he would rather spend money on a babysitter or let you stay home and bond with your new baby. He needs to be more sensable.  

Answer 9

It is completely natural for a mother to want to be home with her child.  If it weren't for the economy and the need for women to work out of the house, i would think that most women would chose to be home raising their own children.  i have to work and it is heartbreaking to send my son away every morning.  even though you may have to work, your husband should be more sympathetic to your distress over not wanting to leave your infant.  and staying at home with a baby is DEFINITELY harder work than going to a job.  

Answer 10

you are not a horrible person. anybody would wanna stay home with their baby to not miss anything and make the most of it. they grow up so fast.

just tell him this is what you wanna do coz you did not just have the baby to just leave it with a babysitter al day long.

if hes not happy then he will have to deal with it. do what you wanna do.

Answer 11

I could bash the ole husband like everyone else but that really does no good now does it... anyway don't let him make you feel like a horrible person.  If you think about it your the opposite- you want to make sure baby is properly cared for until you feel he can go to daycare.  You are looking out for your son and that in no way is horrible.  Unless he is a terribly easy baby, it's not like you will have the luxury of being lazy.  I've heard it said that being a SAM is like working two full time jobs.  Sometimes men don't get this.  Nothing against them, but it just seems easy to them so they think it's lazy.  In my case it is easy for my husband because when he is home (on weekends/nights) he lets the baby cry on the floor and expects him to self entertain all day, plus he doesn't do the cleaning (which truely does take a lot of time with all that laundry esp in the begining), and I've always breastfed- which is another thing that can zap away your time.  

Anyway, you can either try to get him to see your point of view or just ignore him (and let it go so as to not stress yourself by it- just agree to disagree).  If you try to talk to him find what is motivating him.  Does he want you to work- is he worried about finances, etc?  Sometimes they can not say what's really bothering them and to try to get you to do what they want attack your character in hopes of your caving.  When talking to him try to keep your cool and don't name call- doing that is just as unhelpful as him calling you lazy.  Just tell him flat out why you want to stay with your son.  GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 12

He's only saying that because he thinks staying at home with the baby is easy... he doesn't realize how much you'll have to do once the baby gets here. I wonder if he'll think that much longer if HE stays home with the baby.lol You're not alone... alot of husbands think staying at home is easy. Only thing is, is he going to agree with you staying home before he makes his final decision... I would think he at least has to agree with you staying home before he judges you being a stay at home mom.

Answer 13

That's ridiculous.  Of course it's ok to stay home with your baby! In Canada we ger a whole YEAR off to stay home!  I think it's like 6 weeks or a little better in the US but he doesn't understand you've been growing this small person all this time......and now you want to get to know him and allow for the time to bond with him, and allow him to bond with you.  Natural.  Maybe he's jealous......a very definite possibility

Answer 14

You are not a horrible person for wanting to do so. You are in the right. It is better for the baby to have his/her mama for like the first two years at least. It will make him/her a better person or something... I mean no offense but your husband is an *** for saying so

Answer 15

My daughter is two and I have been an at home mom since she was born and now I am pregnant with our second child and don't plan on working until I absolutely have to.  Something that you really need to discuss with your husband is the cost of child care its outrageous these day I dont really know if that would be an issue but its a suggestion for you.  Here it would cost $150 a week for one child that is crazy!

Answer 16

Wow. I'm staying home with my 3 month old, I could not have imagined going back to work, especially since I only got 4 hours of sleep at the hospital and sleep at home after that was impossible. If he is so insistent that you go back to work, make him stay up with the baby after hes born; he won't get any sleep and by that time he'll be begging you to stay home.

Answer 17

I am a stay at home mom and hate it! It is far from fun and it is more work than any other job i have had so i think your husband just needs to be educated. Maybe you can have him talk with some moms who have been stay at home moms for a while and see what he thinks or maybe you should have his watch someones kids all day by himself and see how "lazy" he gets to be then. lol It is tuff being a stay at home mom and personally i would be working if daycare was not so freaking costly around my neck of the woods. :)  

Answer 18

Sounds like he's jealous because you can stay home.  I stayed home for 6 weeks and was absolutely going crazy.  Talking to a baby all day makes you kind of whacko.  I felt I was a better mother when I came back to work.  Different strokes for different folks...  if you want to stay home with him do it.  You need the bonding time as well.  Good luck!

Answer 19

You tell him to F*** OFF!

jk..

tell him what you just wrote.

Answer 20

Your husband needs to spend some time alone with your baby after the baby is born.

Let me tell you, I've done both.  I'm a SAHM now and I used to work.  For the first 10 months I brought them to work which was the hardest, then I had my mother in law babysit for a month, and then I quit because I missed them too much and I wasn't making enough money to make it worth it to work.

But anyway, being an at-home mom is 100 times harder work than going to an office was.

I'm sorry you married such a butthead.  My husband does throw the: "I go to work and you stay home." thing in my face every so often but it's generally at 3:00 in the morning when he doesn't want to get up with the baby.

I'm so sorry your husband is being this way.  He really, really, really needs a reality check.  I want to go smack him upside the head for saying that.  My husband can be a real jerkwad but he at least believes that there is NOTHING more valuable that I could be doing than raising our little muffins.

Answer 21

My boyfriend acts the same way with me but I dont listen to him. I have no choice but to stay home with my baby cause he has bad allegies which are preventing me from putting him in a Daycare. You are not lazy you are just making sure that you spend some quality time with your little one. I am not suprised that your husband does not understand. Most men are like that. Do what makes you happy.  

Answer 22

Let him know that just because you are staying home with a child doesn't mean that you aren't working. Leave dad at home for a week, go on a vacation, and show him what real work is! personally I have been in both situations (taking care of children all day and having a job) and i would have much rather left the house then stayed home. Don't feel like a bad person, it's normal. Hope this helps.

Answer 23

seriously... a "real" job is like a vacation compared to being a stay at home mom.  he sounds like a real winner.

if he'd rather pay strangers to raise his child than have the kid's own mother do it, he's an idiot.  

i can't say i have high hopes for this marriage.  your husband's priorities suck.  i hope you choose better next time.

Answer 24

Your husband does not fully understand the hard work that is put into raising a child and taking care of the house..Trust me he will soon figure this out when he sees what being a parent is all about..Its not a lay down job....I am just sorry that you dont have the emotional support you need from your husband and he has to resort to name calling when you express yourself..You are not a horrible person for wanting to stay with your child. Dont stress about it..I hope in time your husband understands...Would he rather fork over 90 a week for someone else to watch your child..i dont get it...Good luck in the future!

Answer 25

Almost all women want to stay home with their new born baby. It's a motherly instinct! He needs to understand that you are a new mother and as a good mother you want to spend as much time with your new baby as possible before you go back into your working environment. I suggest you sit down and have a long discussion with him. Tell him he is hurting your feelings about all of this and you don't think it's right for him to make you feel awful about wanting to be with your child. You are a mother and have every right to want to stay home. It doens't mean your lazy, it means your a good mom!

Answer 26

Your husband's a jacka*s.  If money is an issue and you can't afford to stay home after your maternity leave's up, then I understand him wanting you to go back to work.  But if you'll be able to afford your bills, etc. with your husband's salary and the cost of daycare in your area is so high that any money you brought home would just go to pay for daycare, then by all means stay home with your child until he's a little older.

Answer 27

My wife is currently pregnant and I want her to stay home with the baby. I dont want to trust someone else with my baby right after she is born. I think a mother should stay home and form that bond with the child and if you can live perfectly fine off of his income i say tell him you are staying home and that is it.  

Answer 28

Yeah, he is an ***!!! My hubby is the same way though!!! We have 3 children, and it is more affordable for me to stay home with them, than to put them in daycare!!! My husband always calls me lazy because I don't work!!!

Men have no clue that taking care of children is more work than working full time!!!

Answer 29

You're in for a long, terrible ride.

Sorry to say it, but it's the truth.  If your husband is upset that you want to stay home with a tiny infant, then he's an absolute idiot at best.

Is he voluntering to stay home?  Or does he want you to give birth at work and drop him off at daycare on your lunch break?

I assume you'll still be responsible to do most of the housework and caring for the baby after work, right?  Then he gets to try and blame you when he has an affair because you're not there for him anymore.

Answer 30

um any husband who cares about his children would see you staying at home and raising the baby YOURSELF as a GOOD THING.

many people don't have a choice and have to go back to work but if you can afford to stay home and raise your child yourself then how is that in any way bad?

sorry but he sounds like an idiot.

Answer 31

There is no reason for you NOT to stay home with your newborn baby.  You need to bond as a family, and it's very difficult to put a newborn in a day care with lots of other children (and infections.)

You don't need to allow your husband to make you feel horrible.  Remember no one can make you feel bad without your permission.  Don't permit your husband to make you feel bad.

And tell him he needs to be supportive. It took you and him to conceive a child, so he is also responsible.  Who is HE to know what being pregnant is like, to bear a child, to nurse it, etc.  He has a problem and HE needs to deal with those issues himself.

Big chances are that when he sees that new little guy, he will want to protect him with all of his life and encourage you to stay home with the baby to love and to bond.